Anne Genduso: Catfishing with their daughter's photos, lying about their real

dad, and conning their kid out of a car.

These moms deserve some serious side eye.

Welcome to Nothing Felt Wrong, where we share stories about scams, deception,

and manipulation, and how ordinary people get pulled into situations that feel

believable until suddenly they don't.

I'm Anne Genduso, and if you're fascinated by deception and human behavior, take a

seat next to me at The Side Eye Society.

Today, I'm excited to welcome back my good friend Lyssa, and this time we're

going to look at what happens when the very person who's supposed to raise you,

protect you, teach you, teach you who to trust, is the one doing the deceiving.

Lyssa, do you have your side eye ready?

Because you're gonna need it.

Lyssa: I love it.

Um, yes, hold on

Oh my God, what an intro and, double gut punch with the,

with the, a caretaker angle.

Woo

Anne Genduso: Well, I know.

I mean, we're both moms, which is why I think it's interesting

because this gives you a different perspective when you think about moms.

I mean, we're, I, I think we're both lucky enough to have had moms that

were really welcome and nurturing and all the things that we'd

want in a mom or expect in a mom.

But it's not always like that.

And now that we're moms ourselves, it's, it's actually more horrific to me when

I hear these stories because I'm like, I can't imagine doing that to my child.

Lyssa: I know.

The first thing I thought about was like, like I can't wait to hear about

it to, not, and this is like sick, but like to com- what did my mom…

Did my mom do any of these things?

Like, I don't, I don't know why my mind went there as if I ha- I have a great mom.

Love her.

Um, but, but there are so many things after becoming a parent that I didn't

even think about, and I'm like, "I can't even imagine doing that thing."

So it's like,

Anne Genduso: Ja

Lyssa: I think this might rock me.

Anne Genduso: Oh, it's gonna rock you, but at the same time, I can pretty much

guarantee your mom never did any of these.

If she did, I okay, so should we just dig in?

Lyssa: Alright.

Can't wait to hear

Anne Genduso: all right, so let's go.

Story number one is entitled Mom Was Catfishing Using My Photos,

and the source is Reddit user

NaneShuvs.

" I'm 33, female now.

Back when I was 18 years old, my mom had this addiction with

chatting with foreign men online.

She would use photos of our young house helpers, and she would

convince them to video chat with these men so they could get foreign

husbands with the justification of marrying themselves out of poverty.

mom is the one chatting because she can speak fluent English.

The helpers know very little English.

men would often appear at our house being accommodated by my mother

as the nervous helpers sit by and try to speak a little English.

I really don't know why these men don't figure out that they're being catfished.

Most of the time it's my mom who chats them and not the helpers.

My dad is oblivious to this.

All he knows is it's for the helpers.

I was a teenager and had my own problems at school, so I ignored them most of

the time until One weekend, I was in my bedroom, second floor, doom scrolling,

when I heard a knock on the door.

I opened it and saw a foreign man and my mom standing beside him

with the most Cheshire cat grin.

I can never forget that grin.

It appears my mom stole photos from my social media, we're mutuals,

and posted them to a dating site, and had been chatting with

this foreigner for over a year.

It had gotten to the point that this foreign man flew

overseas alone just to meet me.

knows I've never seen or spoken to this man in my entire life.

was Mom.

Mom knew I had a boyfriend, same age that time.

She personally met him.

How could she do this?

Inside my mind, I panicked.

I thought, 'If this foreign man finds out what Mom did, he might hurt her

then and there.' I lamely tried to go along with it, with panic in my eyes.

The man caught on.

He figured out that we had never spoken.

But since he already flew there, he still wanted to meet me and

invited me to a faraway island in my country for a vacation.

My mom's eyes sparkled.

was mortified.

How could she be excited to have this stranger go with her daughter to a faraway

destination when growing up she won't even let me study in faraway universities?

I felt pimped by my mother." In the end, the man gave up

on me and married a cousin.

Mom arranged that too.

I confronted her a year later for using my photos online.

She slapped me on the face hard and called me selfish.

"They are just photos," she shouted back.

Although I did feel she regrets hitting me, But years later, I still receive hate

comments from foreigners I don't know.

I think my mom still uses my photos.

Lyssa: Oh my God.

Okay, my mom is definitely… She's never done that, that I know of.

Anne Genduso: She hasn't, really?

Lyssa: um, what is the end game?

Like,

Anne Genduso: I don't know.

Lyssa: The danger of bringing in random men in the same

house as teenagers or children

Anne Genduso: I know, I know.

Lyssa: Ah!

Anne Genduso: I mean, first this reminds me of, I don't know if

you've seen, there's a Netflix show, it came out earlier in 2026.

it was like the mom ended up being the person texting the

daughter's boyfriend and pretending to be, like, a jealous person.

But it reminds me of that because, like, she was using her photos.

So that is, that is just wild to me.

the second thing that comes to mind for me is that, yeah, safety issue, and do

you think the dad really didn't know?

' Cause I- I'm like how could he not be like, "Why are all

these men coming into my house?"

Lyssa: It sounds darker, like a sex, like a sex human trafficking situation.

Like vol-

Anne Genduso: certainly is, for sure.

Like, regard- yeah, you're right, especially 'cause of the helpers and

Lyssa: the vulnerable staff, which I, who I assume are young,

the cousin, is she a match?

Like, is she trying to be a matchmaker?

Anne Genduso: Well, yeah, that part sounded like… And

we don't know the country,

Lyssa: Yeah

Anne Genduso: like almost arranged marriage type of

Lyssa: Yeah

Anne Genduso: not in a way that sounded like they were comfortable with.

Um, but you're right, the helper thing, that just, yeah, you're right, it

could've been one of those trafficking things where they actually take their

passports too and don't let them leave.

yeah.

Ooh, God,

Lyssa: it's real- right, that's like, it, it's dark, but like it's, is it

the thrill of chatting with random men?

Like, i- is that what it's all about?

It, because it sounds like she's still doing it like I would love… I, I

may have said this in the last one, but I would love to be a fly on the

wall in that house just to like…

Anne Genduso: Right.

Lyssa: Like, what's the dad doing when these men are knocking at the door?

Come on in.

Anne Genduso: I know.

Maybe he's… Yeah, like, it- because you said the whole trafficking thing,

now I'm going, oh, maybe he was actually

Lyssa: That's what I'm say- Yeah, that's what I mean.

Yeah

Anne Genduso: not just, like, ignoring it, but… Or not just, like, pretending,

"Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, my wife's crazy.

Lyssa: Yeah

Anne Genduso: all these matchmaking things," but, like, actually is part of

Lyssa: Yeah.

Yeah

Anne Genduso: mm, I don't know.

but she did it to her daughter too,

Lyssa: Yeah

Anne Genduso: part where I'm not, I'm not saying it's great

to do for the other ones, not.

But it just, it almost brings it to a totally other level

when she involved family

Lyssa: Right

Anne Genduso: the daughter, the cousin.

Lyssa: Is it a money, like a desperate, desperate for money I

mean, love that this story that I just read about on Vice became relevant

to my life at this very moment.

But I was reading about a woman like she lives in Las Vegas and her entire

lifestyle is funded by sugar daddies, and she's like a professional sugar baby.

So like,

Anne Genduso: Uhum,

Lyssa: you know, I personally don't know what that's like.

Like sometimes I wish I did but, but is it like there are people who are willing

to pay for certain, like this woman is sending a photo of her daughter's face.

The person sends money.

Like, is that like what led up to this, you know?

Anne Genduso: Well, the Cheshire Cat comment,

Lyssa: So creepy

Anne Genduso: creepy smile, which also just kinda reminds me of Elizabeth Holmes

Lyssa: Oh my gosh, we haven't talked about that.

Anne Genduso: that new documentary.

Oh, can I just tell you, I am so

Lyssa: Oh,

Anne Genduso: waiting.

Impatiently.

Lyssa: go, can we go to the movie theaters?

Is it in the movie theaters?

Anne Genduso: Yes.

It will… No, not yet.

It will be in October, and absolutely we are there 'cause that is

Lyssa: that trailer like 15 times

Anne Genduso: That's it?

'Cause I like do you know how many times I've seen… Yes, like dissecting and

listening to the , behavioral analysts talking about like, oh, why it's so

creepy is 'cause her eyes stay this

Lyssa: Yeah

Anne Genduso: fear and then the mouth is like smiley.

But that Cheshire cat

Lyssa: Yes

Anne Genduso: reminded me of something like that where it's like a really creepy,

Lyssa: Mmm-hmm.

Anne Genduso: um,

Lyssa: Ugh

Anne Genduso: smile.

And anyway, that, that part of that right around when he was

saying he was inviting her to an island and all that kind of stuff.

So that's why I think absolutely money is

Lyssa: Epstein?

Is this, is this what's going on here?

Anne Genduso: Oh, God, no, no.

You ruined

it.

Listen, now I'm like totally worried about… This is so much worse.

Oh, I, I can't believe I never even thought of that when I was reading this.

Lyssa: Anyway

Anne Genduso: I just… Y- you're right to question everything be- and this

certainly would be a, especially w- I was just saying that out loud when

I'm like, "Oh, an island." No, I was just thinking of the wealth and the

Lyssa: Yes

Anne Genduso: mom was probably, like, super excited about, like, "Ooh,

yeah, see, you should marry this guy.

He is wealthy.

Who cares about your boyfriend?" From that part of it, whether or not it would be

even more substantial than that, maybe, like, literally paying her for, for

Lyssa: Right,

Anne Genduso: child, which

Lyssa: That, that wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility, and

Anne Genduso: Uhum.

Lyssa: depending on the financial situation of that family, like, it-

Anne Genduso: hired helpers

Lyssa: that's true

Anne Genduso: y- you would assume that, uh, I would assume it was

a l- at least stable household

Lyssa: so I was talking to, someone who, mentioned their, their really

rough upbriga- bringing to me yesterday and, this person said, like, when

you grow up without a lot of means and sometimes your parents put you in

situations that like, yeah, that person wants you to mow their lawn with their

shirt, with your shirt off, do it.

You're gonna do it because we need money.

and I, you know, I did not grow up that way and, um, but there are people

who that is potentially normal and,

Anne Genduso: Right

Lyssa: you do in a desperate situation, but to your point, if

they have staff helping, then that's

Anne Genduso: Well, we're assuming they're paying their staff.

They might not.

They

Lyssa: Sure

Anne Genduso: literally have, you said, trafficked them.

They've got them, and they're working for free,

Lyssa: That's true

Anne Genduso: knows?

Who knows?

But yeah, I mean, there are definitely different motivators, um, for people,

and I think the hardest part about this person who's a victim who is 30-something

now is, like, thinking back on it and wondering, like, the questions that

she might have pushed down, like these questions that you're bringing up that

I naively didn't even think of, that she pushed down and is now needing to

grapple with and understand that, she was deceived multiple times and maybe in

multiple ways, and it may rock her whole foundation of what she thought family was.

Lyssa: But, and still unpacking it decade plus l-later, like,

Anne Genduso: Right.

Lyssa: that, and that's a very se- Like, I'm still unpacking stuff from my

childhood, and with my own kid, she brings up things that make me confront stuff that

I haven't really considered or thought of, or, um, a- and it is a healing thing.

So this person's never going to escape this

Anne Genduso: Oh, sure.

And it'll come up in iterations and, like, things that, like, I thought I had

handled in my 20s come back up again in your 40s and come back in different ways.

And yeah, this was a big one.,

Lyssa: And what,

Anne Genduso: big

Lyssa: what memories did they repress from even before they were 18?

'cause again, when you're, when you grow up with something as a norm

Anne Genduso: Right.

Well, it's interesting, the one thing that stood out to me too was that she said how,

you know, like, "Why is she so excited for me to go away to this island for this

man when she wouldn't even let me go to a foreign university?" Which is interesting

because it does show that there's a level, show that there's a level of protection

there, like where she was like, "I don't want my kid to go." I don't know.

Or, or control, or it was just control, right?

Like, "I don't want you to leave because you're my money maker," or,

"Because I'm going to do something with you." Like, so who knows?

Lyssa: I was gonna say, or

Anne Genduso: everything

Lyssa: she's losing, she's losing her, like, the money.

I mean, that's, that's where my mind went

Anne Genduso: Right.

That's her moneymaker, and j- no, you can't go because I need to sell you.

Oh my God, that's horrible.

Lyssa: I don't like this.

Anne Genduso: okay.

Well, let's move on then because not all…

Lyssa: This

Anne Genduso: of

Lyssa: became

Anne Genduso: how dark this was until, like, I was just like, "Oh, this mom

is horrible," but of cour- I'm like, "Okay, now we've gone into, like, some

Lyssa: Can we talk about a word that you said that I was like,

"What does that…" Hemped?

Did you say

Anne Genduso: What?

no.

Lyssa: You were, you were reading it.

It was, it was straight from the Reddit, it was straight from the

person, but they said something, "I feel h- like hemped by my parents."

Anne Genduso: Pimp!

Hen, buç

Lyssa: I was like, "Is this new terminology that I don't know?"

Anne Genduso: No, P-I-M-P.

Oh, wow.

I need to enunciate better, I guess.

I don't, I'm gonna have to breathe.

Whoo

Okay, story two.

My mom tricked me, and the source is Reddit user Meepcatz with a Z. I had my

own car under my own name 100%, completely separate, didn't need a cosigner.

My father had just passed away, and she received life insurance.

She told me my dad hated my car and would've wanted me to upgrade

it with the life insurance.

I kept denying it, but my mom does not stop until she gets her way.

Honestly, I loved my old car, and just for the sole reason

of it being mine and only mine.

She took advantage of me being kind, and she said, " I have no

credit and can't get a credit card.

How about you sell your car, give me the check, then I can take out a loan for the

rest to build credit?" In this case, I saw everybody winning, so I took the bait.

wanted to help her since she had no credit since my dad just took care of her.

Now, I realized my name is on the car as a cosigner, not owner, and

the car is 100% owned by my mom.

The problem is I gave her $10,500, which was pretty much everything I

had, as in I'm in my l- early 20s and have had to aid her for the

past two years since losing my dad.

She's extremely controlling and manipulative, so now that I'm

trying to leave, she says I can't take her car that she paid for.

Is there anything I can do, or do I just cut my losses?

Lyssa: Goodness gracious

Anne Genduso: Did your mom do that?

Lyssa: This is my story.

I am Meep Cats.

Um, uh, uh

Speechless.

is going to be back to back like, oh my goodness.

I mean, I feel for the, the, the mom.

You know, who knows what, emotional spiral she went through after

the passing of her husband.

Anne Genduso: Uhum.

Lyssa: the, the, her daughter, um, or they, I don't know, their kid.

I don't know why I'm assuming everyone's a woman.

That's…

Anne Genduso: one said daughter,

Lyssa: default is a w- is women.

Um, and, uh, like to control, like this is something that I… M- my

car is my freedom, and it has been my freedom since I was 16 years old and

my parents thank goodness let me drive.

They probably shouldn't have been a- been able to do that.

But it allowed me to get jobs.

Like, it is everything to a person in the suburbs.

And

Anne Genduso: Right

Lyssa: to take that away is ev- it's just like so hurtful on top

of it because, it potentially takes away just so many things that allow

for this person to be independent.

Ugh

Anne Genduso: And they're in their early 20s.

They're not like, you know, full-blown adult, have been out on their own forever.

It's… I, you know, you started with saying you feel for the mom, and

Lyssa: Uhum.

Anne Genduso: that.

I get that 'cause, like, you have empathy, and that is kind of you.

Um, I also though, I mean, think about the child lost their father too.

So person's trying to deal with losing their parent at the same

time and then having another parent take advantage of them or feel like

they're being taken advantage of.

I mean, it certainly sounds like it, because all of a sudden s- you

find out that the car is in her name

Lyssa: Yeah.

I mean,

Anne Genduso: yeah,

Lyssa: honestly, from my perspective, if I were in that situation,

I lost both parents because

Anne Genduso: Ja.

Lyssa: no coming back from the betrayal of what the mom did.

So, that's like an added level of grief and mourning.

Anne Genduso: Yeah, you're right.

You're right.

And I don't even know if that person's there to that point yet, because, like, it

Lyssa: Uhum.

Anne Genduso: like they're kinda working through, like, "Well, what do I…"

They're still, literally in it when they're like, "Well, do I cut my losses

and run?" Or like, you know what I mean?

Like, they're so in it.

And this is another one of those things where I think, like, in 10 years

they're gonna look back and they're gonna keep, kinda, like, replay and

question other things, and… It's tough, too, because this could be

a blip on the radar for the mother.

Like, this could be the mother is having a spiral because

her whole world was shattered.

Um, and yeah, the dad was the breadwinner or something like that.

Or it could be this is how she's always been.

So, like

Right Or never had a reason to do it to the child.

Maybe she did it to other people.

Like, I know plenty of people who, like, will go and, you know, scam other family

members or ask people they don't know.

So, like, maybe this is the first time it's ever been directed at this person,

Lyssa: Grief makes people do the wildest things.

I can see a person whose entire life spirals out of control, and

the only way they feel control is to control the situations around them.

Anne Genduso: Yeah, yeah

Lyssa: not saying that's a, a good thing, um, but you could see that being a defense

mechanism in a situation like that.

Anne Genduso: Could be,

Lyssa: yeah

Anne Genduso: for sure.

like, and it may be genuine that the mother didn't have credit.

like

Lyssa: Sure

Anne Genduso: Let's say the father had taken care of things.

Like everybody's households are different, right?

So she may have always used credit cards or anything like that from the

husband and/or, and/or, again, if the husband was the primary breadwinner,

there is no income to speak of now, so credit would be affected that way.

Lyssa: Uhum

Anne Genduso: so there's, all of that underlying all of it,

but it is the deception, the

Lyssa: Uhum.

Anne Genduso: that she's put it in her name.

Like that you cannot dispute.

Lyssa: Yeah

Anne Genduso: and she says she paid for it even though the

original poster paid $10,500, which was basically all their money.

And this is why, you know, this pod, I always like talking about

this stuff because the whole premise is that this can happen to anyone,

Lyssa: Mm-hmm.

Anne Genduso: when it's your parent.

Lyssa: You fully trust them

Anne Genduso: yeah, you fully trust them, or you want to trust them, or society has

taught you that you should trust them, or maybe, like we said, maybe this mom

was never like that before and you never had a reason to have any doubt, or you

didn't, or at least you didn't see it.

So when something like this happens, it's just so earth-shattering

Lyssa: You know what I, what I can't relate to is having enough, having

enough money to buy a car outright.

Anne Genduso: Oh.

You're so funny.

Lyssa: I just paid off my car actually, six-year loan.

Yes.

And I'm like, six-year loan, okay?

Anne Genduso: I know.

Especially these days, right?

Lyssa: So, my recommendation would be to flee as far away, get far away and

cut your losses because they're… I, I don't know if the mom is in a place to

negotiate or to help them see clearly if they were able to, if they, if they

did the things that they did with-

Anne Genduso: Sure.

I think for me, I would say put up the hard boundary right

Lyssa: Uhum!

Anne Genduso: Like, you will have to cut your loss because unfortunately you

cannot make somebody change the title back to you or whatever happened there.

but put up the hard boundary, whether or not it's no contact or limited contact

or whatever, boundary of there's no more financial exchange between the two of you.

I probably would start investigative mode because I have way too many

questions about like, is this a one-off?

Is this a reflection of her character forever?

And I'd probably start talking… This is just me though,

'cause I'm like really nosy.

I'd probably start talking to other family members or other people close

and just to see, you know, is this a pattern or is this something that

maybe we can repair down the road if she's having a blip of grief

Lyssa: Right

Anne Genduso: I don't know.

But of course, I say this now in my 40s where I have some more

knowledge and wisdom under my belt.

Like in my 20s, I probably would just go no contact for a while and just be like,

I just have to get away, remove myself completely at the moment because there's--

it's so hard to process that when you're in the middle of processing everything

else, including losing your dad.

Lyssa: I imagine this story as well is just like, it, it's just started.

And,

Anne Genduso: Hum.

Lyssa: I, I would imagine that if they go down the path of investigation or

just like asking… Because like your, relationship with your parents, like

it's your relationship how these, these parents, as we know, have different

lives outside of just being a parent.

So you don't know how they are received like at work or at a church or in

other social types of functions.

Like pe- people operate and are received so differently.

So I would love to know.

I would love for this person to follow up

Anne Genduso: Yeah.

definitely.

Please do, if you're watching.

Lyssa: What are the comments?

Anne Genduso: You can message me directly.

Lyssa: What are the comments?

Yeah, what are the responses

Anne Genduso: Okay, so one of the comments says, "Looks like you were the one conned.

She sounds like she lied by omission and manipulated you into this setup.

Learn to set better boundaries.

Would you have given this money to a stranger with a history of manipulation?

Why can't she afford her own car?

Get an agreement in writing of what she will do to repay or whatever.

Technically, for this sum, you could lawyer up too, but depends on how no

contact you want to go." and then the OP actually responded and said, "Def

wouldn't have given it to a stranger, but I felt bad 'cause she's my mom and

had just lost her husband had no credit,

Lyssa: Well,

Anne Genduso: I wanted to help her."

Lyssa: that person's a ve- a little judgmental, okay?

And the fact that the, the person has to respond back too, like,

Anne Genduso: I

Lyssa: it…

Anne Genduso: Well, the whole, like, get better

Lyssa: Yeah.

Anne Genduso: was that, was that really helpful?

Lyssa: I wouldn't do a lot

Anne Genduso: true, but, like, can you, like, help the situation?

Lyssa: do a lot of things.

I would, I would, I behave very differently with strangers than I do with

my own parents, and this is one of them.

Like, I would give my parents money, but like

Anne Genduso: Right, right.

There's that underlying trust that you've built for years.

and, and the OP also says here, "I don't know why I just gave her the

check though, because now she's saying I only gave her 3,000 of the 10,500."

Lyssa: this is a

Anne Genduso: we're gonna continue, and it's gonna be a… Yeah,

Lyssa: This is a ga-

Anne Genduso: more

Lyssa: gaslighting.

Cut your losses, my friend.

Run away

Anne Genduso: Yeah.

well,

Let's move on to story number three because we're in such a great…

least it wasn't quite as dark

Lyssa: Não, vai

Anne Genduso: one, which I didn't realize was so dark.

All right.

Story three.

Now, this one was a comment on a post in, r/NarcissisticMothers, and the,

the post was asking, "Have you ever seen manipulation and lying mixed

together?" And the source of this comment was Reddit user boopnose_joyparade.

" I had always suspected my mom of bending the truth, but I could never prove

it, and she was so self-righteous and religious and so against lying that I

thought there's no way she would ever lie.

Then one day," I caught her in a flat-out lie and manipulation of my grandmother.

She called me mentally ill in a series of disparaging texts.

later that afternoon, I heard her complaining to my very gullible

grandmother from the other room.

They didn't know I could hear them.

grandma believes everything her golden child tells her.

She told my grandma that I called her, my mom, mentally ill and

proceeded to talk badly about me to convince her, and my grandma

was so appalled and ashamed for me.

My jaw was literally agape.

I just caught her in a flat-out terrible lie, and not just a lie,

but words she used to belittle and demean me she is now putting in my

mouth to make me the perpetrator.

How disgusting.

I couldn't see her any differently after that.

Then I started to wonder how many times has she lied to me in my life, to others?

Was everything in that terrible person said really something my mom said?

Lyssa: Hum.

Anne Genduso: I married and divorced a pathological liar, and now I completely

understand why I was attracted to someone like that, and she hated him

because he saw her for who she was.

That was his biggest redeeming quality.

It all makes sense now."

Lyssa: Game recognize game.

Anne Genduso: Yeah.

Exactly.

Lyssa: To, to

Flip it?

Like,

Anne Genduso: Hum.

Lyssa: that's another level of mental gymnastics

Anne Genduso: It's super manipulative.

It's like the whole DARVO, right?

Lyssa: Hum.

Anne Genduso: accuse, reverse s- I can't remember.

Reverse victim.

I'm probab- I, I know I'm forgetting something.

I don't remember what the O is.

Lyssa: Oh.

Anne Genduso: But, but

Lyssa: Oh my God

Anne Genduso: yeah.

that is what that i- right?

It's reverse.

It's flipping it.

But they always say that,

Like, they say that about people who, where they project, And I

think that's part of projection too, because it's like, "Oh, you're the

one who did it, but now you're saying that person did it." But yes, there

was a lot of gymnastics in there.

And to involve another family member.

Lyssa: Mm-hmm.

To tell granny?

to tell granny lies?

Like, a gr-

Anne Genduso: to get them on the same side so

Lyssa: right

Anne Genduso: like gossip about her child,

Lyssa: That's so,

Anne Genduso: awful

Lyssa: mani- manipulative both ways.

But if that granny has had that experience before, she's probably like, "Eh."

Anne Genduso: Maybe,

Lyssa: But golden child, that's true

Anne Genduso: Right.

So it sounds like sh- granny's buying into it, but also the part that's

really extra, like, earth-shattering, damning, life-altering, whatever

word you wanna say, the fact that she had presented herself as this

pious, religious, anti-lying person.

And mean, how many times have we seen that?

Like,

Lyssa: I

Anne Genduso: a whole rabbit hole of religion, but like

Lyssa: Ah!

Anne Genduso: leaders don't end up being the pious people they say they

are, but they use that as a shield

Lyssa: I hate nothing more than self-righteous religious people who

act all high and mighty, and then it is discovered they are hypocrites.

Oh, there's an added level of like disdain for me for those types of people

Anne Genduso: Yeah.

Well, there's also… So there's the disdain, for sure.

But then I also have, so here's my empathy coming out.

I also have a little bit of empathy because people aren't

necessarily self-aware,

Lyssa: Uhum

Anne Genduso: and I feel like those types of people are the people that

hate that aspect of themselves.

And so they put that on…

Like, like we all are liars, right?

Like

Lyssa: Ja

Anne Genduso: in our lives.

That's why I kind of giggled when I was reading that one part where she's

like, "I couldn't imagine her ever lying." I'm like, well, we've all lied.

But I don't know.

I… So there is something about it like where they might disdain that portion of

themselves so much that they just reflect it onto other people and then say how

much they disdain that in other people.

Lyssa: Yeah, this one actually made me think about my mom, and I'll tell you why.

Anne Genduso: okay.

Lyssa: So my

Anne Genduso: I hope

Lyssa: mom,

Anne Genduso: not listening.

Lyssa: she… No, she, she knows.

Anne Genduso: Okay

Lyssa: knows she does this.

So, my mom loves a dramatic storytelling, like loves to be the one who's

dramatically providing the story.

And there have been countless situations where I have told her

something that happened to me and, and she will forget that I told her,

and will tell me, and will, will…

And she's not lying.

It's like something in her brain.

Like, she'll be like, "Did you know that your cousin traveled to, uh,

Ethiopia and, visited a g- a coffee shop and saw dogs?" Uh, whatever.

That, that, I don't know why that came to me.

That was my life, let's say.

I went to Ethiopia and I saw

Anne Genduso: story.

Lyssa: What a story.

Um, and I'm like, I used to say to her, "Mom, that's my story. Like, I,

I told you that." But at this point I just let her go and, it makes me

laugh every time, and I tell my dad.

And sometimes the story will, like the location will change.

The sh- the c- the color of the shirt someone was wearing.

Like, she makes it her own to tell you.

And it's, it gets me every time.

So that's what this reminded me of, of like this, like … The difference is…

Oh, I guess there's not a difference.

The, the, this mother con- has convinced herself in a way, I bet she has convinced

herself that she did the thing and-

Anne Genduso: Right, right, right.

Well, also your mom's stories are, were innocuous

Lyssa: There, yeah, it's, it's different, but it,

Anne Genduso: about you or about… Yeah,

Lyssa: it made me think about it though.

Anne Genduso: Right,

Lyssa: and this is a weird one too.

so I, um, I worked with someone who, a manager who lied to me,

and it made me think of that too.

that I caught in a few lies and, at that point, there's nothing I could

do, just put myself at a dis- you know, distance, and I couldn't trust the

things that they were saying to me about like, "So-and-so said this about you."

And then I would confront the person and say, "I'm s- did you

have a pro- you know, did I do something?" And I never said that.

So it's like, it just is one of those.

Anne Genduso: right

Lyssa: there was this one weird time that the manager was going through a

tough time in their lives, their life, and they were talking to me about

me So it was like, there was like,

Anne Genduso: "Wait,

Lyssa: it was like there was like a, a moment of grief that was in- happening,

and I was on a call with them, and they were talk- having a conversation

with me and said something like, "Yeah, and Lyssa needs to do that thing."

Or something that was kind of like d- not disparaging, but just like a, like

a h- like, "Ugh, Lyssa, she always asks that question." I don't know.

Anne Genduso: Yeah

Lyssa: it was like a, like she was talking shit about me to me

Anne Genduso: That, yeah.

Okay, so that is one reason that we should never have memory problem.

If you're gonna be a manipulative, horrible person

Lyssa: There you go.

You gotta, you gotta

Anne Genduso: Or don't go through me- perimenopause,

Lyssa: yeah.

Anne Genduso: don't, yeah,

Lyssa: was like,

Anne Genduso: brain.

Lyssa: like grief induced, forgetfulness.

I, I, l- it was so wild and I was just like, "Okay, she's

talking shit about me to me."

Anne Genduso: Oh, that's a new one.

Lyssa: To b- but the point I'm trying to make is the power of the brain we lose

our minds sometimes, and, like, who knows?

Who knows?

Anne Genduso: I don't know.

I've already assigned, like, a whole persona to this person who I don't know

at all, so I really shouldn't do that.

But I'm assuming she was just a really gossipy busybody who liked to do these

types of things, and yeah, ended up getting caught, and it, and it shattered

the child's life, or whole, whole view of her, which is horrible, but illuminating

Lyssa: Begin questioning

Anne Genduso: and you need that, too, right?

Like, you need to know who you're dealing with so then you can adjust accordingly

Lyssa: And like the other example, is gonna question every interaction,

Anne Genduso: Mm,

Lyssa: like from here on out.

Anne Genduso: And maybe they should,

Lyssa: Yeah.

' No, they

Anne Genduso: It's a protective measure too,

Lyssa: 100% should, but it's just gonna be like, again, when you grow

up with something that is normal to you and then the veil has been removed

and you're like, "Oh my gosh, was

Anne Genduso: É.

Lyssa: that also something?

I'd be just, I was blind to all of the patterns.

Anne Genduso: Yep.

I'd like to think that this helps, and that's why we're talking about it, helps

with all relationships in the future, not to make you, like, on guard, uh,

constantly and, like, distrustful of people, but so that you do know when

like, you hear these things, you hear the re- repetitive, the patterns, the human

behavior, 'cause it happens, and then you can start spotting it maybe a little bit

sooner or before it's too late so that you're not… I mean, in this case, like,

this person's life wasn't, like, ruined or anything, but yeah, she got talked about.

So, but now to say, "Okay, now I know how much I'm gonna tell her and how much

I'm gonna keep her at arm's length."

Lyssa: And then the, the other thing that I was gonna bring up actually in

the last story, this person said about how they were married to a pathological

liar too, and I was gonna bring up in the last one, based on how young they

are, I have a feeling that they're going to attract if, now that they see that,

they're go- they're going to notice other relationships that are, uh, similar.

Because you don't realize that again, not victim blaming, but the idea of like

attracting… There's like a dynamic.

People

Anne Genduso: you are familiar with things, so

Lyssa: Exactly

Anne Genduso: that you're familiar with, and if the person that you are familiar

with and trusted wasn't trustworthy, um, but you just start going to other people.

So yeah, yeah.

Story number four.

My mom lied my whole adult life.

Dad, not bio dad.

Thoughts on dealing with mom?

And the source is Reddit user detectivewillingfourone seveneight.

" I'm in my forties, happily married with three kids.

I myself am an only child.

Just after I had my first son, he's fifteen now, my mom told me that my

father, who I'm very close with and love very much, wasn't my bio dad.

she had some fling with an old boyfriend at the same time her and

my dad were dating and engaged.

Fast-forward to several years later, when I was a young girl, my mom

said I started looking more and more like her ex, and she just knew.

claims she was racked with guilt and indecision about what to do

for years and never told a soul, even though she knew deep down.

She went on and on about how hard it was for her.

So finally, when I'm a full-blown adult, at the happiest time in my life, when

I just had my first son, she decides to finally come clean to my dad and me.

She says she wanted us to know in case anything ever

came up medically, et cetera.

My dad didn't know either.

What makes it all crazier is that my dad is a different race, so

there's an added layer of effed

Lyssa: What?

Anne Genduso: However, I've always kinda looked mixed, but no one

could ever really pinpoint it, and I've been mistaken for numerous

different ethnicities over the years.

So when she tells me, I'm absolutely floored.

All of the emotions, as you can imagine anger, disappointment,

confusion, et cetera.

We have a couple more talks about it.

I talk with my dad a bit, and I decide to move on.

My dad and I both agreeing that this didn't change our relationship.

Lyssa: Uhum.

Anne Genduso: due to the fact that I literally just had a newborn and then

proceeded to have a couple more kids in the coming years, I really didn't deal

with it or process the whole thing.

Looking back, I think it was just too much to really comprehend, so I focused

on my husband, my boys, and my life.

I continued a relationship with my mom.

Her and my dad are still married almost fifty years later, and he's

chosen to forgive, her dishonesty."

Lyssa: Uau!

Anne Genduso: "However, I've always had this irritation, disappointment,

and overall resentment towards my mom.

And now that my boys are getting a bit older and I've done tons of therapy,

processed this more, talked to a couple close friends, et cetera, I'm

actually more disappointed by her.

I've always been very self-aware, had a strong intuition.

I'm confident, caring, and want to be the best me I can be.

On the flip side, my mom is not, and I don't think she truly understands how

effed this whole situation really is."

Lyssa: Oh my goodness.

what a loving father she has, first off, and partner, that the mom has in him.

so my first thought was I would be furious because of the health angle.

Because like, there are things in my own family that are secretive or, or

people didn't know any better that are, have just been shared recently.

and I'm like, well had I known that,

Anne Genduso: Right.

Right

Lyssa: and like that alone is reason enough to be angry and resentful

because you wanna know the, what your parents biologically have dealt

with, so it can help inform your, your, particular diagnoses maybe.

the other thing I was thinking about is given the fact that her, her

biological father was a different race,

Anne Genduso: É.

Lyssa: I almost wonder if the mother shared this information with her daughter

because she was having her own kids.

And imagine if like the timing of this makes sense if, the daughter

gave birth and the kid turned out a different shade than the father,

then it would cause a whole other…

Because genes are so interesting that,

Anne Genduso: Yeah

Lyssa: you know, like the twins, the, the twins with the, uh, mixed parents,

one of them turned out with the shade of the, you know, a darker brown

shade, the other one turned out white.

Like, you just don't know how that, how that happens, and it would have

strained, could have potentially strained her daughter's marriage if the father

thought, if he's also, let's say, white.

if, you just didn't expect that.

So it was almost a, I wonder if the timing was because of that

Anne Genduso: Well, maybe the mom saw the newborn

Lyssa: Yeah.

Anne Genduso: thought that.

They could have actually, she could have seen the newborn and been

like, "Oh, it's slightly different shade than…" You know what I

Lyssa: Well, I was gonna say if I, if, if I was married to a white, or if I had a

child with a white man, which I do not, and my interracial child, which I do

have, came out looking the way, like, with my white husband, you'd be like, "What?

Anne Genduso: What

Lyssa: You're not the father." Because

Anne Genduso: Yeah.

Well, let me just say, what a slap in the face for so many reasons, obviously.

But thing that would've made me so mad is that she's concerned about

maybe my child's health reasons.

Well, what about mine?

Like, you didn't tell me for my whole life?

Like,

Lyssa: So yeah,

Anne Genduso: ha- or

Lyssa: exactly

Anne Genduso: Like, obviously you didn't care about my health or my understanding

of potential genetic disorders or anything like that, especially since she knew.

She said she figured it out, like, when she was a few years old.

Lyssa: Yeah.

Anne Genduso: and then kept that

Lyssa: Yes

Anne Genduso: Like, it's like that is where it's the huge slap in the face.

We're like, "Oh, thank you for caring about your grandkids, I guess, and not

your own children or, or your husband."

Lyssa: Poor husband.

Anne Genduso: mean, she was engaged at the time she did it.

I mean, listen, uh, I- everyone has their things.

I'm not trying to totally, like, shame somebody, but that's a big

secret to keep for a really long

Lyssa: That's a big…

Anne Genduso: time

Lyssa: But I do know people, in my life who have kept secrets about

previous marriages, who have kept secrets about- Mm-hmm from their kids.

They keep it from them.

they have other kids that they, uh, adopted out when they were young and

haven't told their kids, so their kids have siblings that are out there.

Anne Genduso: Yeah, it does happen.

Yeah

Lyssa: people have secrets, but it's like when it impacts others

is where it gets a little hairy

Anne Genduso: Well, this impacted so many people,

Lyssa: So many

Anne Genduso: impacting her, like

Lyssa: just her husband.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Anne Genduso: Or just her,

Lyssa: Right

Anne Genduso: Like, that's why she kept the secret, because she didn't

wanna get caught for her, right?

Where it was a selfish, "I, I messed up, and I don't want people to know."

And at the time, she might not have truly known because she had two men.

She didn't really

Lyssa: Well, that's the… Right.

And if,

Anne Genduso: later

Lyssa: if the baby, if the baby came out not looking, uh, like the

biological father, then, then they, she could conceal it for a while

Anne Genduso: Or ambiguous, right?

Like that's what this person said, that they've kind of been

ethnically ambiguous their life.

So like might not have known and might, might not have had thinking

like, I, oh, I'm concealing it.

She might have been like, "Oh, well maybe it is the dad there."

Lyssa: Um, there, unless she got a DNA test, what, how would she know for sure?

Anne Genduso: Right.

And we're talking even, I can't remember how old this person

was, but, they have several kids.

Like, DNA tests weren't super accessible,

Lyssa: Ja.

Anne Genduso: back then

Lyssa: Ja.

Anne Genduso: but now… And that's why it's so fascinating

when you were just telling me.

Not, maybe not the marriages, 'cause marriages ne- won't necessarily come

out unless there were children from it, but, like, hiding other siblings that

were adopted away and things like that.

Like, these days people are gonna find out.

Like, all they have to do is one DNA test, an Ancestry test, and, you

know, which would you rather have?

Have your children find something out r- or cousins even, like, it doesn't

even have to be your direct descendants who find out, or, you know, address it

when they're old enough to understand so that way you can get ahead of it

and just admit that something happened in a different part of your life

Lyssa: Just that there's shame to it.

I know that my mom has a, uh, someone that she went to high school with, turns out

to have been like a, a love child of her grandfather, so it was like her cousin.

Anne Genduso: Oh my

Lyssa: Something like that, yeah.

Anne Genduso: Oh my goodness.

Lyssa: So,

Anne Genduso: Somebody she went to school with

Lyssa: but this is what I fear when I get that like 23andMe report, like

a new relative has been found, I'm like, please God, Dad, please not have

done things that would have caused me to have like an, a half sister,

half brother, like 30 years later.

Anne Genduso: You

Lyssa: 'Cause

Anne Genduso: Lisa?

Lyssa: it happens

Anne Genduso: I haven't gotten one done, and I refuse to because that.

like I want to stay in my naive bubble that I am sure, I guarantee someone… It

might not have been… I don't think it was my parents, my father or my mother,

'cause th- they get mad when I say that.

I'm like, "I don't wanna know.

I don't wanna know the crap that might be out there." And they're like,

"You think we would?" I'm like, "No, but I don't know Like, I don't know.

I could have 25 cousins, and I don't wanna know.

I don't wanna know." I will stay in my ignorance, especially

because I am such an investigative person, and I wouldn't let it go.

So if I see something, I would wanna know all the information.

So like you just said, like getting an email, a ping saying,

"Oh, you have a new relative," I,

Lyssa: Yep.

Anne Genduso: That, I'd be in a spiral for like two days.

Even, even if it was just a distant one, I'd wanna know everything and how,

Lyssa: Yeah.

I mean, like,

Anne Genduso: that would-

Lyssa: The only reason I'm getting these is because, you know, they're signing

up for the first time, that's why.

There are people who learn that they have siblings through-

Anne Genduso: had a coworker that had that

Lyssa: I know.

And I, I'm like, again, please, please, Dad,

Anne Genduso: But it doesn't have to be… That's why I'm saying

Lyssa: yeah.

Anne Genduso: to be your

Lyssa: Weird dad.

Anne Genduso: can be your grandpa.

It could be your, it could be a lot of,

Lyssa: Right

Anne Genduso: honestly, a lot of the male relatives, you know.

But it's the female relatives too.

Look at this, this woman did this, and like you said, there's been people who

give people up for adoption, and they just don't wanna, uh, and I understand.

I understand, especially, like, we don't know situations.

Like, were they a teen?

Were they… Like, there's

Lyssa: That's it.

Yeah.

Yeah

Anne Genduso: in this case, you know, like, infidelity, it happens.

Lyssa: Sure

To hold on to that lie too for so long, just

Anne Genduso: Yeah,

Lyssa: every single day beats… It, it, it's, it confronts you.

You, uh, you can't escape it.

And, I hope that at the very, like, the best case scenario of this situation,

at least with the mom, you know, the daughter ha- has to reconcile with

everything, but that the mom feels a weight that's been lifted on something

that she may or may not have felt she…

Maybe it was a situation where It wasn't infidelity.

The parents, the, the dad was, knew about it.

Like, who the heck knows, right?

Um-

Anne Genduso: Well, that's true, and there could also be assault.

Like,

Lyssa: Yes, exactly.

Exactly.

So,

Anne Genduso: right

Lyssa: but, for her to feel clearer about it and a, and maybe, maybe, you

know, um, glass, what's a glass half full situation that they actually,

the mother and daughter have a better relationship because they, she doesn't

have that barrier, that lie in the way

Anne Genduso: It could.

It certainly could.

I, I think the last thing that the poster had said, though, was like, "I don't think

Lyssa: Já

Anne Genduso: understands how effed this situation is," which may not be true.

May- uh, obviously we all have our own perspectives, and the daughter

is now going back to it again, revisiting, because again, we talked

about this earlier, you revisit things at different times in your life.

but she may be seeing something that this mom had grappled with for years,

and had that shame for years, and had all that, and internally, and she

feels relief now, and the daughter is interpreting that as she doesn't care,

Lyssa: Yeah

Anne Genduso: how messed up it is.

that might not be actually what's happening.

Um, that's why communication's so

Lyssa: Yeah.

That one's tough

Anne Genduso: and I think it's interesting 'cause this, this one also shows,

how there's different types of lies,

Lyssa: Uhum.

Anne Genduso: levels of deception, different reasons behind deception.

Um, this one wasn't, like, or

Lyssa: Right

Anne Genduso: like it was purposeful.

It doesn't feel like, "I'm gonna ruin my child's

Lyssa: Right

Anne Genduso: gonna keep everything from her." You know, um,

Lyssa: was self, it was self-preservation.

It was protection.

It was, done in a way that was kind, you know?

Trying to be kind.

Anne Genduso: Right.

I gotcha.

Yeah.

Lyssa: yeah

Anne Genduso: Right, and so there's different, like if, if things were

like very severe black and white and we just say like, "Oh, a lie, we don't

trust, we don't like people who lie, period," well, then you wouldn't like

anyone, which, you know, kind of don't.

But no, I'm just kidding.

But, but there is like that whole thing, like that's why

it can't be black and white.

It

Lyssa: Yeah

Anne Genduso: so many different shades of gray and so many

different reasons and, and it's what you do with that information.

Like you can stew on it, you can push it away and pretend it didn't happen.

and you see in these stories like that gamut of emotions and how

people react to all these things.

It's all over the place, and it's just hoping that maybe we all have a little

bit more understanding for each other and continue that communication until

you realize like, "Okay, no, I see you." Like if, and if it is one of those cases

where, yeah, I, I shouldn't have this relationship or this relationship needs to

be at arm's length, then proceed that way

Yeah, yeah

É.

Lyssa: What's interesting too about the person, what they posted is, um, they…

What I would also be upset by is the… It sounds like she has a really great father,

but I would feel really, really upset by not being, being allowed to have a, have

a relationship with my biological father.

And someone, someone stripped, someone took that away from me.

Anne Genduso: Sure

Lyssa: and, uh, interesting that that wasn't something that she brought up,

and maybe 'cause she had such a great father that she didn't feel like there

was a hole in her life, you know?

Anne Genduso: to,

Lyssa: Right.

Anne Genduso: m- some people don't want

Lyssa: Yeah.

Anne Genduso: wanna, like, open that.

And, and honestly, we don't even know if that biological father's around, alive.

And maybe she didn't wanna know.

Maybe she's like me.

Like, I'd rather stick my head in the sand and not know, like,

Lyssa: Yeah.

Anne Genduso: um

Lyssa: then it opens a whole other, like, part of your heart

that you didn't even know you had.

And someone… I was listening to a podcast yesterday about this person didn't

know their biological father until maybe after they died, and that's when the,

the m- the mother told this person about their details about the biological father.

And it was like, "I didn't even know how to react. I didn't know how to feel. Like,

I've never met this person in my life, and now I'm, I'm grieving a relationship

that I didn't even know I, I had." And it was just like, the, there, it's…

Anne Genduso: opportunity to find out.

Like

Lyssa: Just so complicated just finding that out, you know?

Anne Genduso: Right, and we don't know.

That could be the case for this person too.

that's wild.

Well, I'm so glad you came on to talk about this because I think

these are complicated issues, but they're real-life issues.

And we can each relate to some part of these stories even if we

didn't experience these things.

All right, side-eyers, thank you so much for joining me today to talk

about moms behaving very, very badly.

And if you want more stories like these, make sure to like and subscribe,

or if you're listening on a podcast app, leave a rating or review.

It helps tell the fickle algorithm gods that we have stories worth hearing, and

it helps more people discover the show.

Let's leave you with this week's side eye question.

Thinking about these stories, which mom gets the most side eye from you?

Lyssa: Has

Anne Genduso: something like this happened to you or anyone you know?

Drop your answer in the comments, and let's discuss.

finally, if you have your own story of deception, scams, or

manipulation, we wanna hear them.

Email us at stories@nothingfeltwrong.com.

We may feature your story in a future episode, and we'll keep everything

anonymous for legal protection.

the more stories we share, the more we'll know what to look out for.

I'll see you next time, and until then, keep your side eye sharp because

nothing felt wrong until it did.