Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of Here Comes The Drama.

I'm your host, Christa Innis, and I'm so grateful that you

guys are here with me today.

If it's your first time, welcome.

We have a lot of chaos, wedding drama, relationship, family

stories, and so much more.

this episode I wanna start off by reading a, a podcast review.

This person says, "I love to listen to wedding drama, plus the fact that

I follow Christa Innis on social media, this is a match made in

podcast heaven. I love this so much." Thank you for your review, Chelsea.

As always, if you are enjoying the podcast, love listening to

it, please share it with a friend or leave a review of your own.

It really helps me out, helps the word get out, and, you know, those people

that love listening to drama stories, this is the right place for them.

it's so funny because recently I was on another podcast, and, the Over Share Hour

with my friend Jubilee, and, she on her podcast reads different Reddit stories

and she was like, "Do you wanna come on and we can read wild wedding stories?"

I was like, " Tell me more.

I'm in.

I would love that." So, it's just kind of funny, more and more people love to

come to me and share these crazy stories.

'cause you know what?

Who, who doesn't love to hear a crazy story?

And they just get crazier and crazier.

so I know I've been kind of all over the place.

a lot of things that I work on behind the scenes that you guys don't see, and

I know I've talked about this before.

and, the guys that have been here a while, through the beginning

and kind of seen the different, changes I've made, understand it.

They've heard the spiel of what you see out there is not always

what I'm working on, right?

so I know it's been kind of crazy, but it's fun.

There's just a lot of, different, like, areas that I'm trying to work on at

the same time, so sometimes it's hard for me to know where to put my focus.

and I tend to… Like, I'll have, like, a long list, and I always laugh at myself

'cause I have, like, a long list of things I need to get done, and, I'll have a short

span where I can, like, really focus.

You know, like, my daughter's either at school or she's napping.

I'm like, "Okay, I can focus," and then I end up doing something that wasn't even

on my list because I'm like, "Oh, I just, like, love creating the skits," and, like,

those are so fun to put out, but then I'm, like, behind on another deadline.

Anyway, I'm getting on a whole tangent here,

Okay, so one of the things I can finally share with you guys today, because it's

officially been announced, is, if you guys are familiar with Shauna the mom,

Shauna Lander, who does the most amazing skits on social media about, moms'

experience, motherhood, relationships.

I mean, she's an amazing actress and storyteller.

I've been a huge fan for a long time.

She was actually on the podcast, I think back in March or April of this year.

well, she is releasing her first book this October it comes out.

And, I get to be a part of her book tour, so I'm really excited for that.

so on October 11th, we will be in Naperville, Illinois, and

it's at Anderson's Bookshop.

We'll put all the details below.

I don't know if there's, like, a limited number of tickets or how that all works.

We've already kind of, or she's already shared it on her social media.

So, we will see.

But, I'm gonna be leading a discussion with her about the book and so much more.

So if you are interested in attending and hanging out with us and being a

part of her first stop on the book launch, click the link in the show

notes and you can come hang out.

I'm so excited.

I was so honored when she asked me.

like I said, I've been a huge fan of hers for a year.

and I'm just so excited for her book.

she is such a real person on and off screen, and she's just been so kind, and

I just, I look up to her and her work.

So that's one of the fun things I can share with you guys.

Some other things I can't share quite yet, but I'm very excited for, I

have, told you guys I am working on book number two, Drama Ever After.

There's the first one behind me.

so that's been another work in progress.

And like I said, that's one of the things I keep pushing off 'cause I'll

be like, " Oh, the skits are so fun.

People are waiting." But then I'm like, "Oh my gosh, I'm so behind on

my deadlines for the book." All right.

Anyway, next up I wanted to do a kind of, like, different thing for today.

It's gonna be called Rapid Wedding Topics.

I'm gonna read a wedding topic that you either see in media or people talk about

and just share my quick thoughts on them.

Okay?

there's a lot out there.

There's a lot of, controversy with certain topics, and- I'm

gonna try my best to be short and sweet, but you guys know how I get.

Sometimes I ramble, and I get excited, and I wanna share my thoughts.

So when you guys hear these topics come up, I wanna hear your thoughts

too, so comment them on YouTube.

and I almost wanna hear what you think.

All right, first one, shedding for the wedding.

no, I think that's harmful.

I think it creates this idea that we have to look a certain way on our

wedding day, or we are not gonna be the most beautiful bride in the room.

You got engaged looking just the way you do, you can get married the way you do.

It should be about how you feel and how you want.

That should be same for any fitness or weight loss goal, should have

to be how you feel, not how society makes us feel or anyone around you.

I hate when people ask, like, "Oh, are you shedding for the wedding?" No.

No, no, no.

I don't think we should do that.

the no ring, no bring rule.

No, I hate that.

I hate that rule.

Someone recently commented that on a video of mine about, someone not having

a plus one, and someone was so adamant, like, "No ring, no bring." I hate that.

I hate it because people don't get married for different reasons.

Some people don't wanna get married.

Some people, have been together a long time and just never wanted a ring.

That's just not their thing.

I don't know.

it's kind of putting value on a relationship just because they're engaged

or married, and I think that's weird.

' Cause some people get engaged after three months, some people

get engaged after six years.

Some people, like I said, don't get married.

So I think that's a weird ranking system of relationships that we shouldn't have.

okay, no ring by spring.

that's kind of insinuating more of, like, an ultimatum for people and saying,

like, "Oh, if I don't get a ring by this certain date, we're breaking up."

I am so, so, so anti that because you shouldn't have to give an ultimatum to

take that next step together, and it makes me wonder: Where does that end?

So if you're gonna have an ultimatum for this, are you gonna have an

ultimatum for, oh, if we don't have a baby by this point, if you don't have

a, this certain job by this point, if we don't have this kind of house?

It just creates a weird dynamic, I think, in relationships.

Okay, no kids at weddings.

I think it's fine.

I think it's totally up to the bride and groom.

It's totally up to the couple getting married.

I think it's fine with, I think it's fine without, I think

it's fine if it's just family.

It's whatever you want.

I think that's okay.

No plus one for a single guest.

Acceptable or rude?

I think it's gonna depend on the wedding.

I know that I said little words, but I think it's really

gonna depend on the wedding.

There are some where it really is just a small group of people, and

they're gonna have their family, they're gonna have all their friends

there, so I think that's okay.

If it's a huge wedding and they're just purposely leaving

some people out because they're single, I think that's kinda weird.

I remember getting, being very surprised one time, 'cause I went to one of my

mom's friend's weddings, and I was 20 or 21 at the time, and, I got a plus-one.

I was like, "I'm going with my family." Like, I was very surprised.

I wasn't dating anyone, so I just brought one of my friends from college.

Okay, wedding guest dress codes.

I think they're fine.

I think it just depends on the level, right?

Like, let's say, okay, we're gonna have cocktail dress attire, we're

gonna have formal dress attire, we're gonna have casual dress attire.

I think that's fine.

When we're getting very specific and telling people, like, you

have to dress this way or don't come, that's a little much.

Costumes optional or a certain style optional, yeah, that's fine.

wedding content creators.

I think if the couple wants that, absolutely, I don't

see the problem in with it.

I think what's great about it is that you're not having the couple

being on their own phones or, like, the wedding party on their phone.

You can have someone take care of it.

So I think it's totally fine.

If you don't have the budget for it, don't even worry about it.

I think your wedding will be fine without it.

also making sure, 'cause I did see a story about this, making sure that your

photographer and content creator are either a part of the same team or they

realize they're both there, because I've heard of them kind of bumping heads.

So make sure they're kinda all on the same page.

bridesmaid proposal boxes.

I think they're cute because I loved that.

I couldn't wait to give mine to my, bridesmaids, but I think we are getting

into the overconsumption of, having to spend a certain dollar amount.

I've seen a lot of influencers That share like thousand dollar gifts for their

bridesmaids, and while that's all well and good if you can afford it and that,

you know, works for your bridal party, to me doing that and then sharing that makes

people think that they have to spend more.

So it just creates this over-consumption, idea that we have to keep spending more

and more and more, and I don't like that.

Bachelorette trips.

I just talked about this.

I think they're great, but what needs to happen is the, we need to take

away is making people feel like they have to say yes is an optional thing.

Bachelorette trips are not mandatory.

They are optional.

and it's gonna depend for the type of women you're inviting and the type of

people you're inviting and the group.

If it's like a couple people don't know the others, it's not gonna work as well.

I've gone to a couple where we're all best friends.

We've all known each other for years and it's just a fun girls

trip, so to me that was worth it.

But if I'm invited to one where like I don't know anybody else,

I'm probably gonna say no.

I'm like, "I'm not gonna spend the money." I was invited to one years ago that

was in another country and I was like, "No, I'd rather go there with my…"

Then it was my boyfriend, but now husband.

So I think it's fine.

It's up to the bride.

They can host or invite you to anything, but you just don't have

to say yes bridesmaid requirements.

where should the deadline be?

Honestly, I think the only things that should be required is being there on

the wedding day and wearing the dress you were told to wear, or purchase,

or that you were gifted, right?

I think that's what should be required.

People are busy.

Like I said recently in a video, people's lives move on.

if you really care about them truly and you just want them as a bridesmaid because

you guys have been there for each other, I really think the only requirement

should be being there at the wedding day.

Now, I'm not saying be there at the wedding day and just stand there like

you're so bored, you hate being there.

Be excited.

Be a part of it.

see where you can lend a helpful hand.

But to go to four different things like fly to a bachelorette party and, spend

money at a bridal shower, those are all great, but I hate the word requirement.

chances are, if you have mutual respect for each other, you love

and support each other, they will want to come to your things.

But if someone cannot afford it, or they can't take off work, or

they have other obligations, let's just learn to say, " That's great.

No problem.

We get it." okay.

We're kinda getting into marriage territory.

Sharing phone passwords, yeah, I don't see the problem with it.

my husband and I have, like, know each other's passwords for everything, but

it's like, just kinda like, "Oh, it's there." Like, it's not like, "Ugh,

I need to know your password." I'm not, like, on his phone scrolling.

I have my own phone.

But I don't see the problem with it.

joint bank accounts.

I think, I remember hearing years ago, it's like you should have,

like, one joint one that you use for like bills and stuff that you pay

together, but then have your own money.

I talk about this so many times, I think it's so important to have

financial freedom, and I think people in relationships should have their own bank

accounts and then one that's joint that's for, like, bills and stuff like that.

it's good to have your own independence when it comes to finances.

okay.

Separate bedrooms.

Couldn't be me, but I know a lot of people do it, and it works for them.

we've never had an issue.

I know a lot of people do, like, the sleep divorce where they, like, have their own

bedroom or they just, sleep in their own room, and it works for a lot of people.

So I'm not gonna yuck somebody else's yum.

If that works for your relationship, I think that's great.

More power to you.

That's just not me posting your relationship constantly.

It can kinda be a little eh.

it's in the same line as people that post, like things they have all the time, like

money they have and possessions they have.

To constantly post about your relationship and how great your relationship is a

little, like, it's that social media of, highlight reel of, like, we're so perfect.

look at us.

We have everything going for us.

So I think you need to be a little more well-rounded and post other things, too.

That's all staying friends with an ex. I think that's gonna be really individual.

I think for the most part, probably not.

If it's someone that you dated in, like, middle school, and it was, like,

barely dating, and you call them an ex, sure, I don't think it's harmless.

But I think for the most part, if you were dating someone kinda seriously, like,

probably just leave that in the past.

I don't know.

Ultimatums about getting engaged.

I think I talked about that already.

Yeah, I don't think they're good.

I don't think there should ever be an ultimatum when it comes

to getting engaged or married.

I just think that sets your marriage up for a weird hierarchy kind of rule thing.

I don't know.

Setting a marriage timeline, if that means, like, "Okay, we wanna get

married"… Like, if you guys are on the same page, "Yeah, we wanna get married

by this time," I think that's fine.

Talking about marriage before getting engaged, yes, 100%.

That's completely healthy.

Please do that.

you've seen those proposals where, like, you can clearly tell they've

never talked about marriage before, and they're both shocked.

Or the person getting proposed to is shocked, and it's just like,

you never decided to talk about it?

So yeah, I think setting up a marriage timeline is perfectly fine.

but also realizing that things can change or, other priorities might happen first,

or life can change, and that's okay, too.

' Cause I know a lot of people when I was younger, they'd be like, "I wanna be

married by, like, 28," and then 29 came, then 30, and it's like, guys, it's okay.

it's okay to get married by the time you're 30.

It's fine, and many years after.

picking out your engagement ring together.

Absolutely.

I think that's totally fine.

I think it's a great way moving forward of, like, chatting about what you like

because you hear these stories where someone gets proposed to and they

look at the ring and they're like,

I don't wear silver.

I don't like heart-shaped jewelry." You know, whatever that is, they, like,

never talked about it, or he, like, went with, his mom or something, and

the mom's like, "Oh, this looks good," and then they never talked about it.

So yes, it's better safe than sorry.

Talk about what you guys want.

Make sure you're on the same page when it comes to getting married

if that's something you want and everything down the line.

Okay.

We're gonna do a little wedding dilemma now.

this one we actually shared in my email list, a couple weeks back.

If you're not on my email list, be sure to join it.

We share wedding dilemmas, exclusive stories, stories from the vault I

like to call them, and then links to all of our recent stuff, too.

So if you're ever like, "I don't know where that is," or, "Did they ever

share this?" All the recent stuff is in there, so you guys can sign up for my

email list in the show notes as well.

If you wanna send in a wedding dilemma, you can email us, hello@christainnis.com,

or you can DM me on Instagram

Okay, this says: My family is huge, and right now they make

up almost 70% of our guest list.

My fiancé has a much smaller family, but he wants to invite

several of his coworkers, most of whom I've never even met.

We're already over budget, so if we add his coworkers, I have

to start cutting some of my own family members from the guest list.

I feel awful about cutting family members I actually know and am close

to just to make room for his coworkers.

Is it fair for me to feel this way?

Okay, this is a very complicated, answer that I'm gonna have, but I have

a lot of questions to follow up, and maybe if you're listening, you can

give me some more, feedback on this.

Okay.

so my first question would be does he know all of your family members?

Because if you're inviting aunts, uncles, cousins, second cousins,

nieces, nephews, whatever, and maybe he hasn't met all of them.

How big is your wedding, guest list?

If it's like 300 people and you get 70%, that's a big difference.

I think it should be a little more even.

it would suck to have to cut back on family, but again, it depends

on like how big we're talking here, or how many of these family

members does he know or not know.

Because especially when you have a smaller family, your coworkers or your friends

can feel like family, and if he's worked at this job for a while, he sees them

every day, he hangs out with them outside of work, that's important to him, right?

and so I'm guessing you guys have not… Well, it says you're over budget already.

So I'm wondering at what part of the wedding planning process are you?

Do you guys already have a venue?

' Cause typically you'll list out everyone on your guest list first.

So if this was, like, a last-minute add on his part where he's like, " Okay, I wanna

add these coworkers because we've gotten closer during our engagement," and now you

have to cut them back, that's one thing.

But I'm thinking it's before you even sent out, invitations it's

fair for you to feel this way.

I get it, especially if you come from a big family, you're

used to having everyone around.

But you also need to see it from his perspective.

If he has a small family, again, these coworkers, these friends

could feel like family to him.

They could feel closer to him, and I feel like if you have 70%, it is

a little unfair to expect him to just invite his family and only get

them because his family is smaller.

so again, are we talking you're cutting out second cousins here

that he doesn't know himself, or are we talking about like, you now

have to cut out aunts and uncles?

So I feel like that's where the difference matters is like, okay,

who are we talking about cutting out?

can we somehow get them all invited?

I think we also need to think about who's paying for all of it.

Not saying because your family's paying versus his family or vice

versa, but I feel like we're going into a partnership, so we need to

learn how to work together, list everybody out and say like, "Okay, it's

You get 50% of the people, I get 50% of the people," if we can't

actually come to an agreement.

And then typically, you'll kind of narrow down the list, and then you'll find a

venue based on what can fit in that size.

Now, if you're saying you're over budget already because you're, guessing

like, okay, this venue we're looking at is, let's say, $100 a person, $200

a plate, whatever that looks like, and you're like okay, quickly doing

the math, you're like, "We can't have 200 people, and if we add his

coworkers, we're gonna have 200 people.

That's too many." So I think you guys need to sit down

together, look at the list again.

If he doesn't know your whole family, then I think it's equal.

I think it's equal then if he doesn't know your whole family.

Get rid of the family members that he doesn't know to kind of

even it out a little bit because

I think it's hard when you're like, " Oh, I have a big family,

so they all need to come." Family's thicker than water, you know?

But again, like for him, just because he wasn't born into a big family, I don't

think that should be taken away from him.

So I know your question was, is it fair for me to feel this way?

You can absolutely feel that way, but I feel like before you guys move forward,

you need to get on the same page.

And if he has met all your family,

I don't know.

how many coworkers is he trying to invite here?

' Cause that could be a big difference.

I personally think that everyone, if you're setting up a guest list together,

everyone that you picture on your wedding day should be able to come or

be invited within the budget, right?

Within your own limits.

So, getting on the same page and, just coming to agreement about, what's gonna

make us both happy on this day If we're talking about he wants to invite 20

coworkers and you have to get rid of 20 m- family members to even it out a little

bit better, how can we make it work?

yeah.

I know that's, like, a very, challenging question.

I know there's a lot of issues with that.

But I think it needs to be evened out a little bit, especially

having 70% of the guest list.

All right.

I hope that helps a little bit.

I know it wasn't, a complete answer, ' cause there's so many unknowns, right?

It's just about, like, the wedding size, the family size, how, the relationship

is with each of you guys and the family, ' cause you only mentioned not knowing

his coworkers, not the other way around.

So just think about it from all perspectives.

All right, guys, let me get a drink of water, and we are gonna do this

week's wedding story submission.

here we go.

My husband and I had been dating for about a year before we got engaged.

I'm 25, and this is the story of how I lost my maid of honor because she

decided she wanted my wedding date.

Okay.

I got engaged on October 4th, 2025, and about 20 minutes after putting

the ring on my finger, we had already picked our date, October 2nd, 2027.

Wow.

But truthfully, you can't pick a wedding date until you talk to the venue.

I mean, that's so far in advance you'd probably be fine, but that's very

quick to pick an exact date Okay.

Since our engagement anniversary falls on October 4th, we wanted our

wedding to be as close to that date as possible while still having a weekend

wedding Of course, one of the first people I called was my best friend.

She already knew she would be the maid of honor, and during that same

call, less than an hour after getting engaged, I told her our wedding date

I am so surprised by all of this.

and not to diminish it, they're pretty young, but getting engaged, setting a

date, calling your best friend, saying she's already my maid of honor, and this

is the date we're gonna get married.

This is all before, like, going to a venue, talking to

wedding planners or vendors.

Like, my planner mind is just like, how?

How are they, like, just setting a date already?

Unless they, like, are doing it in, like, their parents' backyard or, they know they

can have it already, I'm just like, how?

How is this happening?

Fast-forward to the summer of 2026, so recent, just happened.

We briefly considered pushing the wedding back one year to October 2nd, 2028.

but it was only a possibility.

Our goal was still very much October 2nd, 2027, and my maid of honor knew that.

Around the same time, she was constantly dealing with relationship problems.

We lived across the country from each other, so we talked

on the phone almost daily.

We shared everything, and I knew just about every issue in her life, most of

them involving her terrible boyfriend.

In July, she even told me that if he proposed, she would say no She

called almost every day to complain about him, at least twice a week.

She'd tell me she was ready to kick him out after another screaming

match or silent treatment.

But honestly, it wasn't just him who hadn't changed.

over the last couple of years, she had become increasingly angry,

judgmental, and condescending.

If you shared something exciting, she'd find a way to tear it down.

If you opened up about your feelings, she'd explain why you

were wrong for feeling that way.

It became a toxic cycle that everyone around her could see.

Whether it was her boyfriend rubbing off on her or she was

simply becoming a different person, I tried to keep an open mind.

I spent countless evenings on the phone with her for hours while she cried,

often ignoring my own fiancé just to be there for her, because that's what you

do for someone you love, and I loved her.

Then at the end of August 2026, she got engaged to that same toxic boyfriend.

Whoa, this is like a brand-new story.

We must have just gotten this.

Okay.

I was genuinely happy for her.

I celebrated with her, showered her with love, and hoped she had found happiness.

We spent hours talking through every detail of the proposal,

and she seemed excited.

Two days later, she called me.

Oh, gosh, I'm so nervous for what's gonna happen.

Mm. Okay.

I'd only been awake for about 45 minutes when she asked, " So, your

wedding date is October 4th, 2027, right?" I laughed a little because we

talked about the date so many times over the past year. " No," I said.

" October 2nd.

We got engaged on the 4th and wanted to keep the dates close."

She immediately got that little frown that she does when she

doesn't like what she's hearing.

Then she told me that she and her fiancé wanted that date because it

was so special to them, and since I was only hoping for 2027, I could

just move my wedding date to 2028.

People are wild.

There are 12 months in the year, between 28 and 31 days, and you have to pick the

exact date that your best friend… What?

Oh my gosh.

I could just move my wedding date to 2028.

After that, we switched to texting.

I explained that while some details were still being figured out, the one

thing that wasn't changing was our date.

I told her I wasn't trying to be selfish, but I had this date planned for almost

a year, and it held meaning for us.

Her response was, " I get why you feel that way, but I don't think having

the same anniversary in different years takes away from either of us.

Our relationships are separate from our friendships, and we picked October 2nd

because it's special to us for our own reasons, just like it's special to you.

I really hope we can both be happy for each other." Okay, so I'm gonna look

back for a second So The friend is saying Her fiancé wanted that date of October

second Because it's special to them

Since I was only hoping… Okay, so the friend wants to get married in

2027 and, then have the O- OP or the person that wrote this in 2028.

Okay, so even weirder.

They're like, "Push yours back a year." Here's the thing.

I never once heard her mention October second as a meaningful

date in their relationship.

As her best friend, I would have known if something held significance.

And if it really had, she had an entire year to tell me after

I announced my wedding date.

Knowing her, that text didn't read as understanding.

It read as, "I'm taking the date. Be happy for me or you're the problem."

I'm not someone who likes conflict.

Honestly, I didn't even know what having a backbone looked

like until I met my fiancé.

He's always been the one to point out when people are taking advantage of

my kindness or walking all over me.

For months, he'd been telling me that my maid of honor had been doing

little things that weren't okay, but I'd always brushed them off.

I found myself asking everyone closest to me, especially him,

if I was wrong for feeling hurt.

Should I just let go and change my date?

After a lot of back and forth with myself, I realized, no, I don't wanna share my

wedding anniversary with the same person who would have absolutely lost her

mind if someone had done this to her.

I don't wanna postpone my wedding if I can make it happen in twenty twenty-seven.

And I think it's strange that she keeps insisting my date was October fourth

when she literally has the custom save the date I made for my bridal

party hanging on her refrigerator.

She sees it all the time.

She could have looked at it before asking me.

It honestly felt like she wanted to take something that was special to us.

My fiancé and I have known each other since we were eight and nine years old.

She has known me since we were fifteen.

She knows everything we've been through and how much this date means to us.

I haven't spoken to her since.

I told her I needed space, and honestly, I don't think I'll be the first one

to reach out There have been so many issues over the last couple of years,

and this was simply the final straw.

I don't have the energy to teach another grown adult how to be kind.

No bride wants someone else taking her wedding date, especially not

her best friend and maid of honor.

I know I don't own the day, but to me it's about respect.

Everyone has known for nearly a year this is the date we were working

toward, but out of everyone in my life, she was the last person I

expected to do something like this.

I'm sorry this was so long, but it honestly feels good to get it all out.

Maybe someone else has felt the same mix of confusion, frustration, sadness,

and even guilt for saying, " No, I'm not okay with this." I know I don't own

a date, but friendship should always come with a certain level of respect.

I would never even think about doing this to her, so why is

it okay when it's done to me?

Not everyone in their twenties is on the same wavelength.

We're still figuring out who we are and growing, and that's okay.

Well, what's not okay is expecting someone else to rearrange their

lives to accommodate when they're not doing the same in return.

Okay, we're getting a lot of, extra introspection.

that might have been a made-up word.

Okay.

Please don't do this to your friends.

Yes, it's just a day, but we all know it isn't.

Your wedding day is special, sacred, and unique.

Telling someone to simply move it because you want the date is

rude and honestly pretty cruel.

in the end, we decided our bridal party will be just our siblings,

and we're still planning on keeping our original date, and honestly,

there's an incredible amount of stress that's been lifted from my shoulders.

I didn't even realize how much emotional weight I've been carrying all this time.

I still love her, but I love my peace, and the future I'm

building with my fiancé even more.

My fiancé's grandfather used to say, "At the end of the day, everyone's gonna

piss you off. The trick is deciding who you let piss you off forever."

I wish I could have met him.

From everything I've heard, he was an incredible man

with a great sense of humor.

losing friends is hard, but having the right partner beside you makes these

losses a lot easier to carry Okay, we got a little lost in the end there.

I appreciate her sending all this.

Um, okay Back to the beginning here.

I don't know.

I've just read a similar story like this on YouTube, and I'm

feeling pulled between the both.

First, I know everyone's different when they get engaged, but you typically don't

need three years to plan out your wedding.

so when did they get engaged?

October 2025, and they're looking to get married October of 2027.

Some venues, sure, you might need a couple years to hold down your date,

The way they're talking though makes it sound like the wedding's not actually

booked yet, ' cause a venue's not gonna be like, "Oh yeah, you can push

it back another year if you want."

Like, usually you're, locked into a contract, so I'm

still not sure about that.

and then when the friend's, like, making these comments and is like, " Oh, well, we

want October so… 2027, so you can push yours back a year," I'm still not entirely

sure why she's in this rocky relationship.

So to me, this reads as very, toxic, yeah, but insecure.

She's had this toxic relationship.

She's on and off with him.

She said, "I'm gonna say no if he proposes." Now they're suddenly engaged.

She's so happy, and she wants your wedding date.

That reads insecurity to me, that seems very odd.

However, this is still two years away, so that's the other thing about why is she

so eager to tell you, "Push your wedding year back a year so I can have it"?

Now, where I don't necessarily agree, well, I don't agree with that person

in general, but, where I don't agree with this person that's writing this

in is Yes, wedding dates can be sacred to you, but a year later if someone

else chooses your wedding date or the week of your wedding, it's not gonna

really have an effect on you, right?

Like, you're not gonna be celebrating your wedding anniversary with your

friend, It's between you and your husband.

so I don't get why people get really hung up on anniversary dates.

It's special to you.

People are gonna have kids on that date.

different things are gonna happen on your wedding day that you can't stop, right?

it's gonna happen.

I get it can be a little annoying if they have the exact same

wedding date, so yes, I get that.

They can pick a different date.

So this whole thing is very odd to me, and I think there's way more to the story.

Where I also get a little lost is when she says, they have this text conversation.

First they're on the phone, and that's when the friend is right away like,

"Oh, you know, I really want that date, so you can push yours back."

And then they start texting, and,

She has to have October 2nd too.

That's so weird to me.

Like, what happened in October?

Why is she so keen on booking this two years in advance?

We don't even know if she has a wedding date set yet, the friend, right?

but what's weird to me is that she just stops talking to her.

So they have this text conversation.

they don't like conflict.

There's back and forth, and then I agree with her saying, "No, I'm

not gonna postpone my wedding." Yeah, like, no, you got engaged.

This was your date.

If your friend wants to get married on that same date, that's on her.

She can have her celebration somewhere else.

You already set this date.

You figured it out.

This is your wedding date.

No, you're not gonna postpone it, of course not.

But I'm so confused, so you haven't talked to her since.

That was it.

So that makes me think that this friendship, has

already been kind of goofy.

There's already been something kinda off, because let me tell you what,

if I got in a little texting thing with one of my best friends and

we went back and forth, I wouldn't just be like, "Well, you know what?

That's it.

Screw her, I'm done." That tells me there has been years and years and years of

you guys either one-upping each other or disagreeing on things or insecurities.

It sounds like you're there for her a lot with her now fiancé.

And I get it, this was just the final straw.

I'm always like, but there was nothing.

There was no big conversation of like, "Hey, this really bothered

me." I don't even know if, did you actually even tell her?

No.

It just says there was a lot of back and forth I would definitely feel hurt if

someone told me to push my wedding back.

Absolutely.

Like, no, I'm not gonna push my wedding back.

this is the date I chose, and I told you it.

It sounds like you printed out save the dates, you have the date figured out.

so that's a really weird thing of her to do

I feel like there's a lot missing from this story though.

there's a lot of gaps in here.

I don't know, I couldn't imagine just not talking to my best friend

after, like, one little disagreement.

I'm not saying that's little.

I don't think it's a little disagreement, but this is one thing, right?

So I feel like a lot of things have happened over the years, and this was

your moment to just be like, "I'm done." And weddings have a way of doing that.

We kind of realize who's there for us and who's not, while that would

definitely rub me the wrong way, I feel like I would need some final word of

being like, "Why are you doing this?

You told me a month ago that you don't even wanna get married to him, and now

you're trying to take the exact wedding date and pushing mine back So I don't know

if she's still invited to your wedding.

You haven't talked to her, so I don't know.

But just keep doing what you're doing.

Keep it planned as normal.

She'll either come around or she won't, and then you'll obviously realize.

I think her true colors are coming out.

I think she's probably a little insecure, a little jealous that you guys are

engaged, you have a wedding date, you're kind of moving forward with everything.

And that was a shitty thing to do of her to be like, "Hey, by the way, we

want that exact wedding date even though we're kinda on and off, we're kinda

iffy." so yeah, I hope I didn't come off that I wasn't, like, on your side.

I'm on your side.

There's just a lot of things here that I'm like, "Oh, I need to know, understand

what's going on And it reads kind of like I don't wanna say juvenile, but it's

kinda like this, idea of a wedding almost. Like with the friend, it's like she just

got engaged almost catch up with you. she's like, "Oh, she just got engaged.

She's planning her wedding, so let's get engaged, and I need her

wedding date." that is so weird.

That's not a good friend.

That's not someone I would want around.

But I think where my unsatisfaction is that there was no final conversation

of telling her like, "This is wrong.

This is not okay So I feel like this story just came in.

If they just got engaged the end of August, so we're talking 11 days

ago as I'm recording this, right?

So to me that's another thing.

Like, most people don't get engaged and then right away come up with a date, and

then right away tell everybody that date.

Typically, they might be like, "Oh, you know, we wanna get engaged," or,

"We wanna get married, like, next fall or next spring." You look at venues.

You see what's available.

You see how many people are gonna maybe come, like, get a guest list going.

" What venue can we fit at?" And then they tell you, like, the dates

available, and then you pick a date.

Then you tell family and friends.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, it just seems very, like, backwards of, like, did something happen on this

date that they both are trying to claim?

Like, why this date, and why is it so important?

like I said, I just did a YouTube video where, I can't remember

if they were sisters or friends.

But it was something where someone had her wedding her wedding day, and

then the sister announced after that wedding She was gonna get married

the following year, basically a day before the year anniversary.

and the girl that wrote it in was mad about that, that it was, like,

the first anniversary weekend, even though it wasn't the exact day.

And I was like, You can't own a day.

Like, you can't.

People are gonna get married the same year.

Kids' birthdays are gonna fall on your anniversary and your birthday, and you

kinda just have to figure out when you get older, okay, like, are we gonna

celebrate it on our actual anniversary or birthday or the following weekend?

I mean, I don't know.

Maybe I'm just not a sentimental person that way.

Also, like, my daughter's birthday is, like, really close to, my

anniversary, and we have, like, so many birthdays are on the same time.

Like, best friends' kids' birthdays are right around, like, my

anniversary and daughter's birthday.

So

To me, I'm just like, We'll find a time to celebrate.

It's fine.

I don't care.

So maybe I'm not sentimental about that kind of thing.

yeah, and at the end of the day, it's a date Oh, guys.

Okay.

Share your guys' advice on your own for this person, what you think.

I just feel like there's a lot missing.

You're losing a friend now.

Friendship over.

It was a weird thing for her to ask, but I'm so thrown off by it.

She had to have done something similar like this before, that I'm wondering

why she was around for so long.

But I get it, we hold onto friendships because they have longevity,

and we think that adds value, but it doesn't always add value.

All right, guys.

I know I was all over the place.

How we feeling?

All right.

Let's end with our confessions of the week.

What's a lesson you learned the hard way?

This person says, Some friendships matter only when it suits them." Oh,

yeah, 100%. I've seen many of those. " Once a cheater, always a cheater."

Yeah, I think that's pretty true for the most part.

" You don't have to stay friends with people who make you feel

bad about yourself." Yes.

You have every right to say no to a friendship, to end

a friendship at any time.

And I think it's kind of like the famous quote, I'm gonna butcher who said it.

Hold on

Okay, it's a quote by Maya Angelou.

" I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you

did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." And I've said that so

many times lately because sometimes you can't pinpoint what a person did to you,

but you're like, "I always feel on edge around them," or, "I always feel like I

did something wrong," or, "I always feel like I have to, like, defend myself,"

or, "I always feel like I'm not good enough around certain people," right?

There's just some examples.

And I'll be like, " But what was the, exact moment?" And I'll

be like, "I can't think of it.

But every time I'm around that person, this is how I feel." And

then you have to limit that time.

and you don't have to stay friends with that person.

I think when we're younger, when we are, like, people pleasers, we're like,

"Okay, I'm gonna do, whatever I can to get people to like me." And then when

you get older, you're like, " I don't have to be friends with that person

just because, like, so and so is friends with them." You just don't have to.

If your in-laws don't like you from day one or for no reason, it

will never change or get better.

yeah, I haven't learned that through personal experience.

I have a great relationship with my in-laws.

But from all these stories I've read, it doesn't change.

If they are rude or cold to you day one, they will be rude

and cold to you from day 300.

that's just how it is unfortunately.

don't ever let a man control the way you react.

Yeah, girl.

don't ignore red flags or your gut.

I always say your gut's there for a reason, you know.

Oh, this person said, Trust your gut always.

She told me I'm not that close friends with her, than my other friend.

Sometimes it's better to make the choice for them if they can't fully choose you.

Yeah, I get that.

Loyalty to a job or company isn't valued and will not protect you.

Yeah, it's unfortunate, but that's very true.

Okay, last one.

Don't invite everyone to the hospital room right after giving birth.

Wait a few days.

As someone that had no hospital visitors, I 100% support that.

It's the best when no one's there other than your partner and a doula or a nurse.

Best.

I will talk about that all day.

All right, guys.

Thanks for hanging out with me this week.

it's been a pleasure.

of course, as I mentioned earlier, I will be with Shauna Lander, Shauna the mom,

in Naperville, Illinois, October 11th.

So you can buy your tickets to come to her book signing.

and that'll be a lot of fun.

We're gonna do, like, a little fun discussion.

I'm nervous, but I'm excited.

and then some other thing, fun things coming up.

when I hit a 100,000 followers on YouTube, I'll be doing a big giveaway.

I just did a big Instagram giveaway.

we did $1,000 giveaway.

I'm gonna be doing another really big giveaway for, YouTube, ' cause

that's been a hard one to grow, but it's been a lot of fun.

I'm so close.

I think I'm 1,000 subscribers away.

So if you're not subscribed there yet, please go and subscribe and be on the

lookout for a fun little giveaway.

All right, guys.

Thanks so much for listening, and I will see you next time.

Bye now.