Caitlin Van Mol 0:00
Hey guys, just a heads up on this episode.

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Stars audio quality isn't the best. I pulled out all my bag of tricks tricks from my bag

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and did my best here, but she sometimes is a little hard to understand.

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So please just bear with me during this episode, and I still hope you enjoy it.

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This episode contains descriptions of domestic violence. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, you can call one 800 799 SAFE. That's one 800 799 safe.

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To speak to someone at the suicide and crisis lifeline, call 988. The lifeline is 24/7, free, and confidential. You can also live chat with someone at 988 lifeline.org.

Unknown Speaker 1:00
How other than

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your friend

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Steve, you

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said Matt. His name is Matt. Oh, okay. I don't know where I got Steve. Who's Steve?

Unknown Speaker 1:13
Star Lemaire, the most excellent name I've ever heard, was living in San Francisco in 2013.

Unknown Speaker 1:21
How did you meet Dexter? I met him downtown San Francisco. So we have like a mutual friend. My best friend is like his girl best friend. So she kind of like vouched for him. Yeah. Did you know anything about him before you started to date, or how long was it before you actually started to date? I didn't know anything about him. I just met him that day, and you know, we were like talking a little bit on the phone. Then he kind of like disappeared for a while,

Unknown Speaker 1:57
and you know, I ended up beating somebody else. I ended up having a baby, and then he came back, so I started dating him again. How long had you been dating before this happened?

Unknown Speaker 2:08
I only heard I've been dating him for six months. Okay, and how was your relationship during that time?

Unknown Speaker 2:15
Um, it was okay, I guess. I mean, now that I look back at it, I'm like, okay, there were a little red flags, like all of a sudden, and he didn't want me to be friends with my friend anymore. I can hang out with my friend, like, but she's also your friend, so like, what is the problem? I'm not sure. I'm I just had a baby, so I'm still in contact with my baby's father. He had a problem with that. Well, like you have to be

Unknown Speaker 2:41
right, but he just was jealous of that. Like, like controlling not learning to be the fact that I got this little baby, and you have a problem with her seeing her father, or the fact that

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my niece wants to hang out with her auntie.

Unknown Speaker 3:00
Yo, founder of that, like me and my niece, we went to

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get tattoos of my mom's name, which is her grandma. He followed us and watched us and stalked us.

Unknown Speaker 3:12
Did he have a job?

Unknown Speaker 3:14
No.

Unknown Speaker 3:16
And again, Star just had a baby, and yet he wanted a baby so bad. Oh, he wanted a baby. Yes, but he was only 21, right? Yes,

Star 3:30
I was 26, and he he wanted a baby that young. I guess so. Now this sounds like it was just one red flag after another, but there were good times. He even introduced her to his family. I go Thanksgiving. I would go to his grandma's house. I know his grandma, his mom, sisters, and all that. Like it was, it was like a normal relationship, I guess. How did you feel about his family? Some of them are welcomers. Some of them weren't. They were like they were like always bring their pink ex girlfriend. Like, oh, I wish

Unknown Speaker 4:03
her name was Jeremy. I like. Oh, I wish that Jeremy swears. She was also his co-defendant. By the way,

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this is Live to Tell, the podcast where I talk to some of the bravest people who have been through the most horrifying things and lived to tell the tale.

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I'm Caitlin Van Mol.

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On January 6, 2013, Star was doing typical Sunday chores, but before she could get to the laundry, she was on the phone.

Unknown Speaker 4:39
It was my child's father's birthday, so he was incarcerated at that time, and he had called me

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from Gerald. And at the end of the conversation, he says, "I love you. I said, "I love you too, and he got so upset with that. Star didn't feel like arguing about Dexter's jealousy again.

Unknown Speaker 5:00
So she went to the laundromat to do her laundry. I'm in there. I'm doing my laundry, and so here he comes. He still is trying to argue, and I'm like, you know what? I'm just ignoring him. So he takes my phone,

Unknown Speaker 5:14
and he goes out the washouts. There, I'm like, okay, whatever.

Unknown Speaker 5:18
Dexter had walked off, but a few minutes later, she saw him standing outside again. So I could see out the window. He's just standing there. He's standing there. I'm like,

Unknown Speaker 5:29
here we go. So I go out the wash house. So he's asking me. He's like, so what? What do you want to do? What do you want to do with the player shift? So I'm just like, I'm like so over it. I'm like, you know what? Like, I don't want to be with you anymore.

Unknown Speaker 5:44
So then he asked me, like, I want some prepping game show or something. He's like, so is that your final answer?

Unknown Speaker 5:50
So I'm like, okay, whatever. I'm like, yeah, I just don't want to be into that ship anymore. She noticed something odd in his pocket, and it hadn't been there before he left the laundromat. He had it in his back pocket. He had it in a little Pedialyte bottom, so he has the PDL like in his pocket. But I did notice it, and I'm thinking to myself, like, why does he have this in his pocket? But once again, second guess myself. So you know, yeah, we're having this conversation. I'm telling him I don't want to be with you anymore because he's on the side of me, but I can like see him on my periphery. But he's like kind of behind. Then he pulled the bottles out of his pockets and so he pulls it over from my shoulder. Now I stop and I'm like, "What is this? Like, what what is this? So as I'm about to put it to my nose so that I can identify the substance, he touches me with his cigarette,

Unknown Speaker 6:42
and it bursts into flames. When Dexter left the laundromat, he had gone and filled up the bottles with gasoline. So when he asked her if she was sure she wanted to break up, sir, yeah, he had already had in his mind that he is about to kill me, no matter what my answer is. Can you describe

Unknown Speaker 7:05
the realization that you're on fire and the pain? Yes,

Unknown Speaker 7:11
I um can't even describe the pain. I'm just in so excruciating pain. I'm in shock, and I'm like, I don't know what's going on. Like this can't be real, so I'm trying to

Unknown Speaker 7:23
unzip the sweater so I can get it off. The zipper is too high. I can't unzip it. I keep trying. I can't unzip it. I can't unzip it. So now I'm like a little bit panicking, and I'm like,

Unknown Speaker 7:35
"Oh my god! Like I'm about to die. So I just laid on the ground like this is my fate. I'm about to die, so I'm just laying there. I'm crying like, oh my god, like I'm about to die. I just can't believe it's like I'm about to die. Like this is how I'm about

Unknown Speaker 7:53
to die. And then I just hear a voice in my head, and it's just telling me they like star like you have to get up, get up. Like you have three kids, you have to get up. You can't die. You have to get up. So I get up and I pull the sweater out with my hair. Dexter was still there. Like I guess he wanted to like make sure I died. But once I took the sweater off of me, he left. He like ran and got on the bus. He stole my purse too. So, oh,

Unknown Speaker 8:22
rude. I mean, and

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I walk home to my mom like this. I'm like two blocks from my house. The watch house is like two blocks from my house. So I walk two blocks home. I'm screaming for my mom,

Unknown Speaker 8:35
and she comes out. She comes out. Her husband comes out, and I'm screaming to her. She's screaming. She's like, "What happened? What happened? I'm telling her. I'm like, he burned me. Like he burned me. He burned me.

Unknown Speaker 8:45
So then my neighbor, she comes out. I can't remember her name, but I remember her. I dreamed about her when I was in hospital. Like she kind of saved me. So she comes out. She's she's got me by my wrist because that's the only part of me that's not burned, and I'm screaming and I'm telling her like I just want my mom, I just want my mom, and she's like, she can't touch you, like she can't touch you right now, like mom's trying to get to me too. Her husband is holding her back. My mom's screaming, I'm screaming. I'm like, but I just want my mom. Like I'm burning, I'm burning. I just want my mom. She's like, I know, I know, like you're okay, or you're okay, but she can't touch you. So now I'm like, okay, now what? Like at that time it had been raining, so the ground was wet. I just laid on the ground, so I stopped the burn,

Unknown Speaker 9:37
and that's it. I passed out. I got a burn on January six, I woke up. I think it was like

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january 17. Oh my god!

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So, what was what is your first memory of waking up?

Unknown Speaker 9:53
I just woke up. I'm in the hospital. I I can't really move, but I can move. I'm looking. I got all these bandages on.

Unknown Speaker 10:00
And then the nurse she comes in and she notices that I'm wet, so she asks me like, "Do you remember what happened? I'm just

Unknown Speaker 10:08
like, I can't really talk because I had a hug, I had a have a trach, so. But I'm, I can tell she can see the confused look on my face, like, no, I don't know. So when she explained to me what happened, and then it started coming back to me like,

Unknown Speaker 10:23
"Oh, this really happened.

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Star was burned from her head to her waist on the front, all of her right arm and half of her left, and had to have skin grafts taken from her back and legs.

Unknown Speaker 10:39
Unwrapping and half and unwrapping the the bathing was the worst part. Having to keep constantly square ball, the dirt skinning off of you, I I just hated it. I was just so ready to get out of there.

Unknown Speaker 10:54
I fought really hard to get it. They're telling me that I was going to be in that Christmas restaurant. I was out of there two and a half. What progress did you need to make to leave? I just had to work hard. the the The main thing that they really wanted me to do was to be able to walk and talk and be able to do those type of things on my own, you know, regular everyday things till my fort, you know, but in my shirt.

Unknown Speaker 11:21
So once I did those things, I was out of the hospital. I went to Laguna Honda. Laguna Honda is an inpatient rehab center. I only went there for like a week because they, like I said, I fought really hard with my physical therapy. Like I was very determined, so I only spent a week at Laguna Honda Rehabilitation Center, and then I was home. Oh wow! Star's mom and sisters helped her manage when she returned from the rehab center. Have you talked to your mom about

Unknown Speaker 11:53
how she felt seeing you like that?

Unknown Speaker 11:58
No, I, I, we don't. I know. I haven't talked to her about it. I never talked to her about it. Yeah. But I. I. But you know, I kind of feel like

Unknown Speaker 12:09
he kind of feels a little guilty because

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it was her husband's gas room.

Unknown Speaker 12:17
Oh.

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So he he had this truck driving drive that he used to drive trucks, and they would give him gas cards to fill up his truck. So he would like fill up his gas can to put gas in his car. He kept it on the porch.

Unknown Speaker 12:32
Wow! So he knew

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to go there to get.

Unknown Speaker 12:37
So there, he really thought about this for a minute. Yes.

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Star's head and face were severely damaged by the fire, and it was hard to recognize her, especially for her kids.

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How old were your kids at the time?

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Six, five, and one. How did they? What was it like seeing them for the first time,

Unknown Speaker 13:02
they were scared, especially my one-year-old. She was scared. It took like six months every day. She would scream, scream, scream, scream. You know, my doctors and my therapist or serving me to talk to her. You know, but I would talk to her. Or sometimes she would stop crying. She would look at me like sound like my mom, but you don't look like my mom. How did the older ones handle it? They were a little scared too, but you know they were still calm around. But it would be like a standoffish. Yeah. When did that stop? Oh no, they just got used to it. My my one year old, who is now 14, she doesn't know me no other way, right? I mean, she sees she sent me like old picture that I have of me her when she was a baby. She was asking like, "Who is this holding me? And I was doing like that was me.

Unknown Speaker 14:02
What did you? What were you doing for work at this time? I was just going to school to a nurse. I was going to medical school. How did this impact that journey? I just thought going to school, I was just afraid of people seeing

Unknown Speaker 14:19
me. I probably would like to go back now, and I'm and I'm more comfortable situated in my life. But back then, I just did not want to be in the world.

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Did the hospital send any type of counselor

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or someone to talk to anything, anything like that? Not in the hospital, but once I got to the rehab, that's when I did

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counseling and things like that. Did you find that helpful? At the beginning, it was a struggle because I just

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really couldn't understand like why this happened to me, how that this happened to me. I had.

Unknown Speaker 15:00
So many fears, and you know, I was like, "Well, who's gonna love me now?

Unknown Speaker 15:05
And like that, like

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multiple suicide attempts. Like I was just like, "I can't live my life like this. Like I don't want to live like this. Oh,

Unknown Speaker 15:15
I, I just felt like I can't live like this. Like the whole entire world, everywhere, internet, TV, magazines, everything is based on the way we look.

Unknown Speaker 15:29
So I was just like, I just can't. But throughout the years, I still did my therapy. I just was like, I'm still pretty no matter what. Was there a kind of turning point where you stopped having those suicidal thoughts, or was it kind of a gradual putting yourself back together? Well, I met a guy,

Unknown Speaker 15:53
and his name was Mac, and he just

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helped me through my journey because he was in a wheelchair, Mac had been shot and paralyzed years before they met, and had already been through accepting a new normal.

Unknown Speaker 16:09
So he kind of became Star's guide. He understood me and what I was going through, and how having your life alter is a struggle. But you know, and he also just made me feel like I was so pretty. Like he always made sure he told me that reassured me all the time. Like even when I wanted to wear makeup to hide my burns, he was like, "I rather you be with your burns. Like I like you with your burns. Like I don't like me with the makeup. How did you meet him? Same downtown San Francisco. I gotta go to different San Francisco.

Unknown Speaker 16:45
Um, just like around, like how do you? Yes, it is an area where people just hang out. The mol down there. There's just a lots of things downtown San. It's like a tourist attraction. That's where all the tourists go. Did you have like a romantic relationship with him? Yes, we did for like two years,

Unknown Speaker 17:04
but yeah, he he did so. But we're still friends. He's still my friend though. Okay, my friend because we started off as friends. So I just like reminded me that we want our friendship. Yeah, because we ended our own back to friendship. We still friends though.

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We'll be back after this break,

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but if you don't like breaks, you can get ad-free episodes for just $2 a month at

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Patreon.com/lived-to-tell.

Unknown Speaker 17:35
Mac made her feel pretty, but Star also started going out into the world and realized it wasn't so bad.

Unknown Speaker 17:43
Um, I don't really know. I just started going back outside, hanging out with my friends, and doing things with me. Going to the restaurants and going to the dinner, and just seeing that people weren't going to react to you.

Unknown Speaker 18:00
Yeah, I mean, some there were some some days people would

Unknown Speaker 18:06
tell them things, but now some days it was just like people just going on about their day, like they go on your hair like where nobody's really looking at you, but just going on about their day. Do people still say,

Unknown Speaker 18:18
like, do you still get comments that are you're like, come on, mostly from girls.

Unknown Speaker 18:25
And do you? How do you handle that? It just depends on the day. Sometimes it makes me sad. Sometimes it makes me angry. There's sometimes I just brush it off because nine times out of 10, they're only probably there's some guy that they like probably likes me.

Unknown Speaker 18:44
Other than like, obviously, you were afraid of how people would react to how you looked.

Unknown Speaker 18:50
But what other fears did you experience that were new after?

Unknown Speaker 18:56
The gasoline, smelly gasoline, the strike of a lighter,

Unknown Speaker 19:02
all those things. Like even even now, even when I started learning how to drive, and I had to pump my gas for like two years, I would like pay people to pump my gas. Yeah, till one day it was like nobody around, and I had to pump my gas.

Unknown Speaker 19:20
How did that feel? It was a little scary, like a little bit kind of

Unknown Speaker 19:26
spilled on my hands when I took it out. I kind of had a mild panic attack, but

Unknown Speaker 19:33
I I got it together. Did you tell your therapist about that? Was she proud?

Unknown Speaker 19:39
Yes, yes, everybody was being forced into a situation to face her fear was one thing, but letting go of the anger was something she could only do by choice.

Unknown Speaker 19:52
Did you experience a lot of anger

Unknown Speaker 19:55
after this happened to you? Yeah, and how did you?

Unknown Speaker 20:00
Work through that

Unknown Speaker 20:01
with my therapist, and she had give me this book to read. It's called

Unknown Speaker 20:09
"Healing the Angry Brain. And was there anything particularly helpful in that book?

Unknown Speaker 20:15
I guess the whole entire book was a little helpful, but recognizing my

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fight, light, or

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flight, or fight responses. Star had met Dexter through a mutual friend, but neither of them knew about his legal troubles. So, did you know his past

Unknown Speaker 20:34
with domestic violence at all? I did not. I

Unknown Speaker 20:38
found out all these things after the break. Yeah, 17 counts of domestic violence. How did you find out after the fact? The inspector, when he came to my statement and asked some questions, they had told him.

Unknown Speaker 20:52
How did you feel when you heard that? I was in shock and disbelief. Like 17 counts of domestic violence. Like how do you keep letting him slip through the cracks, and now I'm suffering the consequences.

Unknown Speaker 21:06
Did you ever ask your friend

Unknown Speaker 21:08
that introduced you guys? Like, didn't you know about this? I I don't know if she really knew about the 17th night that they messed around, but she did. Used to tell me things like, "Oh, he's look crazy. Like he would like

Unknown Speaker 21:20
take pictures of the girls when you had sex with them, and when get mad at them, he would post them on the internet. So she was like, "Don't ever let him take pictures of you and things like that.

Unknown Speaker 21:31
Did that give you any like pause, or were you just like, "He's cute. I want to date him. I just overlooked it. Dexter Oliver was arrested on january 7, the day after he attacked Star.

Unknown Speaker 21:45
How did they catch him? The news. The news. They put it on the news, and somebody at the hotel said they seen him.

Unknown Speaker 21:52
So he went to like some old girlfriend's house, and she hit him.

Unknown Speaker 21:56
Yes, he was arrested in a hotel. Ignore me saying house earlier, anyway, Dexter's bail was set to $10 million. He was already on probation at the time and had three domestic violence convictions under his belt, so he remained in jail for the five years it took to go to trial.

Unknown Speaker 22:17
At first, why did it take five years?

Unknown Speaker 22:20
Ah, because he just first he just kept on fighting me, fighting me. He kept on saying that it wasn't him and things like that,

Unknown Speaker 22:29
you know. So I don't really know why it took five years, but that's that's all I know. He kept saying that it wasn't him.

Unknown Speaker 22:37
Was there like

Unknown Speaker 22:39
security footage or anything like that. A little bit, but not really. All you can see is

Unknown Speaker 22:47
he comes to the watch house. He goes out, and then I come out

Unknown Speaker 22:52
across the street. And then once we go around the corner, the cameras cut, so you don't see him, and you just see him come running back to the bus station to get on the bus.

Unknown Speaker 23:06
Were you in contact with the prosecutors and and police

Unknown Speaker 23:11
as the case was progressing? Yes. And what were they keeping you updated on? If it was going to go to trial, and you know if they were going to give him a deal, did they offer him a deal? I mean, I guess because we never went to trial. I did a preliminary hearing, but that was it. And he took the deal. He got 28 years.

Unknown Speaker 23:34
How did you feel when you found out he was finally pleading guilty

Unknown Speaker 23:38
after saying for so long that he didn't do

Unknown Speaker 23:42
it. I mean, I was glad that he finally took accountability and that it was going to be over. But the fact that he got 28 years, I was just a little bit upset because I felt like I'm going to be running for the rest of my life. I'm not going to be burning for 28 years. Yeah, and it's like it had obviously was premeditated, like he had to go get the gas and bring it back, and already had a bunch of domestic violence charges. So

Unknown Speaker 24:11
it's not like this was a momentary break for him. This was obviously a pattern of behavior. Did they tell you how much the his sentence would be before the hearing, or did you find out that in court? In court, I was upset. Like that's it. Like my life is only worth 28 years, but you know, I guess no justice is better. I mean, some justice is better than no justice, I guess.

Unknown Speaker 24:40
In her victim impact statement, Starr wrote, "Life has been a struggle. I have to take medication every day.

Unknown Speaker 24:48
I'm afraid to pump my gas. The flick of a lighter makes me flinch. I can't trust. I can't live properly. You robbed me of those things."

Unknown Speaker 25:00
If you

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could write one today,

Unknown Speaker 25:03
what would you say? In the beginning, I just wanted to know

Unknown Speaker 25:09
why.

Unknown Speaker 25:11
I wanted to know why. I want. I wanted to ask him why my therapist said,

Unknown Speaker 25:18
"I might not never get the why. He probably doesn't even know why.

Unknown Speaker 25:22
I'm nothing else to say to him. How do you

Unknown Speaker 25:27
feel about him potentially getting out of prison one day? I mean, I would rather him mad,

Unknown Speaker 25:34
but it's

Unknown Speaker 25:36
out of my control. I mean, he's not gonna be old. I mean, still never be too old to do anything because even the oldest surreal killer still kill. So,

Unknown Speaker 25:47
even when he out of jail, I don't even want to be in the present of heel where he is to potentially run into him. He's just

Unknown Speaker 25:55
crazy. Like

Unknown Speaker 25:57
he write the letters. He thinks that we're going to be together when he gets out of jail, but before I moved to the house, before I moved from the house where he knew that I lived, he would write me letters and he would say like, "Oh, you're still beautiful, and hopefully we can still be together when you get out of jail. He just talks to therapists, trying to pretend like it's not him, but I know it's him. He says, "I'm I'm sorry that he did that to you. So he's writing. He was writing you letters

Unknown Speaker 26:32
saying, "I'm sorry, that person who is not me

Unknown Speaker 26:37
did that to you. Yes. What did you do with the letters? I gave them to the post. Okay, good. When was the last time you got a letter? I was probably like four years into me being burned. I van had a letter from him since he brought. I mean, if he if he is writing me, they're probably getting sent back because he doesn't know where I live. Right. So he was sending them from jail before he was sent yes yes to my old home. I mean, well, yeah, was old now, but at that time I was still living there. But then I had to go there too because just

Unknown Speaker 27:15
walking up the street was just like this is where

Unknown Speaker 27:19
I almost died. Today, Star is still living in the San Francisco area, and though she hasn't finished her nursing degree yet,

Unknown Speaker 27:29
she is still taking care of people.

Unknown Speaker 27:33
What do you do for work now?

Unknown Speaker 27:35
I am an in-home care provider. Okay, so kind of nursing vibes.

Unknown Speaker 27:42
How? Why did you want to get into like nursing and caregiving? It started from caring for Mac. Oh, okay.

Unknown Speaker 27:51
Um, I I would help him bathe. I would help him change. He was in a wheelchair. He was paralyzed from a chance down. So oh, and then you just were like, oh, I can do this.

Unknown Speaker 28:02
Yeah, I liked it. It was like kind of like nursing.

Unknown Speaker 28:07
Yeah, like being a nurse. Yeah, I've always liked the medical field.

Unknown Speaker 28:13
Um, what attracted to you to the medical field?

Unknown Speaker 28:17
I mean, I can't do science. Like, that's just not. There's too many

Unknown Speaker 28:21
weird words that don't make sense.

Unknown Speaker 28:24
My brother got shot when I was like, I think I was like 1415, Oh wow!

Unknown Speaker 28:31
And did you help?

Unknown Speaker 28:33
How bad were his injuries?

Unknown Speaker 28:36
He got shot in the neck. He was a little paralyzed for a little bit. They did say that he wasn't gonna walk, but he walks now. Oh, great! Good for him.

Unknown Speaker 28:50
How do you feel about love and relationships today?

Unknown Speaker 28:55
I I don't want to say I want I don't want to give up on it because I do have a Beyonce Charles that I'm gonna get married to. Ooh,

Unknown Speaker 29:05
thank you, Gratz. Thank you, but it

Unknown Speaker 29:09
is a struggle, though. It's like I'm scared. Like I don't want to be in love. Like I don't like I don't want you to love me too hard. Right. Yeah. So that almost feels scary. Yes. How did you meet your fiance?

Unknown Speaker 29:27
Stop

Unknown Speaker 29:32
it. Downtown, downtown San Francisco. Yes, but I did meet him through my friend, my other friend AJ. Okay, and did was AJ like this is a good guy? Yes.

Unknown Speaker 29:45
Okay, good. How does this

Unknown Speaker 29:49
relationship feel different?

Unknown Speaker 29:52
I feel Jody, right? Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 29:55
and I feel safe. I feel very much safe.

Unknown Speaker 30:06
This is Live to Tell.

Unknown Speaker 30:09
I'm Caitlin Van Mol.

Unknown Speaker 30:11
You can follow the show on Instagram and TikTok at Live to Tell Podcast.

Unknown Speaker 30:17
If you enjoy today's episode, please rate, review, and subscribe. It really helps the show.

Unknown Speaker 30:24
I'll see you in two weeks.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai