00:00:00:03 - 00:00:15:01
Speaker 1
Shame is one of the worst emotions we can feel as humans. Today we're going to talk about ten shameful self beliefs that we had and asked you to question what you're holding on to and what you might be able to let go of.

00:00:15:02 - 00:00:19:08
Speaker 2
Welcome to Late Bloomers, where we are getting our lives together.

00:00:19:10 - 00:00:26:03
Speaker 1
Eventually brought to you by our amazing sponsor, Loop Earplugs. You're ready for a fun.

00:00:26:04 - 00:00:26:23
Speaker 2
I was going to say.

00:00:26:23 - 00:00:28:03
Speaker 1
This because.

00:00:28:05 - 00:00:29:17
Speaker 2
This one sounds awful.

00:00:29:18 - 00:00:31:09
Speaker 1
Shame episode.

00:00:31:12 - 00:00:35:18
Speaker 2
Yeah, great. Hopefully we've got something fun to do after this.

00:00:35:19 - 00:00:36:18
Speaker 1
Let's go and play golf.

00:00:36:19 - 00:00:37:06
Speaker 2
Yeah, yeah.

00:00:37:08 - 00:00:51:13
Speaker 1
Okay, so shame is that deep sense of, like, personal hatred and failure. It's like being disgusted at yourself. It's. It's not feeling guilt, which can be healthy. It's a really just deep sense of disgust.

00:00:51:15 - 00:01:06:07
Speaker 2
I like I heard this, few years ago, but like, the difference between shame and guilt is like, shame is I am a bad person or and guilt is I've done bad things. Like, one is real, like core identity.

00:01:06:14 - 00:01:25:08
Speaker 1
It's Brené Brown, so you can be aware that you've done something wrong and feel guilty. And that's actually very healthy. But shame is if you do something that you feel is like awful, unforgivable, like you'll never get over it. And if you feel shame, you're actually never going to lead like a really happy, calm, nice life. So we're here to kick it in the bum.

00:01:25:08 - 00:01:30:11
Speaker 1
By the way, have you written your card upside down?

00:01:30:13 - 00:01:31:12
Speaker 2
Right? Be honest.

00:01:31:13 - 00:01:38:03
Speaker 1
I rate your card. I've only dismembered. I wrote your card. That's fine. Okay. I'll start.

00:01:38:05 - 00:02:05:03
Speaker 1
Okay, so we're going to read, like, ten shameful statements that really relate to our lives and us. But it also might relate to someone if they're neurodivergent, in fact, just human. I feel this is a very human episode. So number one, I can't let anybody see how I live. This was one of my most shameful beliefs from probably 18 to.

00:02:05:05 - 00:02:06:06
Speaker 2
Just before we met.

00:02:06:07 - 00:02:18:03
Speaker 1
38. Yeah, probably two decades. When I moved out of my parents house and went to uni, things fell apart. I lived in pleat pigsty.

00:02:18:06 - 00:02:19:18
Speaker 2
You had a fly infestation.

00:02:19:18 - 00:02:41:13
Speaker 1
Fly infestation. Then when I moved out of Union and got my own place, I never did the washing up. So there was mold. You couldn't see the floor. I never cleaned my sheets. I would save up like my well, I'd wear dirty clothes and then every six months take bags of Ikea stuff to the local launderette. I just felt like.

00:02:41:17 - 00:02:42:24
Speaker 2
Bags of Ikea stuff.

00:02:43:00 - 00:03:03:08
Speaker 1
Like bags. Those bags, Ikea bags full of dirty clothes hadn't washed for six months. I'd wash it all in one go, and I just felt like the most disgusting, despicable human. And I wouldn't tell my friends. I wouldn't tell my partners. I'd really try and hide it because I was so ashamed.

00:03:03:09 - 00:03:17:16
Speaker 2
The most. The most emotional thing you've ever said to me in this lane was when you worked, I think, in a bank, and you hadn't done any washing. And somebody said, what's that smell? And you realized it was you.

00:03:17:17 - 00:03:18:20
Speaker 1
My clothes.

00:03:18:21 - 00:03:22:01
Speaker 2
Yeah, that must be pretty soul destroying.

00:03:22:02 - 00:03:49:14
Speaker 1
I mean, shameful, obviously didn't go home and wash my clothes. That's the real difficulty when you're you're unable to connect your mind, what your mind wants to do and you get your body into action. Yeah. God, I've just been so embarrassed. So ashamed. Even when we were first together, I would pretend to be cleaner. And the organizer now was.

00:03:49:15 - 00:04:13:13
Speaker 2
The shame of this one is just knowing our community like I do. Like, I bet this one's quite rife. Like, I think about Debbie, that helps loads of people do what society deems as basic tasks, and essentially hundreds of people every day logging on just to clean their teeth or change their bed in or and stuff that they, because of their executive function, really properly struggle with.

00:04:13:13 - 00:04:17:20
Speaker 2
So like that has got to marry up with shame.

00:04:17:22 - 00:04:39:11
Speaker 1
Feel like dubby. Anyone that doesn't know it's a it's an app that we run where. Yeah, people log on a few times a day and clean together in a big video call. It's been life changing. It was probably born out of my shame and thinking about what would have actually helped me, because I couldn't tell friends or family because I didn't think they'd understand.

00:04:39:13 - 00:04:59:06
Speaker 1
Having people you can speak to who are also neurodivergent or also understand, oh, it changes the game. So yeah, if anyone's kind of feeling that way, I think you're right. So many people that struggle with executive dysfunction are going to not allow anyone to see it, and you need someone to see it so they can help you.

00:04:59:08 - 00:05:02:21
Speaker 2
Write a strong, joyful start.

00:05:02:23 - 00:05:03:16
Speaker 1
Where are you taking.

00:05:03:16 - 00:05:27:04
Speaker 2
This week's episode? So my number two is my mistakes are unforgivable. So I'm going to give you quite a specific one. I haven't spoken about it loads, but a bit I have. I used to have a gambling addiction, lost all my money, lied to everyone that loved me, you know, hid at work doing it all, that sort of stuff, like completely took over my life.

00:05:27:04 - 00:05:50:23
Speaker 2
And I always would consider myself and have considered myself quite a level headed, sensible person. But it all went out the window when it came to it wasn't so much gambling on sport. It was like spinning slots on the machine. Which I know is is is a mugs game really like the bookie? The casino or bookie always wins.

00:05:50:24 - 00:06:15:09
Speaker 2
But anyway, the mistakes that are unforgivable were some of the actions like it gripped hold of me so hard I was. I was spinning slots on my phone whilst driving so I wasn't concentrating on the road, putting myself and everyone on the road at risk. And there was even occasions where I would do it, where I had a newborn baby in the back seat doing it like and.

00:06:15:09 - 00:06:40:08
Speaker 2
And that to me is like the most disgusting behavior that anyone could do. Like, I mean, it's taken a long time. I still don't think I've forgiven myself for it because it's just irresponsible parenting are like, you know, if something had happened, I would be the first person to be like, lock him up and throw away the key.

00:06:40:08 - 00:06:42:19
Speaker 2
Like, that's not that's not okay.

00:06:42:21 - 00:06:57:15
Speaker 1
Do you think that where you are now is still feeling a lot of guilt over it, but less shame, like the way you used to talk about it would be like, yeah, hating. Like you'd say horrendous things about yourself.

00:06:57:16 - 00:07:17:22
Speaker 2
Yeah, I feel yes, I would definitely put it in the lane of like, I'm a good person. That was struggling and something got hold of me and I've and I've actually done a lot to come out of that. Like I held myself accountable for the people that I hurt and lied to and the things that I've done, which has helped.

00:07:17:22 - 00:07:30:21
Speaker 2
And I also think, which I never used to see, I am an incredibly lucky individual for it not to have ended a lot worse than it did.

00:07:30:23 - 00:08:01:17
Speaker 1
Yeah, I think having mistakes, you think unforgivable. It just means you never get to have freedom or have a redemption story, which is so important. It's so important for people to overcome their demons and talk to other people about doing it. And but there's stuff when you've had addiction problems, there's going to be stuff like the stuff in my past that I wouldn't even want to say on a podcast that you've done or partaken in.

00:08:01:19 - 00:08:11:21
Speaker 1
But it doesn't have to define you. It doesn't have to define your story, who you can be today. And people are defined by the actions they take every day now.

00:08:11:23 - 00:08:13:02
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00:08:13:04 - 00:08:24:20
Speaker 1
Okay. Number three for me. And again, this is like more a few years ago. Not now, but my lord, this one got hold of me. It was I've wasted my life.

00:08:24:22 - 00:08:25:12
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00:08:25:13 - 00:08:50:11
Speaker 1
So I really struggled at uni when my mum died just after uni and I just went from job to job to job, relationship to relationship to relationship. I never saved any money. I was constantly drinking and doing drugs. I was a total nightmare. And I sort of got into my mid 30s and looked back and was like, what have I got to shave my life?

00:08:50:12 - 00:09:18:18
Speaker 1
Oh, a load of debt, a bad credit rating, a load of people that hate me and that's it. And my friends were like getting married, having kids, buying houses. And I was a complete reprobate. Yeah. And that was really, really heavy, like I truly did at that time, like hate myself and just think, look what you've done with that one life.

00:09:18:23 - 00:09:26:16
Speaker 2
And what sort of, I guess, what changed that? Because obviously your life went on a different path than trajectory. But.

00:09:26:18 - 00:09:49:19
Speaker 1
Well, I can even go back to 2022. I recorded my first EP when we were together, and the intro of that, he's like a sort of replay of something that happened in therapy of me saying like, I've wasted my life. So it was still kind of that thought was haunting me four years ago. Yes. So, so crazy.

00:09:49:21 - 00:10:18:00
Speaker 1
I think meeting you was huge because when we fell in love and I became a stepmom, well, I haven't wasted my life because, you know, we had this amazing, beautiful love story. And I fell in love with both kids. So it gave me something like, tangible that I could be like, doesn't matter what's happened with my bank balance or my credit rating or my failed attempts at having a music career.

00:10:18:05 - 00:10:21:06
Speaker 1
I've got this beautiful family now.

00:10:21:08 - 00:10:39:09
Speaker 2
I think, as well as well as the home life, I think. Don't underestimate whether it's consciously or subconsciously, like the what's happened professionally, the people that you've touched with music, people help with Derby, the community with ADHD, love. There's a lot of like purpose in what we do as well at the moment.

00:10:39:10 - 00:10:58:10
Speaker 1
Oh, I wouldn't say it now. Now I'm like, oh my God, I'm living my life. I want more life. Yeah, but that's almost that's why I'm so passionate about that. Not being someone's shameful belief, because you never know what's going to happen. But certainly when I was living under. You've wasted it. You're a loser. You're such a failure.

00:10:58:11 - 00:11:02:02
Speaker 1
Like, it's not really the conditions to create change.

00:11:02:05 - 00:11:34:04
Speaker 2
Definitely. There's that's made me smile because I remember saying quite recently, I'm quite up for like having a health check once a year and stuff because I care more about living now than I like. I didn't care ten years ago, I'd be like, whatever, be fine. Anyway, number four, I failed in relationships, so I can I can sort of talk about it in jest now, but two divorces, by the time I was 30, 32.

00:11:34:06 - 00:12:00:10
Speaker 2
Come on. Do you know what I mean? What two. And that that carried a lot of shame because it was obviously they weren't. They were both seven year relationships. They were both like a long term relationships. Both had children involved. Yeah. It was just like, what's wrong with me? Why can't I what's going on here? Something's wrong.

00:12:00:12 - 00:12:01:20
Speaker 1
Something was wrong.

00:12:01:24 - 00:12:03:13
Speaker 2
Well, yeah.

00:12:03:15 - 00:12:33:14
Speaker 1
I think a huge part of your story was because I come in clean. That's a really wrong phrase. Being honest about the abuse you'd been through as an eight year old boy and going to therapy for that, because, of course, going through that from a family member, it's going to mess with your ability to build long term intimate relationship.

00:12:33:15 - 00:12:34:20
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00:12:34:22 - 00:12:56:22
Speaker 1
But I imagine as well, you know, it's made me sad when you, you don't really say it anymore, which is amazing. But you used to say how embarrassed you were in front of your brother. You would kind of. Yeah, got married and had a really happy marriage, two beautiful kids. And that second divorce, almost in comparison to him.

00:12:56:24 - 00:13:01:04
Speaker 1
You felt like you would. Yeah. But you don't think you'd think that now?

00:13:01:05 - 00:13:11:15
Speaker 2
No, I don't I mean, it was it's difficult not to think that when you've got the same amount of kids as you've got divorces. You mean they're on par with each other?

00:13:11:16 - 00:13:33:12
Speaker 1
Yeah. Well, is two divorces any worse than me? Ten failed one year back to back, like. Yeah. On paper, because it's it's been legal and there's you have to go to court and get it all all sorted. But but honestly, who's worse. The person who gave it a good go. Being committed tried to enter the adult world or me.

00:13:33:12 - 00:13:36:15
Speaker 1
You just messed about jumping from one to the other.

00:13:36:17 - 00:13:44:05
Speaker 2
Yeah, we're right now. They've been three marriages, two divorces. That is a net win for marriage.

00:13:44:07 - 00:13:48:06
Speaker 1
No, because you said that each lasted seven years. We've got six months left.

00:13:48:08 - 00:13:50:10
Speaker 2
Oh. That's okay. Make the most of that.

00:13:50:11 - 00:14:03:12
Speaker 1
Yeah. Let's have some fun, baby. Right. Okay. Next one. Oh, Lord, I'm a terrible friend. I felt this way.

00:14:03:14 - 00:14:23:21
Speaker 1
From when I was really young, probably teenager up until now. I still struggle with it a bit because I don't like to keep in touch on text messages. I really struggle, I feel suffocated by it. Sometimes I have a burst of energy and reply to everyone and then I won't.

00:14:23:22 - 00:14:27:07
Speaker 2
Well, they'll reply back to you in your head, back to the same situation.

00:14:27:07 - 00:14:56:01
Speaker 1
I just can't get a hold of it and I wish it was different. It's like the one thing I'd change about myself would be just being able to be a normal communication with people. One friend, mine just been a friend of mine for many, many, many decades. She's called Kat in my 20s, early 30s. Maybe I stopped speaking, touch didn't reply one day and I don't think I replied death like a year.

00:14:56:03 - 00:14:56:07
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00:14:56:10 - 00:15:20:09
Speaker 1
And she got engaged and had a marriage. In that time. She was one of my best friends and I saw on Facebook oh, she was having like post celebration after her wedding. So I'd ignored her for a year, and I'd got on a plane and I went to where this host wedding drinks were, and I showed up and I was like, so anxious.

00:15:20:15 - 00:15:26:12
Speaker 1
I was hiding around the corner, shaking. But like, I went in and that was the start of us,

00:15:26:14 - 00:15:27:07
Speaker 2
Reconnecting.

00:15:27:07 - 00:15:36:14
Speaker 1
Reconnecting so I can be a terrible texter. But I will will eventually come. Good. I just, I just make it quite hard for myself, you know?

00:15:36:15 - 00:15:37:12
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00:15:37:14 - 00:15:41:18
Speaker 1
What about you and friendship? Are you.

00:15:41:20 - 00:15:47:19
Speaker 2
Similar. Like, I don't really instigate much, to be honest.

00:15:47:19 - 00:15:48:15
Speaker 1
But you don't feel shame.

00:15:48:16 - 00:15:49:19
Speaker 2
I don't feel shame about.

00:15:49:23 - 00:15:51:07
Speaker 1
That's the difference between.

00:15:51:07 - 00:16:06:10
Speaker 2
Us, because I'm fairly honest. Like, I'll be like, you won't. I'll reply, but I won't. I won't really think about you. And we're not in the same room. And that sounds awful, but it's just the reality.

00:16:06:11 - 00:16:27:09
Speaker 1
No, I love that. And before we get on to our next very happy, shameful secret, I'm going to do a very quick word from our amazing sponsor. Struggling with sound sensitivities can be a really big part of the neurodivergent experience. For Rich, that looks like when I drag him to a rock concert, kind of shaking in the back of the room.

00:16:27:09 - 00:16:51:21
Speaker 1
And for me, it might be traveling on a train or being out for dinner and not being able to hear what Rich is saying, because I can basically overhear the entire restaurant. This is what loop earplugs are incredible for. They have got a loop earplug for basically any situation, whether you're studying, napping, sleeping, going to a big rock concert, or going to a restaurant.

00:16:51:22 - 00:17:07:20
Speaker 1
We have got an amazing partnership with loop, whereby every one of our listeners gets 20% off our favorite products. You can find the link to that in our show notes or in our social media bio. Enjoy.

00:17:08:00 - 00:17:30:05
Speaker 2
Right back to doom and gloom. You really? Yeah. My number six is why don't I want to be touched by the person I love? So this is very much a physical touch thing. I think it's definitely more I still feel a bit of guilt, but not shame anymore. But it was like, I can't, I can't do cuddles, I get too hot.

00:17:30:07 - 00:17:56:20
Speaker 2
I can't, I watch these films about people spooning in bed all night. I'd be. I would be so drenched with sweat if I was one of those spoons. Either one, big or little, like any touch, any skin touch. It's like, oh my God, it feels like lava on my skin. And that that made me feel. I know it's like maybe a little bit more lighthearted, light hearted, this one, but maybe we we needed it.

00:17:56:20 - 00:18:04:05
Speaker 2
But like that, it is very real. It's like, why can't I do this thing that everyone else seems to do?

00:18:04:07 - 00:18:23:10
Speaker 1
Well, you're also sweet because you know, it means so much to me. And that's my like, I don't know, that's how I show love and that's how I love to be cuddled my leg rub, my head patted like I am like born to be cuddled. And I don't really get cuddled. And we speak about it a lot. David.

00:18:23:10 - 00:18:29:07
Speaker 1
Yeah. But I'm glad you don't feel shame about it anymore. It's just is how it is, I understand.

00:18:29:08 - 00:18:32:00
Speaker 2
Yeah. No cuddles the baby.

00:18:32:01 - 00:18:34:20
Speaker 1
No cuddles for me. That's why I got a dog.

00:18:34:22 - 00:18:36:00
Speaker 2
And he doesn't cuddle, and he.

00:18:36:00 - 00:18:38:00
Speaker 1
Doesn't he? Yeah, yeah.

00:18:38:01 - 00:18:40:22
Speaker 2
And I don't want to be cuddled by him. I don't want to be cut up by anyone.

00:18:40:24 - 00:19:20:13
Speaker 1
So. So. Okay. Number seven. Oh, Lord, I can't trust myself at all. Think this kind of developed throughout my 20s and by my 30s it was entrenched. I can't trust myself to be on time, to remember, to do a good job, to not lose really important things. My trust in myself was disseminated by my own behavior, and if you don't trust yourself, you will literally give up control of your life to other people who you deem as more.

00:19:20:15 - 00:19:21:05
Speaker 2
Trustworthy.

00:19:21:05 - 00:19:45:04
Speaker 1
Trustworthy, or like better adults. And it just caused so much, so much shame and hatred. Like the worst thing. I've lost so many things, but the worst thing was my mum, before she died, wrote me a letter which I kept around with me for so many years. And then one time I lost it, and I took me years and years and years to forgive myself.

00:19:45:05 - 00:20:05:18
Speaker 1
But doing that, but so many occasions of losing, letting people down, letting myself down, forgetting things. I just was like, I am completely devoid of being able to do anything to live in this world. And that leaves you, that leaves you open to some rather unhealthy dynamic.

00:20:05:19 - 00:20:19:09
Speaker 2
Oh, she's about to say at least you vulnerable to the wrong sort of character. If you like giving up your agency to someone else because you don't trust yourself like you're you're a bit vulnerable.

00:20:19:11 - 00:20:47:04
Speaker 1
To abuse. Someone steps in and says, oh, don't worry, I've got you. Why don't you do this? Why don't you do that? It can be very, very scary. I think now I've developed, I've kind of separated out, like me trusting myself on big decisions, my emotions, my gut instinct is nothing to do with whether I will lose something or be on time or forget something like the ADHD is there.

00:20:47:04 - 00:21:18:24
Speaker 1
It's real. That should not stop me from trusting myself. Yeah, and over the last few years, with you, with therapy, with work, I've found my own voice again. And I won't let anyone tell me what I should be doing. And that that means so much, because I do trust myself. And when I do have a struggle, like losing the keys to a house, rather than beating myself up and put in a locksmith on a credit card, which I did numerous times in my 20s.

00:21:19:01 - 00:21:24:07
Speaker 1
We just have a lot box. I don't have keys, so wherever I can, I try and help myself.

00:21:24:08 - 00:21:25:06
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00:21:25:08 - 00:21:26:22
Speaker 1
Yes, that's a good one.

00:21:27:03 - 00:21:50:14
Speaker 2
Okay. Number eight. Oh, this is like probably an age old one, especially with men, I would imagine. But I've hurt my kids by being emotionally unavailable. Now, I think this probably runs pretty deep with a lot of people, but, like, I can speak for me. Certainly in the male population, I think it runs deep for me personally.

00:21:50:18 - 00:22:19:02
Speaker 2
Like the abuse being super independent at 18, being vulnerable wasn't like wasn't something that I felt I had time or the ability to do. So that just carried through into my my parenting. This one though, I don't, I don't really feel shame about anymore. I think I'm more proud of what I've done over the last sort of six years, rather than any shame before that.

00:22:19:03 - 00:22:57:08
Speaker 1
Words like being an emotionally unavailable dad. It's almost a bit coded. In reality, it's like being able to give cuddles and say, I love you. And if somebody is crying, not trying to stop it, like like it's, you know, that's like the reality of it. And you have worked so hard on both kids to get that connection. And it's so like, my God, it's just so beautiful to see because both of them are so free with their emotions, both happy and sad with you.

00:22:57:09 - 00:23:10:21
Speaker 1
Yeah. They'd call you in a crisis. They they rely on you for that parental thing. You're also friends. It's just wonderful. And I feel that goes to show that even your worst thoughts, the most shameful thoughts, you can turn around.

00:23:10:22 - 00:23:11:08
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00:23:11:09 - 00:23:18:22
Speaker 1
And I just think, like, as a man, becoming more available and being there for your kids, it's just, oh, God.

00:23:19:00 - 00:23:19:15
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00:23:19:18 - 00:23:20:17
Speaker 1
That's hot stuff, babes.

00:23:20:18 - 00:23:23:02
Speaker 2
That big time. Big time.

00:23:23:04 - 00:23:37:05
Speaker 1
Oh, okay. That's interesting because my number nine is similar, which is I'm scared I'm a bad parent or I'm scared I'm a bad stepparent or parent to rocket because of ADHD.

00:23:37:07 - 00:23:37:21
Speaker 2
Okay.

00:23:37:22 - 00:23:59:03
Speaker 1
So I, I don't have a driving license. I won't blame that on ADHD. I lost my license in my 20s and I've never got it back again. And I often think if there was an emergency with zero or Lily and you weren't around, I can't go and get them. What am I going to do? Get the bus or Uber?

00:23:59:05 - 00:24:24:05
Speaker 1
I struggle with time, so I have to think I couldn't be the one to be looking after Lily's schedule. I struggle with sometimes people pleasing, so I wonder if I've been with, say, two lenient and have I coddled them? And so so I think a lot about who I am and whether that lets the kids down in any way.

00:24:24:07 - 00:24:42:02
Speaker 1
I feel a bit better about it these days. Again, probably the years of. Yeah. But it's tough when you have ADHD because there's so many parts of parenting that rely on being organized, sensible planning on time.

00:24:42:04 - 00:24:46:12
Speaker 2
Shout out to all the ADHD parents. Probably isn't that it's not. It's not an easy job without it.

00:24:46:13 - 00:25:10:10
Speaker 1
And that's a step. Parents and their Cyr lived with us, but Lily's here half the time, so it's not even full time. And it and it it like, worried me that I would in some way let them down because of ADHD and that kind of that kind of sucks. But I also think there's a flip side to.

00:25:10:10 - 00:25:12:12
Speaker 2
It definitely is.

00:25:12:14 - 00:25:13:09
Speaker 1
Yeah. What do.

00:25:13:09 - 00:25:27:19
Speaker 2
You think? All the spontaneous that what should we do today? There's always fun shit happening as a result of your ADHD. Whereas I could be quite boring, but like, no, it's a housework day, guys. You'd be like, oh it isn't.

00:25:28:00 - 00:25:46:18
Speaker 1
We're going to a waterpark. Yeah, we have a lot of fun. And as they've got older, I've also been able to use my understanding of shame and struggles to help any shame or struggles they have. Like Lily, the little one doesn't have a very good memory. She forgets stuff loads.

00:25:46:19 - 00:25:47:04
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00:25:47:05 - 00:26:02:01
Speaker 1
And I get to make sure she doesn't feel shame about that. Yeah, or she struggles with cleaning her bedroom would be like, come on, let's body W. So there is this flip side where it can also make you more aware.

00:26:02:01 - 00:26:09:19
Speaker 2
And she does come and ask us to sit in her room now while she tidies up, because she's got incredibly messy recently.

00:26:09:21 - 00:26:13:14
Speaker 1
She's coming into the inner teenager. Babe, we've got more to come.

00:26:13:16 - 00:26:15:02
Speaker 2
Okay. Last one. Ready?

00:26:15:03 - 00:26:15:22
Speaker 1
Yeah. I'm ready.

00:26:15:23 - 00:26:45:09
Speaker 2
So this one directly relates to my autism and specifically like, sensory needs. Like getting overwhelmed with bright lights or loud sounds. And it's sort of like, like strong men wouldn't, wouldn't feel this like. And if I'm being really, like otra simplistic about it, like there's people out there that have four wars and in the army and there's me crying over bright lights and loud music.

00:26:45:10 - 00:26:53:24
Speaker 2
It's like a little bit sometimes I feel a little bit of shame about that. There's nothing I can do about it, but it's like, come on, guess.

00:26:53:24 - 00:27:23:07
Speaker 1
Like society has done a good one on men, haven't they? Making you think you've got to be super strong, ready for war at all moments. Whereas I see it as a strong man is someone that talks about emotions, their struggles. Like you're still such a masculine man and you're such an amazing like partner and dad. If anything, I think the ownership and awareness of your struggles makes you better.

00:27:23:09 - 00:27:41:12
Speaker 1
Because you're just more aware. You can be more aware of me and and the kids. But I understand you were always your whole life. A bit of a sort of masked alpha male, weren't you? So it must be tough to be like. Oh, no, it's slightly a bit of washing. Yeah, exactly. Oh, do you know what.

00:27:41:13 - 00:27:43:10
Speaker 2
That is? A been a miserable episode.

00:27:43:11 - 00:27:45:06
Speaker 1
No, I was just.

00:27:45:08 - 00:27:46:06
Speaker 2
Are you gonna say different?

00:27:46:07 - 00:28:07:14
Speaker 1
I was going to say it was quite nice. Yeah, I feel like a lot of them would made progress. We're not living under the. Yeah, so much shame anymore. Shame, conflict, mental health. Seriously, if you are feeling deeply any of those things, please do seek out help. Really good therapy can change and in fact save lives. And it definitely did for me in Rich.

00:28:07:15 - 00:28:15:14
Speaker 1
Let us know in the comments what you're dealing with and give us a like share. If you have enjoyed this episode.

00:28:15:15 - 00:28:17:08
Speaker 2
Or found it useful.

00:28:17:10 - 00:28:18:03
Speaker 1
Useful?

00:28:18:05 - 00:28:19:05
Speaker 2
See you next week!

00:28:19:06 - 00:28:20:09
Speaker 1
See you next week!