Epictetus was an ancient Greek philosopher who believed that fixing yourself starts

by making a firm choice about who you want to become. As he told his students:

"First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do."

Epictetus spent his early life as a slave in the Roman Empire who was owned by a cruel

master named Epaphroditus. Despite being a brutal master, Epaphroditus allowed Epictetus to study,

to attend lectures by a Stoic teacher named Musonius Rufus. In ancient Rome, slaves who

became highly educated could often earn or buy their freedom. Because of his sharp intellect and

his philosophical training, Epictetus was granted his freedom. Then in 89 AD, the Roman Emperor

named Domitian felt threatened by independent thinkers and banished all philosophers from Italy.

Epictetus moved to a coastal town in Greece called Nicopolis, and started over as a teacher teaching

philosophy of Stoicism. Stoicism is a practical philosophy that teaches you to let go of what you

cannot control, accept reality as it unfolds, and focus on excelling your own character.

Now Epictetus never actually wrote down anything. But his student named Arrian

recorded his teachings into a famous manual called the Enchiridion. This short handbook

is a psychological training manual for daily life giving people a step-by-step method to strip away

their daily anxieties, break their bad habits, and build and rebuild their lives from the ground

up. So in this video, we will be talking about how to fix yourself from the philosophy of Epictetus.

1. Control What You Can As we mentioned, Epictetus was owned by a cruel

master. According to some writers, that master intentionally snapped Epictetus’s leg in a fit of

rage. As the man violently twisted it, Epictetus calmly watched and said, "If you keep going,

you will break it." And when the bone eventually snapped, he didn't scream. He just looked up

and said, "Didn't I tell you it would break?" Whatever the stories say, the reality of his life

was harsh. Epictetus was a slave who didn't even own his own body. He had no property, no rights,

and zero control over tomorrow. He realized that if he let his happiness depend on things

he couldn't control - like his master's temper or his broken leg - he was going to be miserable.

So, he drew a hard mental boundary. The very first sentence of the Enchiridion

lays out this core rule: "Some things are within our power, while others are not."

He taught that we have complete control over exactly one thing: our prohairesis,

or our reasoned choice. This covers our opinions, our impulses, what we desire, and what we choose

to avoid. And that’s it. Everything else—your body, your bank account, your reputation, the

economy, your boss's mood—all of it belongs to the outside world. It is simply not in your control.

This framework of dividing everything that’s in your control vs everything

that isn’t known as the Dichotomy of Control. So, what is messing up your life right now?

It’s the delusion that you can control the external side of that divide. You want a

specific promotion. You want a certain person to love you. You want your family to understand you.

By attaching your peace of mind to these specific outcomes, you make your happiness dependent on

random chance and other people's decisions. The second the world doesn't cooperate—the promotion

goes to someone else, the person rejects you, you get angry and bitter. You drain all your energy

trying to force uncontrollable things to bend to your will, leaving you with zero energy to fix

the things you actually can change. So to start fixing your life,

you must adopt the Dichotomy of Control. Take a piece of paper and write down everything

stressing you out right now. Get it all out of your head. Then, look at that list and ask

one question for every item: Is this up to me? If it requires another person to change their

mind, cross it out. If it depends on the stock market, cross it out. If it’s about something

embarrassing you did five years ago, the past is gone—cross it out. Ruthlessly eliminate anything

from that list that requires luck or outside compliance. You will likely end up crossing out

almost everything on your list. And once you have done that,

you can focus on things you can control. Focus on the effort you will put into your work today,

your decision to walk away from a toxic argument, the tone of voice you use with your spouse,

or how you choose to react when someone insults you. When you stop trying to manage the entire

universe and manage only your own mind and actions, you start fixing your life.

2. Test Your Thoughts Someone cuts you off,

and you think the traffic made you angry. Your boss points out a mistake, and you think they

made you feel inadequate. We naturally blame our reactions on outside events. Epictetus taught

that this is a total illusion. We never react to reality itself—we only react to our opinion of it.

As he famously said, "People are not disturbed by things, but by the views they take of them."

Let’s say someone calls you a failure. What really happened in the physical world? Someone

pushed air out of their lungs, vibrated their vocal cords, and made a series of sounds. That

is the objective reality. Sound waves hitting your eardrums cannot physically cause emotional pain.

So why does it hurt then? Well it hurts because of the story your brain instantly makes up. The

Stoics called these split-second reactions "impressions." Your mind jumps right to,

"This guy is disrespecting me, and this is awful." You only get upset because you

buy into that story. The insult itself didn't hurt you—just your own judgment of that insult.

To fix your life, you have to stop believing everything your mind tells you. Epictetus

taught that whenever a harsh thought hits you, you must speak directly to it. Tell it:

"You are just an impression, not the real thing." Then, you test it.

Whenever you feel yourself reacting strongly, step away. Close the laptop. Put your phone

in a drawer. Walk away from your desk. Tell yourself, "I'm allowed to be mad,

but I am not allowed to react for ten minutes." In those ten minutes, put that impression to test.

Draw a line down the middle of a piece of paper to make a "Fact vs. Story" list. On the left side,

write down the bare, objective facts. And on the right side,

write down stories your brain tells you. For example, say you get an unexpected

message at work. The fact on the left is simply: My boss sent an email saying,

"We need to talk about the project." The story on the right is: I ruined everything,

they hate me, and I am getting fired today. Now, challenge the story. Look at the right

side of the paper and ask yourself: Where is the proof? Am I confusing a possibility

with a guaranteed fact? Did the email say I was fired, or did I invent that part?

By taking a simple ten-minute pause to challenge the story and strip it

down to the raw facts, you stop reacting impulsively and potentially everything.

3. Remember Everything Ends Epictetus says that when you

kiss your child, or your partner, you should whisper to yourself: "I am kissing a mortal."

This brings us to a famous Stoic practice called Memento Mori. It means "remember

you must die." But for the Stoics, it wasn't just about their own lives. It was a daily

reminder that you, and everything you care about, won't be around forever.

The reason we get upset when a career crashes or a relationship ends is because

we assume that everything is permanent. But everything you care about is eventually

going to change, break, or disappear. To fix your life, you must realize

that you are just a temporary visitor, interacting with other temporary visitors,

holding onto temporary objects. To build this mindset, practice

what stoics called the premeditation of loss—also known as negative visualization.

Take a moment to look at your car, your loved ones, your bank account, and even your job.

Acknowledge their fragility. Mentally accept that any of them could be taken away tomorrow.

Remind yourself that they are not yours; they are simply on a temporary lease from the universe.

Next, you must change your vocabulary. In Chapter 11 of his handbook, Epictetus laid

down a strict rule for how to talk about tragedy. He said: "Never say of anything,

'I have lost it'; but, 'I have returned it.'" Has your property been taken? It has been

returned. Did you lose your job? It has been returned. Has

someone you love died? They have been returned. Once you realize that your partner, your wealth,

or your health could be gone tomorrow, you start appreciating what you have right now,

because you know it won't last forever. 4. Love Your Fate

Epictetus described the three stages of a person's moral progress. Stage one is the ignorant person.

When things go wrong, the ignorant person starts blaming everyone else. It’s their boss’s fault,

the economy’s fault, or their parents’ fault. They are solely at the mercy of the world.

Stage Two is the person who is just starting to make progress. This person stops blaming others,

but they turn the anger inward and begin to blame themselves. They say, "I should have known

better," or "I always mess this up." It’s a step in the right direction because they are taking

responsibility, but it is still rooted in blame. Stage Three on the other hand is the wise person.

The wise person never has to blame another person or themselves. Why? Because the wise person

understands how the universe works. The Stoics believed the universe is a rational, ordered

system. Every single thing that happens, no matter how painful or annoying, is a part of the system.

So when you complain or play the victim, you're basically looking at reality and saying, "You

made a mistake." Whenever you try to fight the universe, you're picking a fight with reality. And

that’s a fight you will lose every single time. Now accepting reality is one thing, but for the

Stoics, you have to actively love it. This is the idea behind the concept of Amor Fati,

which means loving your fate and leaning into whatever happens to you. As Epictetus says

“Don't wish for things to happen the way you want. Wish for them to happen exactly

as they do, and then you'll find peace.” Because the universe is a perfectly rational

system, every obstacle, every heartbreak, and every loss is not a mistake but a necessary

ingredient in the grand design. It’s meant to be there. Amor Fati means loving your

life as it is, rather than wishing for an earlier version that doesn't exist.

To bring Amor Fati into your life, starting today, you should ban the phrase "Why me?" from your

vocabulary. Asking "Why me?" implies you deserved a permanent, friction-free life which you didn’t.

When you lose a client, your car breaks down, or a relationship ends—try to forbid yourself from

complaining. Treat it as a necessary part of the grand design, step out of the victim mentality,

and say out loud: "This is exactly what I needed to test my character today."

5. Cut Out Toxic People We naturally adopt the anxieties,

the habits, and the standards of the people we spend the most time with. Epictetus warned

his students to avoid people who constantly gossip, complain about their circumstances,

or obsess over trivial, uncontrollable things like sports, celebrities, and money.

If you want to fix your life, you cannot do it while surrounded by people who are committed

to breaking theirs. You need a standard, and you need people who hold you to it.

Look at the five people you spend the most time with. After you hang out with them, do

you feel energized and motivated, or do you feel drained and cynical? Do they hold you accountable,

or do they encourage your worst habits? You need to draw a boundary. Stop engaging

in their gossip. Stop validating their victimhood. Then, actively seek better company. Find a mentor

who has solved the problems you are facing. Join a community built around a difficult

skill or philosophy. And if you can't find those people right away, be alone for a while. It is

infinitely better to sit alone with a good book and a quiet mind than to poison your character

just to fit in with a crowd. 6. Play Your Role Perfectly

Epictetus once said: "Remember that you are an actor in a play,

the nature of which is up to the director." In this scenario, the universe itself is the

director that assigns you the part of a beggar, a ruler, or an ordinary citizen.

Your job isn't to argue about how unfair the casting is. Your job is to put on the costume,

step onto the stage, and perform your given role to the absolute best of your ability.

The Greeks called this concept kathēkon, meaning "appropriate

actions" or "duties," which are required by the specific roles you find yourself in.

We waste years standing on stage refusing to read our lines because we hate the part we were

given. We say, "If only I had richer parents," or "If only my boss was better," then I could

finally do great work. Wishing for a different script just guarantees you will give a terrible

performance in the life you actually have. When Epictetus was cast as a slave with a

broken leg, he didn't waste time wishing to be an emperor. He played his assigned role with such

dignity that he earned his freedom. When his role later changed to a teacher, he played that part

flawlessly, too. True dignity is never found in the part you're given; it’s in how you play it.

To fix your life, you have to stop fighting your circumstances and start executing your duties

within them. Map out your current roles. You are an employee, a boss, a parent, a neighbor, or a

friend. Pick one of those role that is currently frustrating you. Stop wishing the circumstances

around it were different and ask yourself one question: What would a truly honorable,

excellent person do in my exact situation today? If you're stuck in a dead-end job, an excellent

person does the work flawlessly while quietly looking for a new one. If you're dealing with

a difficult family member, an excellent person sets firm boundaries while remaining calm and

respectful. So define what excellence looks like in your specific, messy reality, and then execute

it without complaint. 7. Look Foolish

There is a quote from Epictetus that reads "If you want to improve,

be content to be thought foolish and stupid.” This ties into the Stoic practice of voluntary

hardship. It means choosing to do uncomfortable things so you get tougher. While the ancient

Stoics would intentionally sleep on cold floors or fast to build physical resilience,

the modern version of this is putting yourself in situations where you don't know the answers,

and where you are guaranteed to mess up. Start a hobby totally unrelated to your career.

Take a dance class and accept that you are going to look clumsy in front of others until

you get better. Or pick up a new instrument and play it poorly until you finally get it right.

When you subject yourself to try something difficult, you accomplish two massive things.

First, it demands radical presence. You physically cannot worry about a passive-aggressive email

from your boss or stress over your mortgage when you are trying to lead a dance partner,

or catch your breath in the water. Second, by actively stepping out of your comfort zone,

you prove to yourself that you are capable of learning, adapting, and growing.

8. Act, Don't Speak Epictetus dealt with a fair share of

"armchair philosophers," meaning wealthy men who carried around heavy books, grew out their beards

to look wise, and memorized complex arguments just to sound smart at dinner parties. But the

moment they lost some money or got insulted, they would weep, rage, or just fall to pieces.

Epictetus told his students that a philosopher's school is like a medical clinic for a sick soul.

You go because you are in pain, and you leave with a treatment plan. Epictetus pointed out

how insane it would be to get a prescription from a doctor, and instead of swallowing the medicine,

you just walk around showing the piece of paper to your friends to brag about how healthy you are.

Today, it is very easy to read a book, listen to a podcast, and immediately post a Stoic quote on

social media. We tell our friends we are "getting our lives together" or "practicing mindfulness."

We talk about doing the work so we can get the social reward,

without actually having to do the hard work. But talking drains the exact energy you

need for acting. If you are busy explaining how resilient you are,

you aren't actually practicing resilience. S to fix your life, tell no one that you are

actually trying to fix your life. Delete the inspirational quotes from your social media.

Pull the posters off the wall. Do not offer unsolicited life advice to your friends just

because you read a new book. Let your progress be visible entirely through your actions.

9. Review Your Day We all make mistakes. In Stoicism,

a mistake is not a moral stain on your soul or a reason to hate yourself. It is just an error

in logic. You came to a false impression. You desired something outside your control. It's just

a calculation error, nothing more. And just like a math problem, you don't cry over a wrong answer;

you just review your work, find where you went wrong, and correct it for next time.

Epictetus borrowed a practice from the ancient Pythagoreans and made it

a core Stoic habit. He told his students they should never let sleep close their eyes until

they had reviewed the exact events of the day. This is the evening audit where you take a few

minutes to step back, act as your own unemotional judge, and replay your entire day in your head.

Every night, before you go to sleep, sit with a journal or lie quietly in the dark, and ask

yourself three brutal, objective questions. First: What did I do wrong today? Where did

you let an impression hijack you? Where did you complain? Look at the failure directly,

note the error and figure out how to handle it better tomorrow.

Second: What did I do right today? You have to measure your wins, too. Where did you pause

before getting angry? Where did you play your assigned role excellently, even when it was hard?

And finally, third: What duty was left undone? What uncomfortable conversation

did you avoid? What difficult work did you put off out of laziness?

Find the gaps in your character so you know exactly what to improve tomorrow.

And that’s our video! But what did you think?Which of Epictetus's rules are you going to test out

this week? I’d love to hear your thoughts but until next time, as always… I’ve been Dan,

you’ve been awesome and if you enjoyed what you saw or found it helpful at all, why not check out

our full philosophies for life playlist? And for more videos to help you find success and happiness

using beautiful philosophical wisdom, don’t forget to subscribe. Thanks so much for watching.