<v Speaker 1>Soft life isn't, I don't work.

<v Speaker 2>The soft life is, my life isn't being dictated by desperation.

<v Speaker 2>There is no world where I dream of working myself

<v Speaker 2>into the ground, but I also do not dream of

<v Speaker 2>waking up with absolutely nothing that excites me besides what

<v Speaker 2>someone else is doing.

<v Speaker 1>Hey babe, it's Aisha Christina.

<v Speaker 2>Nice to meet you.

<v Speaker 1>This is quality queen control.

<v Speaker 2>What?

<v Speaker 1>Is happening. Hello, angels.

<v Speaker 2>Welcome back to another episode of Quality Queen Control. I

<v Speaker 2>am your host, Asha Christina. How is everyone feeling on today?

<v Speaker 2>So first of all, new hair. We loved and appreciated

<v Speaker 2>the curly, but now it is officially September and it's

<v Speaker 2>time for a new look. Um, and it just didn't

<v Speaker 2>go with the fall, you know, like I love my

<v Speaker 2>curly hair down, but I just really have been itching

<v Speaker 2>for some straight hair and.

<v Speaker 1>To just dye my hair pitch black.

<v Speaker 2>I'm actually going to dye it again because I feel

<v Speaker 2>like it's not dark enough, but yeah, it was just

<v Speaker 2>time to switch.

<v Speaker 1>Up the look and I'm absolutely loving it. Okay. We're

<v Speaker 1>in a new color. We're in something other than red.

<v Speaker 2>So that's a good thing. I'm in a blue shirt

<v Speaker 2>and I absolutely love it. It's such a nice cozy

<v Speaker 2>little sweater. I don't know about you guys, but I'm

<v Speaker 2>absolutely so ready for the fall to be upon us.

<v Speaker 1>The outfits are cuter.

<v Speaker 2>Yes, you have to carry more things on you with

<v Speaker 2>the jackets and all the different things, but fall is

<v Speaker 2>just the best because it's a little warm and cozy,

<v Speaker 2>but at the same time, it's not too freezing, right?

<v Speaker 2>But you have cuter outfits, in my opinion. It's just

<v Speaker 2>what makes the summer fun is the fact that you

<v Speaker 2>can carry less with you and, of course, wear less.

<v Speaker 2>So you're just walking around a lot lighter. Anywho, today's

<v Speaker 2>topic is really, really important. So one thing that I

<v Speaker 2>want you all to consider is.

<v Speaker 2>How do you define what the soft life actually is?

<v Speaker 2>Because somewhere along the way, the soft life went from,

<v Speaker 2>I don't wanna live in survival mode to a woman

<v Speaker 2>should not do absolutely anything. And I actually think that

<v Speaker 2>we've lost the plot because if somebody tells you that

<v Speaker 2>you have to be a career woman, that's not freedom.

<v Speaker 2>But if somebody tells you that you shouldn't work, and

<v Speaker 2>your only aspiration should be to be taken care of,

<v Speaker 2>that's not necessarily freedom either, right? Hear me out before

<v Speaker 2>you guys log off. The soft life to me essentially

<v Speaker 2>is about having options because like I just said, you

<v Speaker 2>don't want someone that's gonna tell you, I don't want

<v Speaker 2>you working at all because then after a while, it's

<v Speaker 2>human psychology. We get used to things, whatever. You're on

<v Speaker 2>the Starbucks line and you're texting your man telling him

<v Speaker 2>he needs to load up your accounts so that you

<v Speaker 2>can go buy a $ 7. 62 coffee, okay? You don't want

<v Speaker 2>that to be you. You don't wanna be in the

<v Speaker 2>line at HomeGoods and you're, frustrated and irritated and have

<v Speaker 2>an attitude because you didn't get your monthly allowance.

<v Speaker 1>And now you want to go to Whole Foods.

<v Speaker 2>He's in a business meeting and you're interrupting his business

<v Speaker 2>meeting because you have $ 0 to your name in your account.

<v Speaker 2>I'm really keeping it a buck here. And I think

<v Speaker 2>we need to have this balance on the internet because

<v Speaker 2>it's rooted in reality. A lot of the trad wife content,

<v Speaker 2>even we've seen women come from that trad life lifestyle.

<v Speaker 2>And I'm not shattering it and saying it's bad. That's

<v Speaker 2>not what I'm getting at here. But what I'm trying

<v Speaker 2>to identify and help you all to identify is what

<v Speaker 2>is it actually that you want? What the soft life

<v Speaker 2>actually really does mean. When you watch the shows, Real

<v Speaker 2>Housewives of whatever, right?

<v Speaker 1>Those women are working.

<v Speaker 2>Yes, they married well. But make no mistake, those women

<v Speaker 2>are working. When you see women on the internet, even

<v Speaker 2>including myself, we are working. Doesn't mean that we don't

<v Speaker 2>want to be with a man that's a provider.

<v Speaker 1>Like they don't, they don't exclude each other out. Do

<v Speaker 1>you understand what it is that I'm saying?

<v Speaker 2>So essentially I realized, and I was able to identify

<v Speaker 2>that the soft life is all about having options.

<v Speaker 1>Okay.

<v Speaker 2>It is not the absence of responsibility. It is the

<v Speaker 2>absence of being trapped. That's exactly what a soft life is.

<v Speaker 2>You don't wanna catch yourself on the wrong side of.

<v Speaker 1>History, okay?

<v Speaker 2>Where you are with a guy, he's taking care of you,

<v Speaker 2>all the different things, but we all know that nothing

<v Speaker 2>is ever really what it seems. And next thing you know,

<v Speaker 2>this guy's mistreating you, he's being abusive to you. The

<v Speaker 2>power imbalance is very, very prevalent here in these types

<v Speaker 2>of dynamics where you gotta put up and shut up because,

<v Speaker 2>You can't afford to be anywhere on your own now,

<v Speaker 2>and you cannot afford to take care of yourself. And

<v Speaker 2>this is why as woman, I'm just saying, and again,

<v Speaker 2>I am not a feminist. I am not saying that.

<v Speaker 2>I'm just here to bring and restore the balance to

<v Speaker 2>our brains on the internet here.

<v Speaker 1>Okay.

<v Speaker 2>Because let's identify this right here.

<v Speaker 1>Softness is not helplessness. All right.

<v Speaker 2>Softness has somehow become synonymous with passivity, all right? That

<v Speaker 2>is not what it is whatsoever, okay? You can still

<v Speaker 2>be soft and allow your man to lead in a relationship,

<v Speaker 2>but also still have your own corner where you're making

<v Speaker 2>decisions and your decisions are being respected and you're being heard. Like,

<v Speaker 2>it doesn't have to be one or the other, okay?

<v Speaker 2>Having ambition doesn't automatically make a woman masculine. We all

<v Speaker 2>have masculine and feminine issues. energy in us. So we

<v Speaker 2>operate in those energies in different areas. So of course,

<v Speaker 2>when you are working in your business, you're going to

<v Speaker 2>turn on more of that masculine hat, but that doesn't

<v Speaker 2>define you in totality as a masculine woman. Earning money

<v Speaker 2>doesn't automatically mean that you're in survival mode either, okay?

<v Speaker 2>Because when you have earned money for yourself and you

<v Speaker 2>do earn money for yourself, it creates a balance in

<v Speaker 2>your relationship where you're no longer just choosing people out

<v Speaker 2>of a state of survival mode, right? Where you're thinking,

<v Speaker 2>oh my gosh, I can't pay for this by myself.

<v Speaker 2>So I have to be with this guy. What does

<v Speaker 2>life look like if you were to make a decision

<v Speaker 2>based on having that financial security? Because I'm telling you,

<v Speaker 2>a lot of the times we as women tend to

<v Speaker 2>make decisions based off of that. That's just the cold,

<v Speaker 2>hard truth. But if you're super ambitious and you have

<v Speaker 2>something going for yourself, I'm not saying you got to

<v Speaker 2>be a millionaire before you meet the guy. That's not

<v Speaker 2>what I'm saying, but you just have something going for yourself.

<v Speaker 1>Okay.

<v Speaker 2>And this is also what the soft life brings. Not

<v Speaker 2>only does it bring options, but it brings options in

<v Speaker 2>your purpose.

<v Speaker 1>Okay.

<v Speaker 2>Those women that are filming on these shows, they elected

<v Speaker 2>to be on those shows. They want to be on

<v Speaker 2>those shows. It's fun for them to be filmed. They

<v Speaker 2>get a platform.

<v Speaker 1>Okay. They get to make some money. That's what the

<v Speaker 1>soft life to me is.

<v Speaker 2>Like I said, it is not being trapped by eliminating

<v Speaker 2>all options, okay? It is having the option to do

<v Speaker 2>whatever you want in your purpose. That is a soft life.

<v Speaker 2>And being provided for, it doesn't automatically mean that you've

<v Speaker 2>achieved softness because like I said, every dynamic is different

<v Speaker 2>where you don't know what that dynamic is going to

<v Speaker 2>be like when you're with a certain guy and now

<v Speaker 2>you're being mistreated, you're being taken advantage of. Like I said,

<v Speaker 2>you got to put up and shut up because he

<v Speaker 2>is the one providing for you.

<v Speaker 1>You're doing all of this in the.

<v Speaker 2>Name of being a mother or trying to have the

<v Speaker 2>look and aesthetic of having the perfect family, but it's

<v Speaker 2>not really what you want. I saw a video that

<v Speaker 2>I really did like by Brittany Bowen, I believe her

<v Speaker 2>name is. And she talks about helping women achieve financial

<v Speaker 2>independence through investing and educating women on things like that.

<v Speaker 2>And she was saying that 95% of women, as she

<v Speaker 2>has discovered, that are financially independent are oftentimes single because

<v Speaker 2>a lot of men are intimidated by the fact that

<v Speaker 2>they kind of don't need them in that aspect, right?

<v Speaker 1>And so she brought up a valid point.

<v Speaker 2>Men don't want to feel used for having money, but

<v Speaker 2>they also are intimidated by the woman who are financially independent.

<v Speaker 2>So oftentimes you'll find yourself wanting to shrink so that

<v Speaker 2>you don't come across as not needing a man or

<v Speaker 2>whatever the case is. And it sends a confusing message

<v Speaker 2>because it's like, men, what is it that you guys

<v Speaker 2>actually want, right? That's honestly, it's food for thought. But

<v Speaker 2>a woman can be cared for and still have something

<v Speaker 2>that belongs to her, right? There's a huge difference between

<v Speaker 2>I don't, I don't have to work and I'm not.

<v Speaker 1>Capable of supporting myself.

<v Speaker 2>Let's just let, can we just call a spade a spade, right?

<v Speaker 2>Dependency and softness are not synonyms. Dependency and softness are

<v Speaker 2>not synonyms.

<v Speaker 1>I'm telling you.

<v Speaker 2>Guys, somebody has to wake you guys up and shake

<v Speaker 2>you guys up to realize what it is that you

<v Speaker 2>actually want. Because at the end of the day, yes,

<v Speaker 2>it feels good. You don't have to worry about paying

<v Speaker 2>this bill or that bill or whatever.

<v Speaker 1>And I'm not saying you should have to.

<v Speaker 2>What I am saying is that after a while in

<v Speaker 2>your lifestyle, you're going to be bored. Let's look at

<v Speaker 2>this example. Lisa from Real Housewives of Miami. Lenny would

<v Speaker 2>always kind of make jabs at her of, okay, well, like,

<v Speaker 2>what do you even do? So first I'm assuming, I'm

<v Speaker 2>making an assumption. He wanted the Barbie trophy wife sort

<v Speaker 2>of life. And he wanted her to give him a

<v Speaker 2>kid and they live happily ever after, apparently. But then

<v Speaker 2>you would see that he would make jabs at her.

<v Speaker 2>I mean, what do you even do?

<v Speaker 1>Like, what do you do?

<v Speaker 2>And she was kind of, especially in the beginning seasons,

<v Speaker 2>aimlessly walking around and wanting to spend a lot of

<v Speaker 2>time with her friends and all the different things because

<v Speaker 2>she had nothing else going for herself. She didn't have

<v Speaker 2>to pay a bill. She She had no purpose. That's

<v Speaker 2>what this is supposed to highlight. The purpose is what

<v Speaker 2>this is meant to highlight. Having a soft life also

<v Speaker 2>means having purpose. And when you have a life that

<v Speaker 2>is fully funded for yourself, which again, I say this emphatically,

<v Speaker 2>is not a problem. But having something for yourself that

<v Speaker 2>also not only brings purpose, but it also brings a

<v Speaker 2>little bit of income to yourself just so you could

<v Speaker 2>go to Starbucks on your own. You could go to

<v Speaker 2>home goods on your own. You can even pay for

<v Speaker 2>your own hair if you wanted to. You can afford

<v Speaker 2>your own nails if you wanted to. You could buy

<v Speaker 2>a couple pair of shoes, you know, if you wanted

<v Speaker 2>to emphasis on if, because like I said, options.

<v Speaker 1>And I want to make an important distinction.

<v Speaker 2>You're, you know, I'm not saying that every woman needs

<v Speaker 2>to climb the corporate ladder here at all, actually, but

<v Speaker 2>your something might be a business. It could be ministry.

<v Speaker 1>It could be art. It could be writing. It could

<v Speaker 1>be content.

<v Speaker 2>It could be consulting, volunteering, designing, teaching a passion project,

<v Speaker 2>whatever gives you a purpose outside of simply surviving.

<v Speaker 1>All right.

<v Speaker 2>Like I said, being ambitious does not make.

<v Speaker 1>A woman masculine. All right.

<v Speaker 2>And we can do a whole other episode on that

<v Speaker 2>within itself. So you should, you should never have to

<v Speaker 2>say to yourself, you know, well, actually, no, ask yourself

<v Speaker 2>this question.

<v Speaker 1>What sounds softer?

<v Speaker 2>I can't leave this job because I'll be homeless. Or,

<v Speaker 2>I can't leave this relationship because I have no money.

<v Speaker 2>Or I can't pursue something I love because every decision

<v Speaker 2>I make is about survival. None of those are soft.

<v Speaker 1>None of them. The ultimate privilege is being able.

<v Speaker 2>To say, I can work. I can stay home. I

<v Speaker 2>can build something. I can scale back. I can take

<v Speaker 2>maternity leave. I can change careers. I can leave my

<v Speaker 2>relationship that isn't healthy. I can pursue something simply because

<v Speaker 2>I love it and I have the luxury and the

<v Speaker 2>cushion to do so.

<v Speaker 1>So the soft life isn't, I don't work.

<v Speaker 2>The soft life is my life isn't being dictated by desperation.

<v Speaker 1>That's what a soft life is. Uh-huh. All right.

<v Speaker 2>Because ultimately the soft life is about having enough options

<v Speaker 2>so that you don't have to make a decision out

<v Speaker 2>of desperation, like I said. Now there's something that we

<v Speaker 2>as women should be passionate about. And this is where

<v Speaker 2>You know, we have to take into consideration the, you know,

<v Speaker 2>the nuances of the standard of the boss babe versus

<v Speaker 2>the stay at home wife debate. There's something beautiful that

<v Speaker 2>having a pursuit that stimulates you brings, right? It isn't

<v Speaker 2>necessarily to make you rich if you don't want it to.

<v Speaker 2>And it doesn't mean you have to become a fortune

<v Speaker 2>500 company. It doesn't even necessarily have to be monetized.

<v Speaker 2>But you, you know, I believe that as women, we

<v Speaker 2>benefit from having purpose and curiosity and skills and interests

<v Speaker 2>of our own. So no, there is no world where

<v Speaker 2>I dream of working myself into the ground.

<v Speaker 1>But I also do not dream of.

<v Speaker 2>Waking up with absolutely nothing that excites me besides what

<v Speaker 2>someone else is doing, which is why I also believe

<v Speaker 2>the whole concept of the Real Housewives shows even exists

<v Speaker 2>because it's showcasing the lives of these women. But at

<v Speaker 2>the same time, it also is giving them a sense

<v Speaker 2>of purpose to kind of showcase their life and also

<v Speaker 2>give them ideas of, wait a second, I think I'm

<v Speaker 2>onto something here where I'm building a life and something

<v Speaker 2>different outside of my husband and, or even maybe my kids.

<v Speaker 2>And I have something of my own for once. Remember

<v Speaker 2>what happened with Erika Jayne? She had a great relationship even, right?

<v Speaker 2>She met a guy. She had one son. I believe

<v Speaker 2>he's a cop. She met Tom Girardi as she was

<v Speaker 2>a hostess at an upscale restaurant. He took care of

<v Speaker 2>her for the rest of her life and funded her life.

<v Speaker 2>Thank God she was able to be on the show

<v Speaker 2>to have a little bit of something for herself, but

<v Speaker 2>her life significantly downgraded once Tom got arrested for basically

<v Speaker 2>taking the money from the statute of limitations.

<v Speaker 1>I don't know.

<v Speaker 2>I'm not wording it correctly, but he was basically taking

<v Speaker 2>money that was given to the law firm to... fund

<v Speaker 2>his own lifestyle. And also of course, a part of

<v Speaker 2>his lifestyle is funding Erica's lifestyle. So whether she knew

<v Speaker 2>about it or not, and I don't even know if

<v Speaker 2>she did really, I'm going to keep it about, I

<v Speaker 2>don't think she did. Like the whole ground is ripped

<v Speaker 2>from under you. Now you have to work, you have

<v Speaker 2>to figure out how to make something work. And you

<v Speaker 2>don't want to be the woman that at 50 years old,

<v Speaker 2>it's like, you have no history, no no know-how.

<v Speaker 1>I'm not saying you.

<v Speaker 2>Have to have a crazy extensive job resume, but you

<v Speaker 2>have no hustle in you a little bit to try

<v Speaker 2>and make something for yourself to find purpose. Because your

<v Speaker 2>purpose is not just being someone's wife and being a trophy.

<v Speaker 1>Like that's not a purpose. Come on, like let's dig

<v Speaker 1>in a.

<v Speaker 2>So when you are doing something that you're passionate about,

<v Speaker 2>that makes you feel fulfilled, you're waking up like with

<v Speaker 2>your own plan. That's why, yes, certain men, they are

<v Speaker 2>going to get annoyed when you're calling them out of

<v Speaker 2>a business meeting so he can load up your account

<v Speaker 2>because you can't do anything. You can't leave the house

<v Speaker 2>because you don't have gas money.

<v Speaker 1>Okay.

<v Speaker 2>Those things are a little unfortunate.

<v Speaker 1>Okay. They really are. You have to be able to have,

<v Speaker 1>you know, a passion, like I said.

<v Speaker 2>Passion is going to give you an identity beyond your relationship.

<v Speaker 2>Passion is going to give you confidence. Passion is going

<v Speaker 2>to give you intellectual stimulation. Passion is going to give

<v Speaker 2>you community, right? It's going to give you creativity. It's

<v Speaker 2>going to give you something you can continuously grow in.

<v Speaker 1>And as an added bonus, a financial opportunity.

<v Speaker 2>If you choose to monetize it. Because think about this,

<v Speaker 2>marriage does not erase your individuality, all right? There are

<v Speaker 2>things that you guys should be doing that have nothing

<v Speaker 2>to do with the relationship. I'm actually gonna make a

<v Speaker 2>carousel post about those things, right?

<v Speaker 1>But just to list off a few.

<v Speaker 2>That's having purpose, having friends, interests, financial literacy, a spiritual life, okay?

<v Speaker 2>Personal standards. and something that you're continuously learning, right? But

<v Speaker 2>what we've done as a society is we've replaced one

<v Speaker 2>set of rules with the other. So the older messaging

<v Speaker 2>would look like, well, women need to prove themselves by

<v Speaker 2>having careers and doing everything men can do, right?

<v Speaker 1>That feminist mindset.

<v Speaker 2>And then social media swung the pendulum and now it's, well,

<v Speaker 2>if you're really feminine, then you shouldn't have to work

<v Speaker 2>and a man should provide everything. But why are we

<v Speaker 2>still being handed instructions? Because this is the irony. We're

<v Speaker 2>supposedly supposed to be liberated woman from one box just

<v Speaker 2>to build another prettier box and call it femininity. Okay.

<v Speaker 2>A woman who genuinely loves homemaking is not oppressed. So

<v Speaker 2>cut it out, cut it out with that rhetoric. A

<v Speaker 2>woman who genuinely loves building companies does not necessarily define

<v Speaker 2>her as she's just a masculine woman. And a woman

<v Speaker 2>who wants to work part-time isn't confused or lazy.

<v Speaker 1>Okay?

<v Speaker 2>A woman who wants to raise her children and run

<v Speaker 2>a business is not even, is not necessarily doing too much.

<v Speaker 1>Let woman actually choose what they want to do. That

<v Speaker 1>is the option. That's the luxury.

<v Speaker 2>That's the soft girl is you don't have to, but

<v Speaker 2>you can. And you can start this and say, ah,

<v Speaker 2>not for me. This still coincides with being with a

<v Speaker 2>provider man, because you won't have these choices and these

<v Speaker 2>options if you're not with one Do you see what

<v Speaker 2>I'm saying here? Are you guys picking up what I'm

<v Speaker 2>laying down? So we have, we have to really understand

<v Speaker 2>that being provided for and having your own are not

<v Speaker 2>mutually exclusive. All right. This is where, you know, we

<v Speaker 2>have to really talk with ourselves and say, you know what?

<v Speaker 2>You can desire a generous and successful man. You can

<v Speaker 2>appreciate the provision and the But you can also want

<v Speaker 2>a man who, of course, makes your life easier.

<v Speaker 1>Why wouldn't you?

<v Speaker 2>Why would you be with a man who's making your

<v Speaker 2>life harder? End, because there's an end. Hear me out

<v Speaker 2>when I'm saying that. And have your own money, your interests,

<v Speaker 2>and ambitions.

<v Speaker 1>Hello?

<v Speaker 2>So those desires do not contradict each other. I very

<v Speaker 2>much believe in living like this, okay? I'm always going

<v Speaker 2>to be having my own thing. I work, I do

<v Speaker 2>social media, but that does not preclude the fact that, well,

<v Speaker 2>guess I can't get a provider, man, because I'm just

<v Speaker 2>out here hustling on my own.

<v Speaker 1>No, not at all. Like I said, those desires do

<v Speaker 1>not contradict one another. All right. You know, you, you know,

<v Speaker 1>a lot.

<v Speaker 2>Of the times the pendulum swing looks like I need

<v Speaker 2>a man to finance my existence versus I desire a

<v Speaker 2>relationship where generosity and provision are a part of the dynamic.

<v Speaker 1>Those are two completely different positions.

<v Speaker 2>Please hear me when I say this and having your

<v Speaker 2>own doesn't also mean I don't need a man.

<v Speaker 1>All right.

<v Speaker 2>It can simply mean I'm choosing you because I want you.

<v Speaker 2>not because I'm financially trapped in needing you. And that's

<v Speaker 2>just the truth. When we really boil down to the

<v Speaker 2>core of things, I understand as women, for a lot

<v Speaker 2>of us, it doesn't feel good to have to wake

<v Speaker 2>up every morning and clock in and do this or

<v Speaker 2>whatever the case is.

<v Speaker 1>Totally understand that.

<v Speaker 2>But at the same time, once you get the guy,

<v Speaker 2>use that as an opportunity to create something for yourself.

<v Speaker 2>Don't just be there, you know, and now you're 40

<v Speaker 2>something years old, like in the case of Lisa from

<v Speaker 2>Real Housewives of Miami, and you're trying to figure out

<v Speaker 2>what does life look like for me financially? Because I

<v Speaker 2>haven't been working in like 20 years. So I actually

<v Speaker 2>have nothing to really do. I have nothing to show for,

<v Speaker 2>for myself. I don't know how to do anything. Instead

<v Speaker 2>of utilizing the time that you have and the blessing

<v Speaker 2>and the luxury that you have of being with a provider, man,

<v Speaker 2>to say, you know what, let me start to take

<v Speaker 2>on this hobby.

<v Speaker 1>Ooh, I love crocheting.

<v Speaker 2>Let me start to like sell little crochet bags or

<v Speaker 2>something like that, or have a community or a sense

<v Speaker 2>of purpose of you're taking this class, like you're keeping

<v Speaker 2>yourself also busy so that you're not obsessed with what

<v Speaker 2>your man's doing all day long. That's no way to live, okay?

<v Speaker 2>So an excellent relationship, like I said, is... choosing somebody

<v Speaker 2>because you want them, not because you're technically financially trapped

<v Speaker 2>into needing them. Ask yourself this question, you know, who

<v Speaker 2>would I choose if I had everything that I want?

<v Speaker 2>If I was financially stable in life, would I still

<v Speaker 2>choose this man?

<v Speaker 1>Okay.

<v Speaker 2>So your soft life will change with the season, right? Let's,

<v Speaker 2>let's get extra mature here. Softness at 25 might look

<v Speaker 2>like building. At 32, it could look like delegating. During motherhood,

<v Speaker 2>it could mean stepping away from work. Another season might

<v Speaker 2>mean you're launching something that you're passionate about. Another season

<v Speaker 2>might mean that your husband is carrying everything, even more financially,

<v Speaker 2>and you're just focused on your family. The goal is

<v Speaker 2>not necessarily to construct relationships. one lifestyle and perform it forever.

<v Speaker 1>Okay.

<v Speaker 2>It's creating a life with intent, with enough margin to

<v Speaker 2>respond to whatever season you're in. It's kind of like

<v Speaker 2>how people say, you know, every.

<v Speaker 1>Relationship should be a hundred, a hundred.

<v Speaker 2>Okay. However, at certain times, you're only going to be

<v Speaker 2>able to give X amount of percent. And then your

<v Speaker 2>person's only going to be able to give the other,

<v Speaker 2>he's going to have to pick up the slack for

<v Speaker 2>the percentage that you're not giving. Do you understand what

<v Speaker 2>it is that I'm saying? So balance does not mean

<v Speaker 2>that everything gets the 50% of you every day, but

<v Speaker 2>balance means you have the freedom to adjust like I

<v Speaker 2>just expressed to you.

<v Speaker 1>Well, today I am at, I'm at a 40%. What

<v Speaker 1>could you give me, babe? All right.

<v Speaker 2>So that's just the reality because you cannot shop your

<v Speaker 2>way into a soft life. You know, it's just the truth.

<v Speaker 2>Like soft life aesthetics, right? Pilates, matcha, luxury vacations, flowers,

<v Speaker 2>designer vibes. Spa appointments, pretty apartments, all those things are beautiful, wonderful,

<v Speaker 2>we love them. But you could be drinking matcha in

<v Speaker 2>your aloe while you're internally living in survival mode.

<v Speaker 1>Oh, yes, yes, yes. A lot of you are doing it, okay?

<v Speaker 1>I'm not judging, I'm just saying.

<v Speaker 2>Actual softness might actually be financial stability, boundaries, being able

<v Speaker 2>to rest, healthy relationships, a regulated schedule. Being able to

<v Speaker 2>actually say no and not having to constantly worry about money, right?

<v Speaker 2>Having community around you, having choices, doing meaningful work without

<v Speaker 2>allowing the work.

<v Speaker 1>To consume you. The aesthetic... is.

<v Speaker 2>A byproduct, not the definition. So you cannot buy a

<v Speaker 2>soft life, all right? Because the bigger question then becomes, well,

<v Speaker 2>who funds the soft life? And I really wanna address

<v Speaker 2>this because this is just running rampant, okay, this discourse.

<v Speaker 2>Someone has to create the financial stability that allows the

<v Speaker 2>options to exist.

<v Speaker 1>And these are.

<v Speaker 2>The reality of the options. It could be you, it

<v Speaker 2>could be your husband, it could be both of you.

<v Speaker 2>investment assets, a business, family wealth, don't hate because certain

<v Speaker 2>people grew up differently than you, next question, or some

<v Speaker 2>sort of combination of all of the above. So there's

<v Speaker 2>nothing wrong with wanting a provider, but I don't want

<v Speaker 2>you guys to think that, you know, I just don't

<v Speaker 2>want to think about money at all is a financial

<v Speaker 2>strategy because it's not. If you have, you know, you

<v Speaker 2>can't have softness without financial literacy because that becomes vulnerability.

<v Speaker 2>Softness without financial literacy can become vulnerability. Please, like if

<v Speaker 2>you are an adult in this world, you do understand that.

<v Speaker 1>What you don't know actually can hurt you a lot

<v Speaker 1>of the times, all right? That's just the truth.

<v Speaker 2>And there's just a much smarter conversation that I feel

<v Speaker 2>like we should be having rather than simply saying this.

<v Speaker 2>that this is not something that you are interested in.

<v Speaker 2>You just want to close your eyes and it's handled

<v Speaker 2>all the different things.

<v Speaker 1>We should all have knowledge.

<v Speaker 2>We also remember Teresa Giudice from Real Housewives of New

<v Speaker 2>Jersey and remember that she apparently had no idea what Joe.

<v Speaker 1>Giudice or Giudice was doing. And he was just, you know,

<v Speaker 1>owing all this money.

<v Speaker 2>And in the end, Teresa had to pay the price

<v Speaker 2>for what her husband did and for her not knowing.

<v Speaker 2>And so it's good to stay informed. Yes, we all

<v Speaker 2>want to be able to relax and have the option.

<v Speaker 2>Remember what I said, I hope you were picking up

<v Speaker 2>what I'm laying down in this entire podcast. My version

<v Speaker 2>of a soft life isn't a life where I'm doing

<v Speaker 2>absolutely nothing, purposelessly, all right? It is a life where

<v Speaker 2>I don't have to do everything, all right?

<v Speaker 1>Hear me again.

<v Speaker 2>It's not where I do nothing. It's a life where

<v Speaker 2>I don't have to do everything, because I have choices

<v Speaker 2>and I have options. It is having the option. It's

<v Speaker 2>being loved and supported while I still have an identity.

<v Speaker 2>It is having something that I'm passionate about without allowing

<v Speaker 2>my productivity to determine my worth. It's being able to

<v Speaker 2>work because I want to, and being able to rest

<v Speaker 2>because I want to without everything falling apart. So I'm

<v Speaker 2>not gonna sit here and tell you guys that you

<v Speaker 2>have to work, absolutely not. And I'm also not gonna

<v Speaker 2>tell women that being feminine means that they necessarily shouldn't

<v Speaker 2>work at all. I think the whole point is that

<v Speaker 2>we should have enough agency to decide what the life

<v Speaker 2>we actually want looks like.

<v Speaker 1>The softest life is the one that you actually get

<v Speaker 1>to choose. That is the softest life.

<v Speaker 2>I would love to hear more of you guys' thoughts

<v Speaker 2>about this because I just feel like on the internet,

<v Speaker 2>there is such a huge pendulum swing of.

<v Speaker 1>What the soft life actually means and entails.

<v Speaker 2>When a lot of the information that you guys are

<v Speaker 2>getting are from people that are, you know, on the

<v Speaker 2>internet trying to make a career for themselves on social media,

<v Speaker 2>already have a career for themselves on social media.

<v Speaker 1>Whatever, a lot, a lot of, of, of, of kaflum.

<v Speaker 2>But the whole point is like all these people that

<v Speaker 2>you're watching and you're hearing advice from are technically working.

<v Speaker 2>The people that you're taking advice from are are technically

<v Speaker 2>working while it seems like the message is being told

<v Speaker 2>to you to not work when really what they're actually

<v Speaker 2>saying is that you should have the option to work.

<v Speaker 2>You should have the option to dilly dally on a

<v Speaker 2>random Tuesday at 1.34. You should have the option of

<v Speaker 2>being able to hop on the internet and start posting

<v Speaker 2>your videos and generate income from it You should have

<v Speaker 2>the option to go to Pilates at 1 PM and,

<v Speaker 2>you know, and go, you know, drink.

<v Speaker 1>Matcha with your friends.

<v Speaker 2>But also you have something that you're feeling purpose towards.

<v Speaker 1>You're building towards something purposeful.

<v Speaker 2>Don't lose yourself and your identity in a relationship because

<v Speaker 2>you got the guy that's providing for you. Like I said,

<v Speaker 2>they don't have to cancel each other out. The two

<v Speaker 2>can coexist. And that is what I feel like matters

<v Speaker 2>here on the internet is aside from finding you know,

<v Speaker 2>a provider man and dating men that are providers 100%.

<v Speaker 1>We also need to understand.

<v Speaker 2>The reality of how we need to show up in

<v Speaker 2>relationships as well in order for there to be a balance.

<v Speaker 2>of sorts in a healthy and traditional relationship for the

<v Speaker 2>most part, right? And I say traditional very lightly because

<v Speaker 2>I know that that could be a whole other conversation

<v Speaker 2>within itself, but I'd love to talk about it with you.

<v Speaker 2>Let me know down in the comments below what your

<v Speaker 2>thoughts are on this episode. I would love to hear

<v Speaker 2>your feedback. Make sure that you like this video. Once

<v Speaker 2>you like the video, it should give you the option

<v Speaker 2>to hype the video. Guys, I need you to help

<v Speaker 2>me here. We are on a mission to making sure

<v Speaker 2>that this channel is monetized And I need you guys

<v Speaker 2>to binge this episode, send it to a friend, repost me,

<v Speaker 2>all the different things. I need you guys to be

<v Speaker 2>adding in on this. Teamwork makes the dream work because

<v Speaker 2>we want to get this channel monetized so that we

<v Speaker 2>can grow it even bigger than.

<v Speaker 1>The Asia Christina channel. And that's my goal. I'm putting

<v Speaker 1>all my energy into growing. this channel. And so I

<v Speaker 1>need you guys help and support to do so.

<v Speaker 2>So make sure that you hype the video and that

<v Speaker 2>should become an option once you like the video. With

<v Speaker 2>that being said, do not forget that I love you

<v Speaker 2>and God loves you. I'll speak to you beautiful angels

<v Speaker 2>in my next podcast episode.