<v Speaker 1>Winning Miss New York, to be quite honest, is one

<v Speaker 1>of those moments in my life where I felt like

<v Speaker 1>deep emotion. Like I was just so overwhelmed with joy

<v Speaker 1>and happiness. Truly like the platform was really important to me.

<v Speaker 1>Like what I got to do with it meant more

<v Speaker 1>to me than actually winning Miss USA because of the

<v Speaker 1>impact that I've had on people.

<v Speaker 2>Hey, babe. It's Aisha Christina. Nice to meet you. This

<v Speaker 2>is Quality Queen Control. What is happening? Today, I have

<v Speaker 2>a special guest joining me.

<v Speaker 3>She is a woman whose story is truly about confidence, resilience, ambition,

<v Speaker 3>and becoming secure in who you are beyond the titles

<v Speaker 3>and accomplishments. Andrea Jabow was born in Cape Verde and

<v Speaker 3>immigrated to the United States at just seven years old.

<v Speaker 3>She went from navigating a new country, a new language,

<v Speaker 3>and trying to find her sense of belonging to eventually

<v Speaker 3>stepping on to some of the biggest pageant stages in

<v Speaker 3>the world. She has held titles of Miss Teen United.

<v Speaker 2>States, Miss Earth United.

<v Speaker 3>States, and Miss New York USA 2020 and went on

<v Speaker 3>to place in the top 10 at Miss USA 2020.

<v Speaker 3>But what I love about Andrea's story is that the

<v Speaker 3>crown was never the end of it. She's continued to

<v Speaker 3>build a career in media, entertainment, hosting, acting, and content creation.

<v Speaker 3>And today we're getting to know the woman behind all

<v Speaker 3>of those accomplishments. We're talking about confidence, identity, beauty, rejection, success,

<v Speaker 3>and relationships. What happens when the crown comes off and

<v Speaker 3>who you become when you stop defining yourself by what

<v Speaker 3>you've achieved. And she told me she's an open book, angels.

<v Speaker 3>So you already know we're going there. Please welcome to

<v Speaker 3>Quality Queen Control, the beautiful Andrea Jabow.

<v Speaker 2>So I am.

<v Speaker 3>Particularly very excited about this podcast episode. And no, I

<v Speaker 3>do not say this every episode because we don't always

<v Speaker 3>have a guest as special as none other than Miss

<v Speaker 3>Andrea Jabow.

<v Speaker 2>Jabow-bow. Jabow-bow-bow-bow.

<v Speaker 3>And I honestly, but I want her to explain, like,

<v Speaker 3>I mean, I feel like she wears so many hats.

<v Speaker 2>Like, Andrea, please just impress us with Who you are.

<v Speaker 2>Miss who? Miss who? Former Miss New York USA. Insane.

<v Speaker 2>Did you hear that? And we are currently in New York. Okay.

<v Speaker 3>I actually had the pleasure of meeting Andrea at an event,

<v Speaker 3>an influencer.

<v Speaker 2>Was that an influencer event, I feel like? For you,

<v Speaker 2>but for me, it was work.

<v Speaker 3>We are so happy to have you here on the show.

<v Speaker 3>I know that her and I could just yap on

<v Speaker 3>like forever and ever, but I want to just start

<v Speaker 3>obviously with your early life and your background.

<v Speaker 2>So you are Cape Verdean. I need you to explain

<v Speaker 2>to us. What exactly that is. Educate us. OK, let

<v Speaker 2>me educate you guys.

<v Speaker 1>So Cape Verde is a group of 10 islands. It's

<v Speaker 1>on the west coast of Africa. So Cape Verde is

<v Speaker 1>actually part of the Atlantic slave trade. So that's basically

<v Speaker 1>it was like open land. So people would well, not people,

<v Speaker 1>but they would buy and sell slaves and trade slaves

<v Speaker 1>on Cape Verdean land. And that's where the ships would

<v Speaker 1>leave from, you know, to come to the United States

<v Speaker 1>and wherever else they were going. And it's just so

<v Speaker 1>terrible and traumatic to kind of say, but it's the history,

<v Speaker 1>it's the truth. But slave masters would have sex with

<v Speaker 1>the slaves and that's how our population came to be.

<v Speaker 1>So Caverdeans are a mixture of people. So depending on

<v Speaker 1>the island that you're from, people look very different.

<v Speaker 2>They have different dialects, but yeah, we're very small and mighty.

<v Speaker 1>Now more people know about K-Bird because of the World Cup.

<v Speaker 1>So now I don't have to explain myself as much

<v Speaker 1>as I used to.

<v Speaker 2>But yeah, I love where I come from. That is amazing.

<v Speaker 2>And I'm not going to lie, like I told you

<v Speaker 2>off camera, when I saw, I was like, wow, like,

<v Speaker 2>what is she? Like, I just saw beautiful. That's all

<v Speaker 2>I saw.

<v Speaker 3>I was like, okay, she's honestly stunning. So I know

<v Speaker 3>that you also moved to the United States at seven,

<v Speaker 3>I believe. And I know that confidence is a huge theme,

<v Speaker 3>like in your life. And you had to adjust to

<v Speaker 3>a new country and style, things like that.

<v Speaker 2>Well, country and culture, I would say. So you speak

<v Speaker 2>four languages. Yes. What are those languages? So in Cape Verde, we,

<v Speaker 2>our official language is Portuguese. Okay.

<v Speaker 1>And so I grew up speaking Portuguese in school and

<v Speaker 1>then like reading in Portuguese, but then we also speak

<v Speaker 1>an off dialect called Cape Verde in Creole. That's more

<v Speaker 1>of like, you know, local language. When I moved to

<v Speaker 1>the United States at seven, I didn't understand English. And

<v Speaker 1>the closest thing to Portuguese was Spanish. So I would

<v Speaker 1>watch a ton of Spanish soap operas. And like there

<v Speaker 1>was like the show on, I think it was like

<v Speaker 1>Telemundo or something. It's called Sabado Gigante con Don Francisco.

<v Speaker 1>So I literally would watch all of the, that's all

<v Speaker 1>I would watch. And that is literally how I learned

<v Speaker 1>how to speak Spanish. And obviously I had Spanish classes

<v Speaker 1>in high school. But yeah, so I learned Spanish before

<v Speaker 1>I learned English. And then I became fluent in English

<v Speaker 1>when I would say I was like around like 11

<v Speaker 1>years old was.

<v Speaker 2>When I became like fluent, fluent in English.

<v Speaker 1>And I had no ASL bilingual classes anymore. I was

<v Speaker 1>in the classes with all the other American kids at

<v Speaker 1>like 11, 12 years old. Yeah.

<v Speaker 3>No, wait, that is so fascinating because every time like

<v Speaker 3>on the occasion where I would meet someone where English

<v Speaker 3>is not their native language.

<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

<v Speaker 3>I feel like everyone says the same thing. I watched

<v Speaker 3>TV shows and I learned.

<v Speaker 2>Quickest way to learn. I still can't though. So what's

<v Speaker 2>my issue?

<v Speaker 3>Because I will watch shows in Spanish with the English

<v Speaker 3>subtitles and I'm still suffering.

<v Speaker 2>Like it's not clicking.

<v Speaker 3>And I also took Spanish in high school, middle school,

<v Speaker 3>all the things.

<v Speaker 2>So obviously I'm like un poquito, right? Yo van a

<v Speaker 2>español un poquito.

<v Speaker 3>However, I still feel like I haven't grasped it. If

<v Speaker 3>it's spoken a little too fast, I all of a

<v Speaker 3>sudden can't figure it out. So I will say, like,

<v Speaker 3>it is very impressive that you were able to do that.

<v Speaker 2>And you have no accent. Well, okay.

<v Speaker 1>So to answer kind of your first question, it's because

<v Speaker 1>you're older. And I say that as someone who's trying

<v Speaker 1>to learn how to speak French. Yeah. You would never

<v Speaker 1>know that I know how to speak other languages because

<v Speaker 1>I've been trying to learn how to speak French for,

<v Speaker 1>I think, three years of my life.

<v Speaker 2>And I have gotten nowhere. I just know oui and merci.

<v Speaker 1>And that is literally it. It's because when you're younger,

<v Speaker 1>you absorb things quicker. You learn things much easier.

<v Speaker 2>Um, so yeah, so me learning, you know, four languages

<v Speaker 2>when I was younger, like that was nothing. Now it's much, much, much,

<v Speaker 2>much different.

<v Speaker 1>But also with the not having an accent, um, I mean,

<v Speaker 1>we'll kind of get into it, but coming to the

<v Speaker 1>United States, like it was.

<v Speaker 2>Such a culture shock for me.

<v Speaker 1>Every part of who I felt that I was and

<v Speaker 1>everything that I felt like I was interested, like I

<v Speaker 1>just felt like such an outsider. And I was bullied

<v Speaker 1>a lot. I didn't have any friends. So especially as

<v Speaker 1>a kid, like naturally, like you just want to feel

<v Speaker 1>like you belong. You want to feel like you don't

<v Speaker 1>want to be different.

<v Speaker 2>Right.

<v Speaker 1>I feel like now we celebrate differences. But back then,

<v Speaker 1>like you don't you did not want to be different.

<v Speaker 1>You wanted to be like everyone else.

<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

<v Speaker 1>And one of the very first schools that I went to,

<v Speaker 1>it was like an American school. And I was like

<v Speaker 1>the only person like really in my class that didn't

<v Speaker 1>speak English. And I remember like going back home and

<v Speaker 1>any cartoons that I would watch, I would watch it

<v Speaker 1>with subtitles and I would like try to say it

<v Speaker 1>as they were saying it. So I trained myself to

<v Speaker 1>not have an accent. And then I did theater and

<v Speaker 1>that obviously helped me with my diction and stuff, but

<v Speaker 1>it was very intentional.

<v Speaker 2>And it was all because I didn't want kids to

<v Speaker 2>think that I was different. That is so fascinating.

<v Speaker 3>So I guess, honestly, learning English kind of maybe in

<v Speaker 3>a sense, like not only shaped you, but it kind of,

<v Speaker 3>allowed you to become like, you adapted to your environment.

<v Speaker 2>Yeah. And that kind of helped you find your sense

<v Speaker 2>of belonging in a sense. It gives me a sense

<v Speaker 2>of confidence that I definitely did not have before.

<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

<v Speaker 3>And especially because there's so much intentionality around it. And

<v Speaker 3>I think that, I mean, you know what they say,

<v Speaker 3>people that are bilingual, I mean, you're, I don't even

<v Speaker 3>know what four languages would be called.

<v Speaker 2>Polyglot. Stop. I was going to say quadrangle. Quadrangle. Okay, polyglot.

<v Speaker 2>That's okay. It's just really fascinating.

<v Speaker 3>They say that you guys are actually more intelligent than

<v Speaker 3>the average person.

<v Speaker 2>I mean, I don't want to say all that. I

<v Speaker 2>want to say all that. I would. I would.

<v Speaker 3>Wait, so, okay, at this point, I know that you

<v Speaker 3>fully speak English and everything, but when you, as you

<v Speaker 3>were learning these languages.

<v Speaker 2>and you.

<v Speaker 3>Heard people speaking English at first, were you translating it

<v Speaker 3>in your native tongue first?

<v Speaker 2>Um, yeah. Yeah. But again, English, English is the hardest language.

<v Speaker 1>And I will say, because, Because the English language doesn't

<v Speaker 1>make sense.

<v Speaker 2>There's all of these different rules.

<v Speaker 1>You have words that are the same, but pronounced very

<v Speaker 1>differently depending on the context and sentence that you use

<v Speaker 1>it in.

<v Speaker 2>So there's so much nuance.

<v Speaker 1>There's so much more to learn in the English language,

<v Speaker 1>which is why when people make fun of other people

<v Speaker 1>that have accents or speak English in a way that

<v Speaker 1>they're not using the word correctly, I'm like.

<v Speaker 2>Come on.

<v Speaker 1>Like they speak more languages than you do. And also

<v Speaker 1>they're speaking in language that really is the hardest to

<v Speaker 1>learn and the hardest to speak.

<v Speaker 2>Wow.

<v Speaker 3>And I do remember growing up hearing about that too.

<v Speaker 3>Because for instance, right, there's plane, like you're flying in

<v Speaker 3>a plane, but then there's plane.

<v Speaker 2>That's plane. I want a plane bagel. That's confusing.

<v Speaker 1>And like through like T-H-R-O-U-G-H and through T-H-R-E-W. But there's

<v Speaker 1>literally so, many there's so many words in the english

<v Speaker 1>language that i'm like why why do i have to

<v Speaker 1>make this more difficult why.

<v Speaker 3>Now let's just transition over into like the good stuff

<v Speaker 3>here so you are no stranger to pageantry so i

<v Speaker 3>want to know about your introduction into pageantry How did

<v Speaker 3>this all begin? But actually, I do have a question

<v Speaker 3>that I meant to ask before then, which was when

<v Speaker 3>you moved.

<v Speaker 2>To the United States, whose decision was that? My parents.

<v Speaker 1>Yeah, so I actually, so growing up in Cape Verde, again,

<v Speaker 1>not many people know about Cape Verde.

<v Speaker 2>Now it's like, it's stunning. It's stunning, stunning, stunning. It's

<v Speaker 2>so beautiful.

<v Speaker 1>Like a lot of people go there for vacation, especially Europeans.

<v Speaker 1>But when I was born, like I grew up in

<v Speaker 1>a house that didn't have a roof. So every time

<v Speaker 1>it would rain, it would flood. I very much grew,

<v Speaker 1>because it's a developing country.

<v Speaker 2>Wow.

<v Speaker 1>So I very much grew up in, like some people

<v Speaker 1>would consider it poverty. Back then I did not consider

<v Speaker 1>it poverty because I did not know anything else. But

<v Speaker 1>I remember like the first like four years of my life,

<v Speaker 1>like we would have to walk like three miles to

<v Speaker 1>get water and bring.

<v Speaker 2>It back to the house and like a big like

<v Speaker 2>jug bucket.

<v Speaker 1>So I like humble, humble, humble beginnings. So I remember

<v Speaker 1>when my parents were like, yeah, we're like moving to America.

<v Speaker 1>I had no concept of America. I didn't know what

<v Speaker 1>America really was because I also didn't grow up with television.

<v Speaker 2>Like people here grew up, you know, kids grow up

<v Speaker 2>watching TV.

<v Speaker 1>It's Rachel and all these cartoons and this, like, I

<v Speaker 1>didn't grow up with any of that. Like my fondest

<v Speaker 1>memories were playing in mud and playing in the rain.

<v Speaker 1>And like, that's about it. Like, no, no, no toys,

<v Speaker 1>none of that. So I had no concept of what

<v Speaker 1>America was. I had no concept of getting on a flight.

<v Speaker 1>Like I, it was also new to me and it,

<v Speaker 1>it was truly like the biggest culture shock, but I

<v Speaker 1>will say funny enough, I'm kind of tying it to pageants,

<v Speaker 1>but We moved to Logan Airport because my dad's side

<v Speaker 1>of the family, they were already in the U.S. So

<v Speaker 1>that's how we were able to I think it was

<v Speaker 1>like a visa lottery or something that we were able

<v Speaker 1>to kind of win to come to the U.S.

<v Speaker 2>And my when I got here, we got to Logan Airport.

<v Speaker 2>And back then they had like like pamphlets, like flyers.

<v Speaker 1>And there was a pamphlet that had, there was like,

<v Speaker 1>you know, all the monuments kind of in America.

<v Speaker 2>Again, didn't understand any of them.

<v Speaker 1>And I remember one of the pamphlets really stood out

<v Speaker 1>to me and it was one of New York City

<v Speaker 1>and it had like the Twin Towers at that point.

<v Speaker 2>Yeah, because at this point we moved actually in 2003.

<v Speaker 2>So sorry, not the Twin Towers. Good gracious. Good gracious. Actually,

<v Speaker 2>maybe it was still at that point. Or World Trade Center.

<v Speaker 2>It was something. Something in like the pamphlet. Yeah. And we,

<v Speaker 2>I grabbed it and I was like, oh my gosh, like,

<v Speaker 2>am I stealing this? Like, can I take it?

<v Speaker 1>Because I was so drawn to it and I never

<v Speaker 1>knew why. And it's so funny, like years later, like

<v Speaker 1>I became Miss New York. It was a skyline of

<v Speaker 1>New York City.

<v Speaker 2>That's what it was.

<v Speaker 3>That's insane.

<v Speaker 2>That's what it was. Okay. All right.

<v Speaker 3>So your introduction into pageantry, you came from the theater

<v Speaker 3>side of things. What got you into theater? Was it

<v Speaker 3>all the shows you were watching as you were trying

<v Speaker 3>to learn English? Did you aspire to be on TV always?

<v Speaker 2>This came way later.

<v Speaker 1>So I had a really difficult few years, I would say,

<v Speaker 1>in the US trying to find myself and My parents also,

<v Speaker 1>when they got here, they were working factory jobs.

<v Speaker 2>We were poor.

<v Speaker 1>Growing up, my parents would work factory jobs. When my

<v Speaker 1>mom actually got to the US, when we moved here,

<v Speaker 1>she gave birth to my sister.

<v Speaker 2>We moved in February, middle of winter in Boston in 2003.

<v Speaker 2>Then in April of that year, 2003, she gave birth

<v Speaker 2>to my baby sister, well, my middle sister. When she

<v Speaker 2>gave birth, like I was going to school, but then

<v Speaker 2>I would pick up my baby sister right after school

<v Speaker 2>and then bring her home. And she was like literally

<v Speaker 2>a few months old because again, my parents had to

<v Speaker 2>work factory jobs. So I didn't grow up.

<v Speaker 1>Really, um, doing any extracurricular activities or anything like that

<v Speaker 1>until I went to high school and found my way

<v Speaker 1>in drama club.

<v Speaker 2>Loved it.

<v Speaker 1>I think I finally found my voice and it was

<v Speaker 1>just so fun to just be dramatic and, um, have

<v Speaker 1>people that had just such big personalities. And like, I

<v Speaker 1>very much felt like home and my theater director, shout

<v Speaker 1>out to Bob Hogan, who I'm still really good friends

<v Speaker 1>with to this day. Actually just have a few months ago,

<v Speaker 1>but he was like, you know, um, He had, like,

<v Speaker 1>known someone that did a pageant.

<v Speaker 2>He was like, I think you'd be great.

<v Speaker 1>I had no idea what pageants were. Like, generally no idea.

<v Speaker 1>So I remember I went on YouTube and I searched up, like,

<v Speaker 1>Miss Universe. And I, first thing I saw was, like,

<v Speaker 1>the most gorgeous women.

<v Speaker 2>Tall, blonde, blue eyes.

<v Speaker 1>And I was like, immediately no. Because one, I do

<v Speaker 1>not look anywhere like that. And there was just, like,

<v Speaker 1>something about it that was just so unattainable. It's like

<v Speaker 1>someone looking at you and being like, you're the next Beyonce.

<v Speaker 2>It's like, oh. Am I? Like, you're... And I say

<v Speaker 2>that to say not that you can't be the next Beyonce,

<v Speaker 2>but it's Beyonce.

<v Speaker 1>Yeah. And it was just, like, the most, like, outlandish

<v Speaker 1>thing in the world. So it took him about two,

<v Speaker 1>three years of convincing me. It wasn't until I was

<v Speaker 1>a freshman in college that I was like, okay, sure.

<v Speaker 2>Like, let me try this out. And then, yeah. And

<v Speaker 2>then it changed my life. That's insane. Okay, so.

<v Speaker 3>I know at first you have to do locals, right?

<v Speaker 3>So you became Miss Teen.

<v Speaker 2>Well, so my pageant journey. So I did.

<v Speaker 1>So I was a freshman in high school. I mean,

<v Speaker 1>freshman in college. And I did Miss Massachusetts Teen USA

<v Speaker 1>at the time. Because I was living in New York,

<v Speaker 1>but still a Massachusetts resident.

<v Speaker 2>Okay. I didn't know anything.

<v Speaker 1>My dress was from Amazon. I had no coaching, no nothing.

<v Speaker 1>I went into that interview room strictly just from my personality.

<v Speaker 2>Like that's it.

<v Speaker 1>And I was up against like 70 or 80 girls

<v Speaker 1>in the teen category. Okay. Somehow, someway, by the grace

<v Speaker 1>of God, I got top 15. And I was like,

<v Speaker 1>oh my God, this is basically like me winning, you know?

<v Speaker 1>Because again, no coaching. Then a year later, actually a

<v Speaker 1>few months later, I did Miss Teen New.

<v Speaker 2>York, United States. And again, somehow, by the grace of God,

<v Speaker 2>I won. Again, still no coaching.

<v Speaker 1>And then I went to represent New York at Miss

<v Speaker 1>Teen United States in Washington, D.C. in 2015. And I

<v Speaker 1>was just there for the fun of it. Mind you,

<v Speaker 1>one thing about me is like anytime I did something,

<v Speaker 1>I would literally put my all into it. Like I

<v Speaker 1>would do all the research. I would make sure that

<v Speaker 1>I'm showing up the best that I can. So I

<v Speaker 1>did do a lot of work to prepare, but no

<v Speaker 1>way thought that I was going to win.

<v Speaker 2>And I won.

<v Speaker 1>And so I was Miss Teen United States in 2015.

<v Speaker 1>And that's really what changed my life. That was the

<v Speaker 1>first time where I held a domestic ticket to a flight.

<v Speaker 1>Like I had never traveled like in the United States really,

<v Speaker 1>like besides like, you know, Rhode Island. Like gone to

<v Speaker 1>another state or like taking a flight to another state

<v Speaker 1>ever in my life. And all of a sudden I'm

<v Speaker 1>on red carpets and I'm doing photo shoots and I'm

<v Speaker 1>modeling and I'm this. So talk about like just completely

<v Speaker 1>being in awe of like what life could be and

<v Speaker 1>getting to live it at such a young age, you know,

<v Speaker 1>at that point.

<v Speaker 2>That is, wow. That's like a huge jump. Now, were

<v Speaker 2>you traveling with your parents or were you? No, by myself. Well,

<v Speaker 2>like my, like the team that I had. Yeah. So yeah.

<v Speaker 1>So after that, like fast forward a few years, that's

<v Speaker 1>when I did Miss New York USA in 2020.

<v Speaker 2>Um, and ended up winning.

<v Speaker 1>And I went up against like 160 contestants, 170 contestants.

<v Speaker 2>It was, it was a, it was a crazy, crazy competition.

<v Speaker 2>But also what about Miss Earth? Cause I read that

<v Speaker 2>you also.

<v Speaker 1>Miss Earth is such a blip in the timeline, but

<v Speaker 1>I cannot like, it also gave me so much.

<v Speaker 2>So yeah. So I competed for Miss New York USA

<v Speaker 2>in 2017. Okay.

<v Speaker 1>It was my first pageant outside of being a teen.

<v Speaker 1>Now I'm with the big dogs, okay? I'm with all

<v Speaker 1>the grown, talented, incredible, accomplished women. And I was 21, I.

<v Speaker 2>Want to say.

<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

<v Speaker 2>And I placed first runner up.

<v Speaker 1>And funny enough, I can give the tea, but me

<v Speaker 1>and the girl that won that year were tied. And

<v Speaker 1>the judges ended up choosing her because she had competed.

<v Speaker 1>It was like, I think her seventh try. And it

<v Speaker 1>was my first. And at that time, like, you could

<v Speaker 1>age out.

<v Speaker 2>Now you can't age out of pageants because they changed

<v Speaker 2>the rules. I noticed that.

<v Speaker 1>But when I competed, like, you had to be, I

<v Speaker 1>think it was like 27 or 28.

<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

<v Speaker 1>So she was about to age out. So one of

<v Speaker 1>the best things that ever happened to me was not

<v Speaker 1>winning that year.

<v Speaker 2>So I was like, oh, okay, like. got first runner up.

<v Speaker 1>I can do this, but like, I feel like I

<v Speaker 1>needed to grow because one thing about me is I'm

<v Speaker 1>extremely self-aware and I was like, okay, I feel like

<v Speaker 1>I need to grow up a little bit.

<v Speaker 2>So I was like, you know what?

<v Speaker 1>Like while I'm living life and growing as like, you know, personally, like,

<v Speaker 1>let me just try to do another pageant just to

<v Speaker 1>kind of just, you know, practice a little bit. And

<v Speaker 1>then I ended up winning. And then before I know it,

<v Speaker 1>I'm in the Philippines representing USA. And that was like

<v Speaker 1>such an insane experience. But It happened for a reason

<v Speaker 1>because from that experience, like I think the pageant industry.

<v Speaker 2>World, because it is such a world within itself. Yeah.

<v Speaker 1>But I had so many people that now knew who

<v Speaker 1>I was and I got to meet a lot of

<v Speaker 1>designers and sponsors who.

<v Speaker 2>Then actually ended up helping me on my journey when

<v Speaker 2>I competed for Miss New York USA. Wow. That's like

<v Speaker 2>such like a full circle moment right there. 100%.

<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

<v Speaker 2>Like. Wow. That is something else. And yeah, it's so funny.

<v Speaker 3>You mentioned like aging. It has changed so much, like

<v Speaker 3>the pageantry world. You know what I also thought was

<v Speaker 3>so interesting? I feel like by time you get to,

<v Speaker 3>let's say Miss Universe, it's such an accomplishment for all

<v Speaker 3>150 women is it usually that competes for yeah a

<v Speaker 3>lot of women like on that stage I think what

<v Speaker 3>really like my mom and I get so much like

<v Speaker 3>anxiety over the fact that as soon as all you

<v Speaker 3>do is walk on stage and they're already eliminating like well.

<v Speaker 1>Because because the majority of people aren't watching the actual

<v Speaker 1>competition before finals.

<v Speaker 2>There's a whole competition.

<v Speaker 1>Actually, there's preliminary competition before finals where every single girl competes.

<v Speaker 1>But the competition really starts way before then, you know,

<v Speaker 1>with social media and this and your platform and being very,

<v Speaker 1>you know, like it's a whole thing.

<v Speaker 2>So what would you say is the difference between performing

<v Speaker 2>confidence and then actually feeling confident because I'm going to

<v Speaker 2>say I can truly see, I know it's really, really,

<v Speaker 2>it takes a lot of like strength and courage, especially

<v Speaker 2>when it comes to the, what is the talent section? Oh,

<v Speaker 2>we don't have talent, babe. That's America. Miss USA does

<v Speaker 2>not have talent. Thank God.

<v Speaker 3>But America does have talent. And I saw this like

<v Speaker 3>girl that, one time she didn't sing or dance.

<v Speaker 2>So she did a, her story. Yes. That is, it's

<v Speaker 2>been a thing the last few years of Miss America. Yeah.

<v Speaker 2>And I didn't, I was like fascinated by that. Like, wow.

<v Speaker 3>I didn't know they left, but I could tell she did,

<v Speaker 3>she did such a good job, but I could tell

<v Speaker 3>she was a little nervous because in between the time

<v Speaker 3>when she was speaking, she would, she would almost sound like,

<v Speaker 3>and like, it would go to like the, it literally

<v Speaker 3>sounded like As she was going on to the next sentence.

<v Speaker 2>And I'm like, okay, you know what?

<v Speaker 3>This girl deserves a lot of credit because I know

<v Speaker 3>it's a lot to memorize a speech for that amount

<v Speaker 3>of time. But I just– all of the girls that

<v Speaker 3>do the dancing all seem like they are super professional.

<v Speaker 2>They're flipping. They're doing all this stuff. And I'm just thinking,

<v Speaker 2>like– and then the singers.

<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

<v Speaker 3>It's just– it takes– an incredible amount of confidence, especially

<v Speaker 3>the bikini competition.

<v Speaker 2>Yes. And you're walking around. I know there's also tips

<v Speaker 2>and tricks. We can get into that later.

<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

<v Speaker 3>But how do you truly step into that confidence? And

<v Speaker 3>what is the difference between performing it and feeling it?

<v Speaker 2>Okay.

<v Speaker 1>So, you know, it's actually so funny talking about the

<v Speaker 1>swimsuit thing. I actually just saw this kind of recently.

<v Speaker 1>And someone was like, do you want to know the difference.

<v Speaker 2>Between an influencer and a pageant girl?

<v Speaker 1>Uh-oh.

<v Speaker 2>Is that passion girls aren't afraid to get judged. We

<v Speaker 2>actually get numerically judged.

<v Speaker 1>We get judged on everything, whereas influencers, you get judged

<v Speaker 1>in a sense, but not to that sense. So the

<v Speaker 1>level of confidence that you need to have is very different.

<v Speaker 1>But I will say, I think a lot of People

<v Speaker 1>think they're confident, but they're not actually confident. I think

<v Speaker 1>when you perform confidence so much, you actually start to

<v Speaker 1>believe that that's the truth, when in reality, it's not.

<v Speaker 1>And I think it takes a whole different level of

<v Speaker 1>knowing yourself and growth to understand what true confidence actually means.

<v Speaker 1>Because now looking back at it, it's like, was I

<v Speaker 1>very charismatic?

<v Speaker 2>Yes. Was I, did I like myself? Yes. Did I

<v Speaker 2>have moments of confidence? Yes, absolutely.

<v Speaker 1>But the level of confidence that I now have post

<v Speaker 1>pageant and all of that is so much more different than,

<v Speaker 1>you know, back then. And actually when I look at

<v Speaker 1>back then, I'm like, I wasn't actually confident. I was

<v Speaker 1>performing and pretending to be confident, but I wasn't actually confident.

<v Speaker 1>Like you asked me to go somewhere without a full

<v Speaker 1>face of makeup and during my pageant days and I

<v Speaker 1>wouldn't be caught dead doing that because I wasn't actually

<v Speaker 1>confident in myself and truly who I was.

<v Speaker 2>Wow. No, I do have to agree with that.

<v Speaker 3>I think that, yeah, it's so funny when you're an influencer,

<v Speaker 3>you don't realize what you obviously sign up for. And

<v Speaker 3>that's obviously people are going to have a lot to

<v Speaker 3>say about you, but.

<v Speaker 2>That's a part of the pageant world. So you adapt

<v Speaker 2>to that, you know?

<v Speaker 3>I mean- I think also with that being said, I mean,

<v Speaker 3>there's beauty is a very big aspect of the pageant world.

<v Speaker 2>Yes.

<v Speaker 3>Comparison, your self-image perception. So can you kind of speak

<v Speaker 3>to all three of those facets, like the beauty?

<v Speaker 2>I love a full glam. Me too.

<v Speaker 1>I am.

<v Speaker 2>A full glam girl, okay? You do it well, baby.

<v Speaker 2>You do it well. Very well. Thank you. So I

<v Speaker 2>just feel like I just, I love the hair. I

<v Speaker 2>love the, you know.

<v Speaker 3>Also, how did you, like, style your hair? Like, did

<v Speaker 3>you have, like, a hairstylist that you hired? Like, how

<v Speaker 3>does that whole process, the glam process, go? You, so yeah,

<v Speaker 3>there's full teams.

<v Speaker 1>Pageants can look very different because you can have girls

<v Speaker 1>like me that didn't spend very much money, and you

<v Speaker 1>can have girls.

<v Speaker 2>That literally spent, like, $ 30, 000, $ 40, 000, $ 50, 000, and that's And

<v Speaker 2>that's on, like, the cheap, like, more affordable route. Wow.

<v Speaker 1>I think I remember one year, one girl that I

<v Speaker 1>competed with at Miss USA, my year, she spent, like, $ 15, 000

<v Speaker 1>on her gown, like, out of pocket. So my gown

<v Speaker 1>at Miss New York USA was $ 12, 000. Granted, I did

<v Speaker 1>not pay for it.

<v Speaker 2>It was sponsored. Shout out to Giovanni. Love Giovanni. But

<v Speaker 2>it's very expensive. So for me, because I could.

<v Speaker 1>sorry if I had the money I would spend it

<v Speaker 1>but I didn't have the money I learned how to

<v Speaker 1>do everything myself learn how to do my hair myself

<v Speaker 1>I have never hired a makeup and hair person for

<v Speaker 1>pageants Miss New York USA I did hair and makeup

<v Speaker 1>myself Miss USA I did my hair and makeup myself

<v Speaker 1>every like I do everything myself um even to take

<v Speaker 1>in gowns like instead of taking it to a tailor

<v Speaker 1>like I learned how to take in stuff by myself

<v Speaker 1>because I didn't have the money to pay for all

<v Speaker 1>of the stuff I think genuinely like that is that

<v Speaker 1>that's the one thing I think that maybe separates maybe

<v Speaker 1>some girls from the others, because this is what I

<v Speaker 1>was talking about when I mentioned support. Some girls do

<v Speaker 1>have like, you know, different backgrounds. Yeah.

<v Speaker 3>Families are able to just afford those things maybe for

<v Speaker 3>them or I don't know if they fundraise or something

<v Speaker 3>like that.

<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Yeah.

<v Speaker 3>So it does require a bit of support. But you

<v Speaker 3>know how people always like what you said, I didn't

<v Speaker 3>know how to do it. So I figured it out.

<v Speaker 2>What about the people like me? that like, I don't

<v Speaker 2>know how to do it. And I still can't. You

<v Speaker 2>weren't bad enough, you will. Okay. Yeah.

<v Speaker 1>My entire life is figuring it out. My entire life

<v Speaker 1>I've had to adapt. I have gone through so much

<v Speaker 1>in my life and on a daily, like on a daily,

<v Speaker 1>it's so funny.

<v Speaker 2>I was actually talking to my fiance a few days

<v Speaker 2>ago and I.

<v Speaker 1>Was like, babe, I was like, you know, I was like,

<v Speaker 1>this is like, we were sitting on the balcony and

<v Speaker 1>I'm like, I feel like I just, it just hit

<v Speaker 1>me that I have not been in a flight or

<v Speaker 1>flight mode in like probably over a year because I've

<v Speaker 1>been in fight or flight.

<v Speaker 2>Mode my entire life. My entire, I'm an immigrant.

<v Speaker 1>I'm the oldest of three girls, okay? So like I

<v Speaker 1>had to be a mom at seven years old when

<v Speaker 1>my parents moved to the US.

<v Speaker 2>Like I had to be a mom. I had to

<v Speaker 2>change a diaper. I had to pick her up from daycare,

<v Speaker 2>drop her off at daycare.

<v Speaker 1>Like I have moved more times in New York City

<v Speaker 1>than I'd like. And every single time I moved to

<v Speaker 1>New York City, I have moved out on my own,

<v Speaker 1>meaning pack up a U-Haul, bring a queen size mattress

<v Speaker 1>up five flights of stairs. I have done everything on

<v Speaker 1>my own. And like, granted, my parents are lovely. Like

<v Speaker 1>they're still together to this day. They've been together since

<v Speaker 1>they were 17. They've been such great parents, but they

<v Speaker 1>could only do and give what they had. And unfortunately,

<v Speaker 1>they didn't have much. And because they didn't have much,

<v Speaker 1>like I was away in college in New York. And, like, okay,

<v Speaker 1>I didn't have enough money to eat, but you know

<v Speaker 1>what I'm going to do? I'm going to go to

<v Speaker 1>CVS and spend my last $ 10 on getting a foundation

<v Speaker 1>because I have something to show up tomorrow for. And

<v Speaker 1>I at least, even though I'm broke, I don't want

<v Speaker 1>to look broke.

<v Speaker 2>Yes.

<v Speaker 1>That has been my biggest thing. You can never look

<v Speaker 1>at me, ever, and know actually what I was going through.

<v Speaker 2>Ever. Ever. No one can ever say that. No one

<v Speaker 2>can ever say that. Because, girl, I... I looked hella good.

<v Speaker 1>You know what?

<v Speaker 3>Honestly, I'm going to say that that's a positive thing,

<v Speaker 3>that you don't look like what you're going through. I

<v Speaker 3>know that sometimes it's hard to be the person that

<v Speaker 3>kind of asks for help. I would say being an

<v Speaker 3>older sibling, I'm also an older sibling. I understand that feeling.

<v Speaker 3>I don't want to ask. That's just not in our nature.

<v Speaker 2>And I think too.

<v Speaker 3>Like when I went through in my own struggles, like

<v Speaker 3>a time period that was just completely unfathomable to me.

<v Speaker 2>I actually feel like I looked amazing. Incredible.

<v Speaker 3>And I learned about myself resilience and I was like,

<v Speaker 3>Oh shoot. I do not look like what it is

<v Speaker 3>that I'm going through at the same time. I guess

<v Speaker 3>the downside to that is it's isolating.

<v Speaker 2>Yes. Extremely.

<v Speaker 3>Cause like you're not going to talk to someone about it.

<v Speaker 3>And then who's going to feel bad for you when, right.

<v Speaker 2>You don't look like it. Yeah. You know what I mean?

<v Speaker 3>So I 100% relate to that. And I think even

<v Speaker 3>with that said, the lessons that you learn throughout the

<v Speaker 3>experiences that you have to traverse through, particularly in the

<v Speaker 3>pageant world, I want to kind of get into that.

<v Speaker 3>So there's obviously competition. I want to know, are the

<v Speaker 3>girls genuinely friendly on there? Because you guys are competing.

<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Okay. So some of my best friends are pageant girls.

<v Speaker 1>Like I'm getting married and I want to say like,

<v Speaker 1>half of them are pageant girls girls that I competed

<v Speaker 1>with two of them I competed with at Miss USA

<v Speaker 1>um so I think it just depends on the girl

<v Speaker 1>and who they are because for me I feel like

<v Speaker 1>I always had a really healthy approach to pageants because

<v Speaker 1>for me pageants was never the end-all be-all uh like

<v Speaker 1>I was like okay whether I win or not I'm

<v Speaker 1>going to make this serve me in one way or

<v Speaker 1>another one way or another something's coming out of this

<v Speaker 1>okay um where sometimes I feel like girls go into

<v Speaker 1>it like oh I have to win and everyone here

<v Speaker 1>is my competition so with that like yeah you do

<v Speaker 1>get some cattiness like I have heard some horror stories

<v Speaker 1>I have heard girls cutting up dresses and all of

<v Speaker 1>that stuff but I've never had that happen to me

<v Speaker 1>I literally show up and I'm I talk to everyone.

<v Speaker 2>Well, actually, when I'm in competition mode, I'm in competition mode.

<v Speaker 2>So if you talk to me, I'm going to talk

<v Speaker 2>to you.

<v Speaker 1>But, like, I'm not going to go out of my

<v Speaker 1>way to have conversations because it's, like, I'm friendly, but

<v Speaker 1>I'm here to win.

<v Speaker 2>Like, they're just incredible women. They're all, like, accomplished.

<v Speaker 1>So it's not as catty as you would think it

<v Speaker 1>is because I just think that naturally, one, pageant.

<v Speaker 2>Girls know how to perform.

<v Speaker 1>So even if you know how to perform, being nice,

<v Speaker 1>I guess we'll never know if you are actually... I'm

<v Speaker 1>not going to curse, but B-I-T-C-H or not. Because you

<v Speaker 1>know how to perform being that nice Southern belle.

<v Speaker 2>Oh, that's true. You know?

<v Speaker 3>Would you say that you adapted to that competitive culture quickly?

<v Speaker 2>Like, throughout.

<v Speaker 3>from your first pageant? Like, were you naturally always a

<v Speaker 3>competitive person?

<v Speaker 2>You have to unlock that. I don't, I'm not competitive

<v Speaker 2>at all. There's not a competitive bone in me, actually.

<v Speaker 2>There isn't.

<v Speaker 1>I remember, like, people had me slated to win Miss USA, like,

<v Speaker 1>on every single pageant prediction pageant board, I was set

<v Speaker 1>to win Miss USA. Like if there was a cal sheet,

<v Speaker 1>it's so funny because I'm seeing all the cal sheet

<v Speaker 1>ads on TikTok now. If there was a cal sheet

<v Speaker 1>thing or whatever where people can put money on me winning,

<v Speaker 1>I'm pretty sure so many people would have put money

<v Speaker 1>on me winning and I did not win. And as

<v Speaker 1>soon as I did not make that top five, I

<v Speaker 1>remember like my phone was blowing up, like social media

<v Speaker 1>was blowing up and I was like.

<v Speaker 2>Okay, anyway, keep it moving. But I think it's going.

<v Speaker 1>Back to me just naturally being really resilient and adapting

<v Speaker 1>really quickly.

<v Speaker 2>So it's like, oh, this didn't work out. Okay, next.

<v Speaker 1>So I've never been competitive. But what I will say

<v Speaker 1>is the perfection part. That's the part of pageants that

<v Speaker 1>I really think affected me negatively. Okay. Because all of

<v Speaker 1>a sudden, right? Again, here's a girl coming from absolutely nothing.

<v Speaker 1>All of a sudden, everyone is putting her on a

<v Speaker 1>pedestal and, you know, talking about her body and how

<v Speaker 1>good she looks and her style. And it just so

<v Speaker 1>happened that, obviously, all of these were at events and

<v Speaker 1>I'm in full hair and makeup.

<v Speaker 2>So naturally, when.

<v Speaker 1>You are living in that sense of perfection, right? And

<v Speaker 1>people are, you're only hearing good things when you are

<v Speaker 1>perfectly dolled up. Then you start to feel like that's

<v Speaker 1>the only way that you can exist in life. And

<v Speaker 1>that became like my biggest downfall and something that I

<v Speaker 1>had to unlearn after pageant because in the moment I

<v Speaker 1>wasn't realizing it.

<v Speaker 2>I was like, oh, I'm confident I'm this and then

<v Speaker 2>I'm that. But again, kind of what I mentioned earlier,

<v Speaker 2>I wouldn't be caught dead without makeup.

<v Speaker 1>Like even if it was just like a quick social

<v Speaker 1>media post, I would wake up and like, oh my God,

<v Speaker 1>I wanted to share this on my story.

<v Speaker 2>And I'm like, nope.

<v Speaker 1>Because I was so afraid of being imperfect because I

<v Speaker 1>felt like as soon as I was imperfect, even if

<v Speaker 1>it was like wearing like sweatpants and a t-shirt, people

<v Speaker 1>would have negative things to say about me because every

<v Speaker 1>time they would say something positive, because again, I was

<v Speaker 1>a pageant girl, I just so happened to be in

<v Speaker 1>a crown and sash and full face of makeup and

<v Speaker 1>glam and all that stuff. That's the only time I

<v Speaker 1>would get any sort of recognition or compliment or No

<v Speaker 1>one was really complimenting me when I was not wearing

<v Speaker 1>makeup or anything, but that's.

<v Speaker 2>Because I was home alone.

<v Speaker 1>So it was, like, something that I created in my

<v Speaker 1>mind that I had.

<v Speaker 2>To be perfect all the time. Right. And that really

<v Speaker 2>screwed me up. I had to unlearn that. I think in, like,

<v Speaker 2>your speech, your social media presence.

<v Speaker 1>Yes.

<v Speaker 2>It bleeds into every part of your life. Everything. Yeah. Everything. Like,

<v Speaker 2>I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I would be scared. Everything on

<v Speaker 2>social media was.

<v Speaker 1>I had to be, like, really careful about, like, if

<v Speaker 1>I couldn't drink or I couldn't, you know, if I

<v Speaker 1>wanted to curse, like, I couldn't curse.

<v Speaker 2>Like, everything was just so perfect. And, again, I didn't

<v Speaker 2>realize that.

<v Speaker 3>I actually, strangely enough, can relate to this because with

<v Speaker 3>what my dad does, technically my family would be considered, like,

<v Speaker 3>the first family in this sector.

<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

<v Speaker 2>There's a lot of that. And I don't even know.

<v Speaker 2>I was born into it. So it's like even deeper. Yeah.

<v Speaker 3>You know, and I do find that I do look

<v Speaker 3>at things from that lens. I mean, to be honest

<v Speaker 3>with you, I remember I uploaded a photo because you

<v Speaker 3>just want to be normal at some point.

<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Yeah.

<v Speaker 2>Do what everyone else is doing. And so I think

<v Speaker 2>I uploaded a photo of me like in a bathing suit,

<v Speaker 2>like looking back. I know that photo looked good. I

<v Speaker 2>know it ain't down. Yeah.

<v Speaker 3>By time, from the time I took the photo to

<v Speaker 3>when we sat down for dinner, my dad already had

<v Speaker 3>the photo because members of like the church were calling

<v Speaker 3>his phone about what I posted. And so it just

<v Speaker 3>kind of gave, like you're walking on eggshells in a sense, like.

<v Speaker 3>Where I just felt frustrated and a little caged in,

<v Speaker 3>I think, at a certain point.

<v Speaker 2>Because you only exist in the perception of others. Yeah.

<v Speaker 2>That's the issue. Yes.

<v Speaker 3>And I will say, like, that is something that on

<v Speaker 3>autopilot I forget to remember that I've overcome that.

<v Speaker 2>Yeah. But it has, especially with. The being in the

<v Speaker 2>religious sect, it's just. Yeah, I can only imagine. Yeah,

<v Speaker 2>it's very, very different. And so certain things you just

<v Speaker 2>absolutely cannot do. Of course, yeah.

<v Speaker 3>You know, and so it's like you're being mindful of that.

<v Speaker 3>Also trying to navigate being true to yourself as a

<v Speaker 3>teenager and then into your early 20s. you try to

<v Speaker 3>dance the line to see what's appropriate or not, whatever.

<v Speaker 3>The point is, is like, I can definitely relate to that,

<v Speaker 3>you know, sense of perfectionism and things like that, that you,

<v Speaker 3>you were, you were talking about, but what about the

<v Speaker 3>rejection side of it? Like, you know, I know there's

<v Speaker 3>times where you might feel like, okay, like there's this

<v Speaker 3>opportunity that like, maybe this person has gotten, maybe I haven't.

<v Speaker 2>Do you feel like you've ever experienced something like that

<v Speaker 2>or not necessarily? In terms of like comparison, rejection, or like,

<v Speaker 2>I would say.

<v Speaker 3>Just overall, maybe opportunities that maybe other, you know, contestants

<v Speaker 3>may have been granted. Or I know you did say

<v Speaker 3>that you traversed through that losing that first competition really well.

<v Speaker 2>You were like, you know what? I have to grow.

<v Speaker 3>So let me come back at this with a better

<v Speaker 3>perception or a different lens.

<v Speaker 2>Yes. So do you feel like you've ever experienced rejection

<v Speaker 2>through your pageantry journey? Honestly, not necessarily. Like, have I

<v Speaker 2>always had people be nice and stuff?

<v Speaker 1>No. Like, one time I got on Instagram, this was

<v Speaker 1>actually during my Miss Earth days, And the first thing

<v Speaker 1>I see was a headshot of me. And in the caption,

<v Speaker 1>it was like, how does she win Miss Earth USA?

<v Speaker 1>She's the ugliest woman on Earth.

<v Speaker 2>So. Not on Earth for Miss Earth. Yes, on Earth.

<v Speaker 2>I said, really?

<v Speaker 1>Okay.

<v Speaker 2>Not this planet. What is happening? Not all of the planet.

<v Speaker 1>But I just, I think it's just my personality. Like,

<v Speaker 1>I just, I mean, like, it hurts and then I

<v Speaker 1>just keep it moving. But I think I've been, I've

<v Speaker 1>been really lucky in pageants because I've come across some

<v Speaker 1>really incredible people that have helped me. So for example, no,

<v Speaker 1>I couldn't afford the really nice couture, but like Giovanni

<v Speaker 1>became my family because I started modeling for them. And

<v Speaker 1>I remember the day that one of the salespeople were like, well,

<v Speaker 1>you can just ask the designer, like make you a dress.

<v Speaker 1>And then like, maybe they'll just keep it like as

<v Speaker 1>a sample, like you can just return it after. And again,

<v Speaker 1>talk about, now if I ask for things, now I'm

<v Speaker 1>better at that, but I'm horrible at this. So I

<v Speaker 1>couldn't sleep for like seven days straight. just like thinking

<v Speaker 1>about asking the CEO of Giovanni, if I could borrow the,

<v Speaker 1>like make a dress, couture dress, which was like, again, very,

<v Speaker 1>very expensive, like $ 14, 000 and then just like, you know,

<v Speaker 1>return it.

<v Speaker 2>And he was like, yes, of course. Absolutely. And I

<v Speaker 2>was like, oh my gosh. So I had a lot

<v Speaker 2>of people.

<v Speaker 1>Oh, um, one of, uh, this guy, Mac, who actually

<v Speaker 1>works in Miss America, he was helping me with, you know,

<v Speaker 1>current events and, um, you know, political stuff when I was.

<v Speaker 2>Preparing for Miss USA.

<v Speaker 1>So I didn't have to actually have the financial means

<v Speaker 1>because I had a lot of great people helping me.

<v Speaker 1>And so because of that, it really filled in the gap.

<v Speaker 1>Because I think if I didn't have them, then I

<v Speaker 1>would maybe feel a little bit, I don't know, like... like,

<v Speaker 1>I was missing something, but I never felt that, so

<v Speaker 1>much so that there was actually a rumor, I know

<v Speaker 1>who started that rumor, actually, in my Miss USA class,

<v Speaker 1>we won't name her, but they were like, oh my god,

<v Speaker 1>how does Andrea, like, how is she going to all

<v Speaker 1>these events, and she has all these outfits, and this

<v Speaker 1>and that, and they're like, oh, well, maybe she's just, like,

<v Speaker 1>dating a rich guy, or whatever, and I'm like, no,

<v Speaker 1>it's truly because I've had great people that have been

<v Speaker 1>helping me to this day Giovanni dresses me for so

<v Speaker 1>many of the stuff that I that I do like

<v Speaker 1>how are you in this couture gown and I'm like

<v Speaker 1>I because because of relationships that I have built and

<v Speaker 1>I've always been that way and I wouldn't be where

<v Speaker 1>I am today a big part of it is because

<v Speaker 1>of the people that helped me along this way honestly

<v Speaker 1>truly I.

<v Speaker 3>Love that story because I feel like Oh, man.

<v Speaker 2>Favor isn't fair. You ever heard of that before? Favor

<v Speaker 2>isn't fair.

<v Speaker 3>And I feel like for you, like, despite whatever your

<v Speaker 3>upbringing may have been, you know, favor is on your life.

<v Speaker 2>You know, where you've had... I do feel that. Yeah.

<v Speaker 2>I do deeply feel that. You've come across such great

<v Speaker 2>people that you've had the... Pleasant experience of kind of

<v Speaker 2>realizing that you can be, so to speak, a girl

<v Speaker 2>that builds a longer table instead of a fence. Yes.

<v Speaker 3>Unlike some people, they've had to like grind through it,

<v Speaker 3>climb through the mud.

<v Speaker 2>So they think. Yeah.

<v Speaker 3>I mean, we all have an origin story, but it's

<v Speaker 3>nice to know that you have that perception because no

<v Speaker 3>man is an island.

<v Speaker 2>Right.

<v Speaker 3>And a lot of people, they try to be gatekeepers and,

<v Speaker 3>you know, this crab-in-a-barrel mentality, and it doesn't have to

<v Speaker 3>be that.

<v Speaker 1>No.

<v Speaker 3>And so I'm always... really fascinated by stories where people

<v Speaker 3>have extended the table for you. They have gave you a,

<v Speaker 3>given you a helping hand and it's okay to do

<v Speaker 3>that for other people too.

<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

<v Speaker 2>And I, and I, it's something that I still do.

<v Speaker 2>Like I do that.

<v Speaker 1>I'm very cognitive, wait, cognizant. I'm very cognizant of doing

<v Speaker 1>that now for other people, especially when I was Miss

<v Speaker 1>New York USA. When I was Miss New York USA,

<v Speaker 1>like I worked with so many like, FIT students who were, like,

<v Speaker 1>trying to design, and then they would design something for me,

<v Speaker 1>and then I would wear it, like, on a red

<v Speaker 1>carpet or at a press event. So I always, like,

<v Speaker 1>were like, okay, like, how can I use where I

<v Speaker 1>am now to be able to help other people because

<v Speaker 1>other people... you know, so graciously did that to me.

<v Speaker 2>I love that. I love that so much. So how

<v Speaker 2>would you explain that moment that you literally won? Like,

<v Speaker 2>I want to talk about the emotional experience of winning. Like,

<v Speaker 2>oh my gosh, what is my life about to like

<v Speaker 2>turn into? Did you... have an idea do they go.

<v Speaker 3>Over all right when you win this is what your

<v Speaker 3>year is going to look like or do you just

<v Speaker 3>as you experience it you kind of figure out what.

<v Speaker 1>Yeah as you I mean you follow you know the

<v Speaker 1>the former Miss New York's or former title holders you

<v Speaker 1>know in the past so you kind of have an

<v Speaker 1>idea what the year looks like but every year it

<v Speaker 1>can look different for depending on the title holder so

<v Speaker 1>um so I mean it's so funny because I I

<v Speaker 1>don't really I feel things deeply for other people I

<v Speaker 1>don't feel things really deeply for myself.

<v Speaker 2>If something happens to you, a good news girl, I'm

<v Speaker 2>gonna cry. I'm gonna be like, oh my God, I'm

<v Speaker 2>so happy for you. I'm like tears of joy. When

<v Speaker 2>good news happens to me, I'm kind of like, oh, okay,

<v Speaker 2>that's amazing. Thank you, God.

<v Speaker 1>And then I just like keep it moving because I'm

<v Speaker 1>just so conditioned with myself of just like, I don't know, just,

<v Speaker 1>you know. So I think because of that, and also

<v Speaker 1>just scared of things getting, not working out or whatever.

<v Speaker 1>So winning Miss New York, to be quite honest- is

<v Speaker 1>one of those moments in my life where I felt

<v Speaker 1>like deep emotion. Like I was just so overwhelmed with

<v Speaker 1>joy and happiness to the point that I remember like

<v Speaker 1>right after I had to do my little wave, like

<v Speaker 1>they gave me like the mic to talk and my

<v Speaker 1>voice was literally shaking.

<v Speaker 2>I was like, I'm just so happy. I loved all

<v Speaker 2>the girls. Like you guys made this experience so good.

<v Speaker 1>And my parents were there and they watched me win

<v Speaker 1>and so did my two little sisters. So that moment

<v Speaker 1>was just everything to me. Like I forget my Miss

<v Speaker 1>USA experience. That moment of me winning Miss New York

<v Speaker 1>USA is my, one of my favorite experiences ever. So

<v Speaker 1>on top of me getting engaged, that, that did it too.

<v Speaker 2>But truly. Oh my gosh. I love that. So, I mean,

<v Speaker 2>did you feel as you went, once you won, do

<v Speaker 2>you feel like there was like the pressure was on immediately? Immediately.

<v Speaker 2>And I was one of the last states to win.

<v Speaker 1>So I went in January of 2020 and, And then

<v Speaker 1>the pandemic happened in March. So everything got shut down.

<v Speaker 1>So I was planning on going. I had a platform

<v Speaker 1>called More Than Enough.

<v Speaker 2>It was like an initiative.

<v Speaker 1>And basically my entire time as Miss New York USA,

<v Speaker 1>what I had planned, what I had told the judges

<v Speaker 1>in the room was I'm going to go on a

<v Speaker 1>school tour. I wanted to really, really cater to underprivileged

<v Speaker 1>and inner city students. Because again, it's a reflection of

<v Speaker 1>what I know to be like my life growing up

<v Speaker 1>and how oftentimes those kids don't have the opportunities that

<v Speaker 1>they deserve. Um, and they, and that, you know, they're

<v Speaker 1>just not as lucky and pandemic happened. And I remember

<v Speaker 1>all of the contestants, all my Miss USA class, none

<v Speaker 1>of us knew what to do anymore because we can't

<v Speaker 1>go to the appearances.

<v Speaker 2>We can't do this. We can't do that anymore. And again,

<v Speaker 2>one of the things that I do so well is, um, is,

<v Speaker 2>is be able to, uh, what's the pivot? Just pivot. Yeah.

<v Speaker 1>Just, just pivot and adapt. And that's exactly what I did.

<v Speaker 1>So literally the world got shut down in March. And

<v Speaker 1>then within a week, I was like, okay, I'm going

<v Speaker 1>to turn my more than enough tour and just make

<v Speaker 1>it like an online thing. I'm actually going to open

<v Speaker 1>up applications. So people from all around the world can

<v Speaker 1>submit an application and have a 30 minute zoom with me.

<v Speaker 1>So I did hundreds of zoom with people that I've

<v Speaker 1>never met in my life for 30 minutes. And they

<v Speaker 1>would just, and I'm the questionnaire. Like they got to

<v Speaker 1>talk to me about like their ambitions and what they

<v Speaker 1>wanted to do. And, I just used like 30 minutes

<v Speaker 1>for me to help them and just like uplift them.

<v Speaker 1>And a lot of them were inner city students or,

<v Speaker 1>you know, people that just didn't grow up with much.

<v Speaker 1>And I was like doing Instagram lives. So I adapted

<v Speaker 1>so well. And I, every like, I don't know.

<v Speaker 2>Because some people look back and they're like, oh, you

<v Speaker 2>went during the pandemic.

<v Speaker 1>And I'm like, yes, I went during the pandemic and

<v Speaker 1>I wouldn't change it for the world because I truly

<v Speaker 1>felt like I was making a difference.

<v Speaker 2>And then, of course, like George Floyd. the 2020 election,

<v Speaker 2>all of this stuff was happening. So I was boots

<v Speaker 2>on the ground. So while everybody was home, I remember

<v Speaker 2>my hands were.

<v Speaker 1>So dry because I was applying hand sanitizer on my

<v Speaker 1>hand every five minutes because I was delivering meals to

<v Speaker 1>older people in the city that couldn't go to the

<v Speaker 1>grocery stores and get their meals. And I remember one

<v Speaker 1>day looking at my hands and they were so dry

<v Speaker 1>and cracked and all of the stuff. But I was

<v Speaker 1>just so proud because again, like I was doing something

<v Speaker 1>that was meaningful and was impactful. And it was, that's,

<v Speaker 1>that's at the end of the day was what it

<v Speaker 1>was important to me, which is why kind of going

<v Speaker 1>back to pageants, why my, I guess, idea of pageants

<v Speaker 1>have always been a little bit different because truly like

<v Speaker 1>the platform was really important to me. Like what I

<v Speaker 1>got to do with it meant more to me than actually.

<v Speaker 2>Winning Miss USA.

<v Speaker 1>And so my favorite compliment that I get now is like, oh,

<v Speaker 1>my God, you are my favorite Miss USA that ever won.

<v Speaker 2>Or, like, my Miss USA. And that, to me, like,

<v Speaker 2>I love that. I love that.

<v Speaker 1>And I wouldn't change it for the world, like, at all.

<v Speaker 1>If I could redo it all, like, I wouldn't have

<v Speaker 1>wanted to win Miss USA. I would have wanted to

<v Speaker 1>just go to top ten exactly where I won because of.

<v Speaker 2>The impact that I've had on people. That's amazing.

<v Speaker 3>And I think what's beautiful, too, is that by the

<v Speaker 3>time you reach– these levels of top 10, top 5,

<v Speaker 3>even top 15, you're already.

<v Speaker 2>Pretty well accomplished. Yeah, you've won your state.

<v Speaker 1>Again, I went up against like 160-something women.

<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and I realized that.

<v Speaker 3>I'm like, wait, even if they did win the official title,

<v Speaker 3>they are all winners in some way, shape, or form.

<v Speaker 3>So would you say that there was a point in

<v Speaker 3>time where you had to, you felt like you had

<v Speaker 3>to separate all of your accomplishments from the core of

<v Speaker 3>who you are, like your identity?

<v Speaker 2>Like, because obviously you.

<v Speaker 3>Guys are all very well accomplished women and it's easy

<v Speaker 3>to get frustrated. For that to define who you are.

<v Speaker 3>So do you feel like you've ever had to struggle

<v Speaker 3>with separating your accomplishments from your identity?

<v Speaker 2>Yes.

<v Speaker 1>And that was a whole journey on its own. I....

<v Speaker 2>So I gave up.

<v Speaker 1>So because of the pandemic, I was like the longest

<v Speaker 1>reigning Miss New York USA. So I reigned for almost

<v Speaker 1>like two years.

<v Speaker 2>Oh, wow.

<v Speaker 1>So by the time that whole journey and that like

<v Speaker 1>it was a beautiful experience in my life.

<v Speaker 2>But it took so much out of me.

<v Speaker 1>And mind you, I'm still going through life as like Andrea,

<v Speaker 1>not Miss New York USA. Breakups, friendship breakups, no money

<v Speaker 1>in my bank account. Like I am still having to

<v Speaker 1>live in this world again. While balancing being this perfection.

<v Speaker 1>So I think for me, like, it just created this

<v Speaker 1>sense of confusion where I just felt like I wasn't,

<v Speaker 1>I don't know, I wasn't nurturing my.

<v Speaker 2>Personal self, if that makes sense. Yes.

<v Speaker 1>Because I felt like, I don't know, even my friends,

<v Speaker 1>even people that I went to school with, they still

<v Speaker 1>saw the pageant girl in me. They weren't, they didn't

<v Speaker 1>really see Andrea for Andrea. So even with friends, like,

<v Speaker 1>I still feel like I needed to, like, perform and stuff. Right.

<v Speaker 2>Sorry, go back to your question. I kind of went

<v Speaker 2>out of my way.

<v Speaker 3>I was saying separating your accomplishments from your identity. But

<v Speaker 3>I think that does make sense because if everyone else

<v Speaker 3>is seeing you achieve all this success as well, that's

<v Speaker 3>who you become.

<v Speaker 2>Yes.

<v Speaker 1>Oh, my gosh. And also, yes, actually, it's great that

<v Speaker 1>you mentioned this because I'm really funny. I am extremely funny. But, like,

<v Speaker 1>I felt like for the longest time I couldn't be

<v Speaker 1>funny because I just had to be so perfect.

<v Speaker 2>Yes, I know what you mean. And I live in this, like.

<v Speaker 1>thing even with my friends and stuff and also people

<v Speaker 1>had this perception of me again people had this perception

<v Speaker 1>of me that i had money because i always looked

<v Speaker 1>good they had this perception of me that this and

<v Speaker 1>that and so i felt like because that's what they

<v Speaker 1>had perceived of me that's what i constantly have to

<v Speaker 1>show up as even though it wasn't really me like

<v Speaker 1>i work as a tv host now i i i

<v Speaker 1>was miss new york usa and all of that stuff

<v Speaker 1>but actually when i started dating my fiance and my

<v Speaker 1>fiance is he is super popular like everybody knows him

<v Speaker 1>and loves him And he has a huge, huge, huge family.

<v Speaker 1>And when I first, he first started bringing me around,

<v Speaker 1>I would have really bad social anxiety. Because for the

<v Speaker 1>first time, I realized that I didn't want these people

<v Speaker 1>to see me as Miss New York USA.

<v Speaker 2>They knew I was Miss New York USA. And that's

<v Speaker 2>one of the first things they would say to me.

<v Speaker 2>Oh my gosh, you're Miss New York USA. Look at you,

<v Speaker 2>Miss New York USA.

<v Speaker 1>But for me, I'm like, no, I don't want to

<v Speaker 1>be known as just Miss New York USA. Because I

<v Speaker 1>have a whole personality and interests and stories of just Andrea.

<v Speaker 1>And I became really socially anxious because I felt like

<v Speaker 1>they just expected perfection. And also not even just that,

<v Speaker 1>but like, I am the biggest um introverted extrovert.

<v Speaker 2>Ever yeah I feel you I can.

<v Speaker 1>Talk and I love people but like I need a

<v Speaker 1>moment I need a moment but also I need to

<v Speaker 1>feel comfortable unless um obviously pageants are a little bit

<v Speaker 1>different because even if I don't feel comfortable I know

<v Speaker 1>how to perform but But now I look at someone

<v Speaker 1>who means so much to me and he's bringing me

<v Speaker 1>into this world where these people mean a lot to me.

<v Speaker 2>I didn't want to perform.

<v Speaker 1>I really wanted them to get to know me for me.

<v Speaker 1>But again, they just had this perception and I felt

<v Speaker 1>like I still had to live up to that perception.

<v Speaker 1>I'd be just there at the table and I would

<v Speaker 1>just be listening to everybody. And again, now knowing when

<v Speaker 1>to really speak and all of a sudden now I

<v Speaker 1>come off as rude or this or that. And it

<v Speaker 1>really took a toll on me because I was like...

<v Speaker 1>I'm just not this Miss New York all the time.

<v Speaker 2>Because that's not really who I am.

<v Speaker 4>I'm not.

<v Speaker 2>I'm messy. I'm not organized.

<v Speaker 1>I like my favorite thing to do in the world

<v Speaker 1>is sit on the couch with my bonnet on and watch.

<v Speaker 2>TV or read a book.

<v Speaker 1>Like I like I'm sorry, like growing up in New York,

<v Speaker 1>especially going out to the clubs like my friends would

<v Speaker 1>have to literally bully me to go out. But I'd

<v Speaker 1>much rather like play games with my friends than then

<v Speaker 1>go out to the club and.

<v Speaker 2>Stuff like that.

<v Speaker 1>So, again, but because that's what they expected out of me,

<v Speaker 1>that's what I felt like I had to always give.

<v Speaker 2>That makes so much sense. And I think that I

<v Speaker 2>immediately was able to identify, like, okay, I think we

<v Speaker 2>might have more in common. Yeah, yeah. Because I'm the same.

<v Speaker 3>Like, I remember when I was in my 20s, I

<v Speaker 3>was 21 years old.

<v Speaker 2>I was already, like, done going out, I feel like. Like,

<v Speaker 2>I still went out because that's what you do. Right, right. But, like,

<v Speaker 2>my friend was getting me a... sign and a table

<v Speaker 2>here and here. And I was like, I actually would

<v Speaker 2>rather sleep.

<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

<v Speaker 3>Because I need to just like relax, but also the

<v Speaker 3>biggest introvert extrovert. I felt that so deeply because I

<v Speaker 3>need to charge, but also to your point, I do

<v Speaker 3>need to feel comfortable.

<v Speaker 2>Yes.

<v Speaker 3>I do find that Some people, it turns into this

<v Speaker 3>performative outgoingness.

<v Speaker 2>Hey, how's it going? Like, trying to be the biggest personality.

<v Speaker 2>I'm not. Me neither.

<v Speaker 3>If the environment does not match, like, make me feel comfortable,

<v Speaker 3>I'm not going to be myself at all. I'm going

<v Speaker 3>to be completely shut down. That actually happened to me

<v Speaker 3>last week. I did not feel comfortable where I was.

<v Speaker 3>And I just, like, retreated into myself. And I actually

<v Speaker 3>wanted to leave.

<v Speaker 2>Because.

<v Speaker 3>It just was not an environment that I felt like

<v Speaker 3>I could like really flourish in socially either. Which is

<v Speaker 3>so funny because I feel like sometimes at these events,

<v Speaker 3>I find that in the media space period, like sometimes

<v Speaker 3>I feel like it's just such catty energy sometimes.

<v Speaker 2>And I don't get it because it's a shul event.

<v Speaker 3>We're supposed to socialize and we're not, the environment is

<v Speaker 3>not conducive to being so shul.

<v Speaker 2>And it always confuses me. Like maybe it's more, in

<v Speaker 2>the influencer world maybe than like the mainstream media world

<v Speaker 2>sort of thing.

<v Speaker 3>But it is something that I did honestly assess I

<v Speaker 3>am curious I'm a little nosy though actually okay how

<v Speaker 3>did you meet your fiance.

<v Speaker 2>Okay so um Oh, God. I thank God for him.

<v Speaker 2>He's amazing. I have gone through so much with boys.

<v Speaker 2>Maybe we can get into all of that.

<v Speaker 1>No, we have to get into all of that. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>so basically, he... I was on Raya.

<v Speaker 2>Okay, so I had.

<v Speaker 1>Okay, so first of all, I've always liked nice guys.

<v Speaker 2>Yes.

<v Speaker 1>I've never been into the athlete bad boy. Like, have

<v Speaker 1>I talked to some and gone on a date and

<v Speaker 1>made out with some?

<v Speaker 2>Sure.

<v Speaker 1>But, like, I've never actually wanted to date bad guys. Because, like, I'm...

<v Speaker 1>I'm very sensitive and I also grew up with a

<v Speaker 1>great dad. Like I have such.

<v Speaker 2>A male figure. I had such a great, like my

<v Speaker 2>dad's amazing. Like love my dad so much.

<v Speaker 1>So I feel like I never had like that daddy

<v Speaker 1>trauma or anything.

<v Speaker 2>So I always liked nice guys or funny guys or whatever.

<v Speaker 1>But that didn't mean that they weren't broke and had

<v Speaker 1>other issues with that. But I also learned how to

<v Speaker 1>love myself. So I remember after my friend Chesley passed,

<v Speaker 1>and I was like, I went into therapy.

<v Speaker 2>So I had therapy. I was in a relationship at

<v Speaker 2>this time. And great guy. Don't have anything negative to

<v Speaker 2>say about him. But I was not in love. Like,

<v Speaker 2>at all.

<v Speaker 1>So not even just in love, but like, I took

<v Speaker 1>a backseat in that relationship. He was like, He was like,

<v Speaker 1>he's like in the industry. Like he was like in theater,

<v Speaker 1>like all of this stuff.

<v Speaker 2>Right. And I take it back to you. So anyway,

<v Speaker 2>so I'm in therapy.

<v Speaker 1>My therapist, like after a while, I was like, okay,

<v Speaker 1>I'm not happy in this relationship. Like she really, really

<v Speaker 1>helped me make a lot of decisions in my life.

<v Speaker 1>Like we were supposed to move to LA. We had

<v Speaker 1>a flight booked.

<v Speaker 2>We had an apartment. Oh, we got to talk. Yeah.

<v Speaker 2>And all of a sudden I will, I will never forget.

<v Speaker 1>I wake up on a Thursday morning, mind you his

<v Speaker 1>bed and I was like, it was like, God just

<v Speaker 1>told me. It was like, Andrea, you need to leave

<v Speaker 1>this relationship and you are not moving to LA. And

<v Speaker 1>I thought about it, thought about it. And then, yeah,

<v Speaker 1>I had finally had like the courage and the bravery

<v Speaker 1>to like end things with him. And discovered myself that summer. Like,

<v Speaker 1>I started dating around all of this stuff, getting to

<v Speaker 1>know myself. And then I was on Raya, funny enough.

<v Speaker 1>And for those of you that are not familiar, Raya

<v Speaker 1>is a dating app. But I wasn't really on it

<v Speaker 1>like that. Like, I was on Raya, but I wasn't

<v Speaker 1>about it. Because, I don't know, there's something just so

<v Speaker 1>not real about Raya. Like, people just go on there just.

<v Speaker 2>to make themselves feel good and to get compliments. I swear. Pause.

<v Speaker 2>So you got the referral code or you got yours?

<v Speaker 2>I'm not, I'm not on it anymore.

<v Speaker 1>No, no, no, no.

<v Speaker 2>Oh, oh, I was like, receive it yourself. I was like, wow.

<v Speaker 3>No, what I'm saying is you had gotten a referral

<v Speaker 3>code or did you just get on by yourself?

<v Speaker 2>One of my friends used to work for Raya, but

<v Speaker 2>I just got on. Oh, my God. Being Miss New

<v Speaker 2>York helped. Yeah, that helped.

<v Speaker 3>Because I was like, I've gotten into every app. Raya's

<v Speaker 3>the one app.

<v Speaker 2>You're not missing out on anything, girl. Yeah, I don't

<v Speaker 2>think at this point I am.

<v Speaker 1>You are not missing out on anything, unless it's entertainment.

<v Speaker 1>If you want to be entertained, then go on Raya.

<v Speaker 1>But if you're actually looking for love, then don't.

<v Speaker 2>No, I'm good.

<v Speaker 1>So anyway, so he saw my profile on there. He

<v Speaker 1>messaged me on there. I never see it. So then

<v Speaker 1>he doubles down. He messages me on.

<v Speaker 2>Instagram.

<v Speaker 1>I'm out on a lunch date with my friend where,

<v Speaker 1>I don't know, a couple lines in at this point.

<v Speaker 1>And I just like pick up my phone and I

<v Speaker 1>just like go through my messages and I go through

<v Speaker 1>my requests and then I go through my spam and there,

<v Speaker 1>at the top of my spam, there's a message from

<v Speaker 1>this guy named Mario. And I will never forget, I

<v Speaker 1>clicked the message and it was like, hey Andrea, I

<v Speaker 1>saw your profile on Raya. I think you're really beautiful

<v Speaker 1>and I think we'd really get along. I'd love to

<v Speaker 1>take you out sometime. That was what my friend said.

<v Speaker 2>And I was like, who's this guy? You wouldn't know me.

<v Speaker 2>What do you mean you think we're going to get along?

<v Speaker 1>Because again, at this point, I'm seeing love from such

<v Speaker 1>a place.

<v Speaker 2>I've always believed in love.

<v Speaker 1>So even after everything I've been through in relationships, I've

<v Speaker 1>always been a lover girl. I've always believed in fairy tale,

<v Speaker 1>like Prince Charming, that kind of Disney love. Even though

<v Speaker 1>I had never really seen it, I still believed in it.

<v Speaker 2>And so my friend was like, you should reply, you

<v Speaker 2>should reply. And I'm like, okay.

<v Speaker 1>And I'm like, hey, tell me about yourself. And completely just, like,

<v Speaker 1>ignored kind of what he said. It's kind of rude

<v Speaker 1>of me. And he sent, like, a really nice pitch. Anyway,

<v Speaker 1>long story short, a week, a week and a half later,

<v Speaker 1>we went on our first date. And mind you, we

<v Speaker 1>had been texting, and I still wasn't really interested.

<v Speaker 2>Because I.

<v Speaker 1>Because he was on Instagram, but he wasn't really on Instagram,

<v Speaker 1>so all his photos were, like, from five years prior.

<v Speaker 1>I couldn't really tell how he really looked like.

<v Speaker 2>Yeah. So I was like, oh, okay, whatever. I went

<v Speaker 2>on a date.

<v Speaker 1>I remember it was raining, and I was leaving an event,

<v Speaker 1>and I was like, hey, like, it's raining today, blah, blah, blah.

<v Speaker 1>And he's like, okay, like, I'll have it moved closer

<v Speaker 1>to your event. So he moved the restaurant to be

<v Speaker 1>closer to my event so I wouldn't have to go

<v Speaker 1>too far.

<v Speaker 2>Yeah. So sweet. So it was love at first sight. Like, immediately,

<v Speaker 2>he walked in through the door before we even said anything.

<v Speaker 2>I was like, that's my husband.

<v Speaker 1>Oh, my.

<v Speaker 2>I just knew.

<v Speaker 1>The entire time, our dinner was at 8, the restaurant closed,

<v Speaker 1>I want to say like 11, 1130. I remember our

<v Speaker 1>waiter came and he was like, did you guys not

<v Speaker 1>enjoy the food? Because we did not eat anything. We

<v Speaker 1>just talked the entire time. And then we went to

<v Speaker 1>a bar after and we talked some more. And then

<v Speaker 1>a week later, I said, I love you.

<v Speaker 2>Not even a full week.

<v Speaker 1>Maybe five days later, I said I love you.

<v Speaker 2>Wait, you said it first? Yes, girl, I said it first.

<v Speaker 2>It just came out.

<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah. And then the first time he said it,

<v Speaker 1>because I think he just felt kind of, like, awkward.

<v Speaker 1>And then the second time I said it again, like,

<v Speaker 1>literally the next day, and then he didn't say it.

<v Speaker 1>And then he was like, well, like, I just want

<v Speaker 1>to make sure that, like, when I say it, like,

<v Speaker 1>it's really real.

<v Speaker 2>Which I get, rightfully, like, I get.

<v Speaker 1>Yeah. But for me, and then I cried because he

<v Speaker 1>didn't say I love you back. When we talk about crying,

<v Speaker 1>I always cry on brands. But I'm very, I'm deeply intuitive.

<v Speaker 1>That's something that's always been true about me. Like when I,

<v Speaker 1>which again, going on the LA thing, I don't control

<v Speaker 1>my intuition. But when my intuition speaks, I always listen

<v Speaker 1>to it.

<v Speaker 2>Me too. And so I just knew. So I was like, okay,

<v Speaker 2>I don't care, whatever.

<v Speaker 1>But yeah, our love story, we've been together now for

<v Speaker 1>four years. We just celebrated our four year anniversary together. Um,

<v Speaker 1>but our, and now we're engaged, but we broke up.

<v Speaker 2>We broke up. Oh my gosh. The plot thickens. The

<v Speaker 2>plot thickens.

<v Speaker 1>We were living together. And again, talk about just crazy.

<v Speaker 1>We were living together and I was going through a lot.

<v Speaker 1>I was in some of my most, cause this was

<v Speaker 1>a time in my life where like, again, I'm dating

<v Speaker 1>someone that's really successful.

<v Speaker 2>He is truly a gem.

<v Speaker 1>Like I, like that fairytale love, that Disney love, that's

<v Speaker 1>my life. that is truly my life and I and

<v Speaker 1>we say to each other all the time we're like

<v Speaker 1>do you know that not everyone gets to experience this.

<v Speaker 2>Kind of love?

<v Speaker 1>Even people that are married, even people that are married

<v Speaker 1>20 years, 30 years with kids, they don't have the

<v Speaker 1>kind of love that we do. Because it's just so genuine.

<v Speaker 1>It's so real. It's so warm. It's so safe.

<v Speaker 2>It's so, like, the things that we argue. No, it's

<v Speaker 2>not to say it's perfect. Like, it's definitely not perfect.

<v Speaker 1>But the things that we argue about sometimes, we'll just, like,

<v Speaker 1>laugh at each other. And we'll be like, I can't

<v Speaker 1>believe we're arguing about this.

<v Speaker 2>Because there's nothing else to argue about. Because there's nothing

<v Speaker 2>else to argue about. Of course, that's your person. He

<v Speaker 2>is my person through and through. And again, aside from

<v Speaker 2>just being my person, he's just an incredible human being.

<v Speaker 2>So smart.

<v Speaker 1>So kind i was doing like this q a the

<v Speaker 1>other day on um on instagram and someone was like

<v Speaker 1>oh just like and they like sent them a message

<v Speaker 1>and they're like oh yeah like i went to high

<v Speaker 1>school with your fiancee funny enough and i and i

<v Speaker 1>literally go i was like what's the tea like in

<v Speaker 1>the reply like just being joking yeah whatever at least

<v Speaker 1>she actually ends up messaging me she's like oh this

<v Speaker 1>is so funny like the only tea is that like

<v Speaker 1>he's he was always an incredibly kind person So he's

<v Speaker 1>a great human being.

<v Speaker 2>So, oh, I'm so lucky.

<v Speaker 1>But yeah, but kind of going back to the, it

<v Speaker 1>was rough because, you know why?

<v Speaker 2>Because I had so much unlearning to do.

<v Speaker 1>And because he was so perfect, dare I say, I think.

<v Speaker 2>It mirrored all of the insecurities.

<v Speaker 1>It mirrored all of the things that I had to

<v Speaker 1>work on, especially because of pageants. it mirrored a lot

<v Speaker 1>of the inner childhood trauma that I had that I

<v Speaker 1>didn't know I I like I went through a whole

<v Speaker 1>again after Miss New York after Miss New York USA

<v Speaker 1>I went through this whole thing of finding myself girl

<v Speaker 1>week after Miss New York I went to the the

<v Speaker 1>hair salon and I was like make me make me

<v Speaker 1>blonde okay because I just wanted something dramatic didn't last

<v Speaker 1>very long um but I I just had to find

<v Speaker 1>myself because I didn't know who I was outside of

<v Speaker 1>Miss New York in a sense like Who is Andrea

<v Speaker 1>Jabow outside of being Miss New York USA?

<v Speaker 2>Because that's what I led with. I'm Andrea Jabow. I'm

<v Speaker 2>Miss New York USA.

<v Speaker 1>Now that I don't have that anymore because there's a

<v Speaker 1>new Miss New York USA, I can't keep saying that

<v Speaker 1>like that. And so not only finding myself, but also

<v Speaker 1>what do I want to do with my life? Like

<v Speaker 1>all of these things are coming at me on top of, again,

<v Speaker 1>just being in a relationship with someone that is so

<v Speaker 1>healthy and who didn't grow up with childhood trauma.

<v Speaker 2>Like he grew up.

<v Speaker 1>Like very well off and with parents who, you know,

<v Speaker 1>had really great jobs. And when his mom was a

<v Speaker 1>stay at home mom, very, very great, like parent who

<v Speaker 1>was always there for him, showed up to everything for

<v Speaker 1>him where like, I didn't have parents like that. Not

<v Speaker 1>because again, they didn't want to, but because they didn't

<v Speaker 1>have to, because they had other.

<v Speaker 2>Things that came first.

<v Speaker 1>And because of that, like, again, he, again, we, we

<v Speaker 1>talked to her because again, his, his whole thing was like,

<v Speaker 1>he wasn't, as communicative as he should have been because

<v Speaker 1>he didn't want to hurt my feelings. But I was

<v Speaker 1>bringing down the relationship. Like, I was so depressed. And, again,

<v Speaker 1>dealing now with social anxiety because every time I would

<v Speaker 1>go out with one of his friends and family, which

<v Speaker 1>was literally every day because he had so much things.

<v Speaker 2>It was like this baby shower and this and that

<v Speaker 2>and this. It was constant.

<v Speaker 1>And I felt like I still had to perform. It

<v Speaker 1>also was taking a toll on me. And, like, he

<v Speaker 1>didn't really understand it either because, again, like, people didn't understand, like,

<v Speaker 1>what do you mean you have social anxiety and you

<v Speaker 1>were missing York, USA? Like, that doesn't make any sense

<v Speaker 1>to me, which I get. And so anyway, it came

<v Speaker 1>to a point and then I got trafficked in Paris.

<v Speaker 1>And so it came to a point that I got back.

<v Speaker 1>I almost got trafficked. And I got back and he

<v Speaker 1>was like, yeah, like, I'm just like, I don't know

<v Speaker 1>what it is.

<v Speaker 2>He's like, I love you so much, but I'm not happy.

<v Speaker 2>And I'm like, and because again, I'm such a pivot person.

<v Speaker 2>And I, I was like, okay, all right, we're done. Goodbye.

<v Speaker 2>I'm like, okay. And then he was like, no, no, no.

<v Speaker 1>Like, I don't, I don't know if I want to

<v Speaker 1>break up. And I'm like, okay, well, I'm going to

<v Speaker 1>go back home to my parents.

<v Speaker 2>While you figure it out.

<v Speaker 1>And two days later he calls me and he was

<v Speaker 1>just like, Hey, like I've been just thinking, like, I'm

<v Speaker 1>just not sure what to do. And like, at this point,

<v Speaker 1>like we've been trying to like figure it out, but

<v Speaker 1>it was mostly a me thing. Um, it really was.

<v Speaker 1>And I feel like I don't know, people don't, again,

<v Speaker 1>I'm very self-aware, so I know when I am in

<v Speaker 1>the wrong, and I have no problem being like, I'm

<v Speaker 1>in the wrong, and I very much was in the wrong,

<v Speaker 1>because I wasn't going about dealing with them in a

<v Speaker 1>good way, and I also, like, didn't grow up with, like,

<v Speaker 1>the best healthy communication style, so, like, I just shut down. Yeah.

<v Speaker 2>So instead of asking for help or bringing things up, like,

<v Speaker 2>I just shut down, like, I'll ice you out.

<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Because at the end of the day, like I

<v Speaker 1>always felt to a certain extent that all I had

<v Speaker 1>was me, which is true because no one was coming

<v Speaker 1>to save the day growing up for me. Like no one,

<v Speaker 1>not my parents, no one. If I had a bad day,

<v Speaker 1>no one was coming to help me out. Like I

<v Speaker 1>had to pick myself up.

<v Speaker 4>Right.

<v Speaker 2>So I was like, all right, well, he calls me.

<v Speaker 2>And he was like, I just.

<v Speaker 1>Think it's best that we, before he even finished his sentence,

<v Speaker 1>I was like, okay, I'm gonna go get my stuff tomorrow.

<v Speaker 2>I'd rather you not be home.

<v Speaker 1>He actually was, come to find out, which is gonna

<v Speaker 1>make the story so funny after, because I struggled so

<v Speaker 1>hard after, but he was gonna let me stay in

<v Speaker 1>the apartment and go up to Westchester and stay with

<v Speaker 1>his parents and pay for the rent.

<v Speaker 2>In the apartment and let me stay in the apartment but.

<v Speaker 1>I iced him out so fast i never let him

<v Speaker 1>get to that and then immediately i deleted like 14

<v Speaker 1>000 photos and videos because for me if i'm going

<v Speaker 1>to remove you from.

<v Speaker 4>My life i mean you're done you're done like you

<v Speaker 4>cease to exist yeah okay so i remember immediately i

<v Speaker 4>deleted every single photo i was so angry i was

<v Speaker 4>so hurt i was so confused because i'm like this

<v Speaker 4>was my husband like no matter how like the time

<v Speaker 4>that at like, I guess the first part of our

<v Speaker 4>relationship where I was so, I was going through so much.

<v Speaker 1>Like I still, I never felt like he wasn't my person,

<v Speaker 1>like ever. Like I still felt like that's my husband.

<v Speaker 4>Right.

<v Speaker 1>And, um, I went and I remember my little sister,

<v Speaker 1>she's 12. She like drove with me from Boston to

<v Speaker 1>New York, um, packed up, you know, my car with

<v Speaker 1>some of my.

<v Speaker 2>Belongings, like left a lot of the stuff there and yeah.

<v Speaker 2>And then I blocked him. Um, I cried.

<v Speaker 1>I lost like 25 pounds. I was so skinny. I

<v Speaker 1>was back in mind you my entire life. Well, from

<v Speaker 1>when I moved to New York at 18. I'd always

<v Speaker 1>been very independent.

<v Speaker 2>And you know, like, on my own. And now here

<v Speaker 2>I am back in my parents house.

<v Speaker 1>And I think I was like, 28 or something.

<v Speaker 2>29, something like the 28.

<v Speaker 1>And And I ended up at my parents' house because

<v Speaker 1>I was broke. Because I, that was also another thing

<v Speaker 1>that I really had to learn because I was such

<v Speaker 1>a people pleaser. And every time I was in relationships,

<v Speaker 1>which sometimes I think to myself, I'm like, what would

<v Speaker 1>my life be if I didn't put the guys that

<v Speaker 1>I were dating first?

<v Speaker 2>I always put people above me. Like if I only

<v Speaker 2>had $ 100 left and you needed $ 99. I'm going to

<v Speaker 2>give you the $ 99. And I did that a lot.

<v Speaker 1>And because I, instead of shooting content, because at this time,

<v Speaker 1>content creating was my full-time job as well. That was

<v Speaker 1>literally what I did. I had to manage a full-time job.

<v Speaker 1>I wasn't hosting really at this point here and there,

<v Speaker 1>but content creating was my bread and butter.

<v Speaker 2>That is literally how I made money.

<v Speaker 1>But because I was going to all of these events

<v Speaker 1>with his family and friends all the time, and I

<v Speaker 1>didn't want, because again, like these are, These are people

<v Speaker 1>not in the industry, like none of them are in

<v Speaker 1>the industry. And they look at me and they're like, oh,

<v Speaker 1>the last thing that I want is me having my

<v Speaker 1>phone out. Like even me being on my phone to

<v Speaker 1>like look up something and be like, oh, and she's

<v Speaker 1>on her phone a lot. She's like, you know, so

<v Speaker 1>I became just very self-aware of what other people were

<v Speaker 1>perceiving me as constantly. And that's really what like made

<v Speaker 1>me really depressed. because it was a constant like how

<v Speaker 1>am I coming off right so um so yeah so

<v Speaker 1>anyway we ended up like not talking and then I

<v Speaker 1>cried for like a month straight and then I was

<v Speaker 1>like once again here I am I gotta pick myself

<v Speaker 1>back up which I had done at this point I

<v Speaker 1>had I've had to pick myself back up from traumatic

<v Speaker 1>things in my life so many times so this was

<v Speaker 1>but this was the point though that I was like

<v Speaker 1>over it I was so so angry and I was

<v Speaker 1>so angry at him because it's like how could you

<v Speaker 1>make me believe that and then like here I am

<v Speaker 1>right again not knowing that he was gonna let me

<v Speaker 1>stay at the apartment because now here I am living

<v Speaker 1>at my parents house in Massachusetts and I'm having to

<v Speaker 1>come to New York you know for content creator events

<v Speaker 1>or this and that like if I'm not coming to

<v Speaker 1>the events and like I'm not you know because it's

<v Speaker 1>like such a social part of that and I did

<v Speaker 1>but also I think at that time it allowed me

<v Speaker 1>to really put myself first And that's one of the

<v Speaker 1>greatest gifts I was able to give myself was putting

<v Speaker 1>myself first. I made the most within that span of

<v Speaker 1>three months when we were broken up, I made the

<v Speaker 1>most amount of money I had made in like a

<v Speaker 1>year of us, like the prior. And I, my, that's

<v Speaker 1>when my hosting career started really, really taking off.

<v Speaker 2>Wow.

<v Speaker 1>And I was pouring into myself and I was like

<v Speaker 1>dating around too, but I wasn't dating for love. Like

<v Speaker 1>I was just dating because I feel like I was

<v Speaker 1>just trying to fill a void and cause I was angry.

<v Speaker 1>And my birthday's– we broke up in April. My birthday's

<v Speaker 1>in August. So guess who got a happy birthday text? Well,

<v Speaker 1>I had– well, that's why I had unblocked him because

<v Speaker 1>one of my really– one of my best friends to

<v Speaker 1>this day, Alexandria, she's really good friends with him. That's

<v Speaker 1>how I met her because her and her husband are

<v Speaker 1>friends with him. Oh.

<v Speaker 2>So– She was, like, my one connection with him while

<v Speaker 2>we were broken up.

<v Speaker 1>And she was like, hey, like, you know, he's really,

<v Speaker 1>really sad. Like, he's been in therapy. Like, he's this

<v Speaker 1>and that. Meanwhile, I'm here, like, living it up and

<v Speaker 1>going on dates and doing all these things, making all

<v Speaker 1>these money.

<v Speaker 2>Like, he was miserable.

<v Speaker 1>He was so, so sad and really depressed, you know.

<v Speaker 2>Well, I mean, um, but so then, so then she

<v Speaker 2>was like, you know, like you should like, I don't

<v Speaker 2>think you need to block him. I'm like, all right, fine.

<v Speaker 1>So like, I remember going home that night and I

<v Speaker 1>went back to my hotel that night cause I was

<v Speaker 1>in New York and I was like, all right, like,

<v Speaker 1>let me unblock him. So I unblocked him and what,

<v Speaker 1>two weeks after, yeah, he sent me a happy birthday

<v Speaker 1>text and he's like, I want to talk.

<v Speaker 2>And I was like, okay. But this time around, I went.

<v Speaker 1>Into it with a whole different perspective because I felt

<v Speaker 1>like I had healed so much of the things and

<v Speaker 1>did a lot of um just like reflection self-reflection which

<v Speaker 1>I finally I feel like I didn't have a chance

<v Speaker 1>to do that but yeah being back home at your

<v Speaker 1>parents' house.

<v Speaker 2>In their attic. Will humble you.

<v Speaker 1>Because it will humble you very quickly. And having to

<v Speaker 1>literally start, I remember I had zero money in my account.

<v Speaker 1>And I remember I'm like, how am I going to

<v Speaker 1>go to New York with zero dollars in my account?

<v Speaker 1>And again, like my parents weren't giving me this money.

<v Speaker 1>And I remember I booked, this girl booked me for

<v Speaker 1>a virtual walking lesson for like a pageant girl and

<v Speaker 1>some styling.

<v Speaker 2>And I remember I got paid like $ 1, 500. Okay.

<v Speaker 1>And my account went from being like negative 20 to

<v Speaker 1>like $ 1, 500, right?

<v Speaker 2>Or minus a 20, I guess.

<v Speaker 1>And that's how I was able to come to New

<v Speaker 1>York to set up meetings for things. And then the

<v Speaker 1>money just started growing because then I would get booked

<v Speaker 1>for this and that and this and that. And then

<v Speaker 1>I booked a big event and I got paid $ 10, 000.

<v Speaker 2>Oh. Yeah.

<v Speaker 1>Okay.

<v Speaker 2>Yes. Right.

<v Speaker 1>And I think... Because I had this sense now of

<v Speaker 1>independence where I didn't have to rely on him. Because

<v Speaker 1>before I was in paying rent, I was just relying

<v Speaker 1>on him for everything. And I got back to a

<v Speaker 1>place of like, no, this is who you are.

<v Speaker 2>This is like, you know, whatever.

<v Speaker 1>So I went into this now sense of when we

<v Speaker 1>met up again with a whole different perspective. On who

<v Speaker 1>I was and what I wanted out of the relationship,

<v Speaker 1>my style of communicating and all of that stuff. And

<v Speaker 1>I was like, I'm not going to say yes to

<v Speaker 1>being your girlfriend until, like, we actually know that we can, like,

<v Speaker 1>changes are made. Because not only that, but, like, when

<v Speaker 1>I become sad again or whatever, like, I want you

<v Speaker 1>to be able to communicate with me. But also, like,

<v Speaker 1>I want to be able to know that, like, actually,

<v Speaker 1>because you don't think you're healed until you're tested.

<v Speaker 2>Right.

<v Speaker 1>Because you can sit there all day in your room

<v Speaker 1>by yourself or talk to a friend like I'm healed

<v Speaker 1>I'm healed until you're actually challenged and so I was

<v Speaker 1>like you know what let's see what the challenges are

<v Speaker 1>and see how we deal with it and so we

<v Speaker 1>didn't actually be he didn't he had to ask me

<v Speaker 1>to be his girlfriend again because I was like no

<v Speaker 1>and he didn't do that until I want to say

<v Speaker 1>like end of October so all of August all of

<v Speaker 1>September all of three months we were dating again and

<v Speaker 1>we were like rediscovering this new version of ourselves because

<v Speaker 1>he had also been in therapy that entire three months

<v Speaker 1>we were broken up he was in therapy every single

<v Speaker 1>week so he had also worked on himself and then

<v Speaker 1>yeah and literally we have just been rock solid ever

<v Speaker 1>since i could cry and i always say i'm like

<v Speaker 1>our breakup was the best thing to ever happen to

<v Speaker 1>me yeah and one of the best things to ever

<v Speaker 1>happen to us that yeah and it's so funny when

<v Speaker 1>people when we broke up and people were like what

<v Speaker 1>happened I'm like I don't know it'd be so much

<v Speaker 1>easier for me to say like he cheated or whatever

<v Speaker 1>but I'm like I don't know like I don't know

<v Speaker 1>but it's a part of our story and I think

<v Speaker 1>it just you know God just needed to shake me

<v Speaker 1>up a little bit for me to have me lock

<v Speaker 1>lock in because now it's different because now when I'm

<v Speaker 1>around his friends and family if I'm like oh I

<v Speaker 1>need to shoot this outfit I'm like all right babe

<v Speaker 1>let's come to this corner like let me shoot this

<v Speaker 1>outfit and then I can be present and all of

<v Speaker 1>that stuff right so now we've we're able to make

<v Speaker 1>it work I love this.

<v Speaker 3>What I'm sensing too is like you found your strong

<v Speaker 3>sense of identity where it's like, all right, since this

<v Speaker 3>is what I do, it does need to be taken.

<v Speaker 2>Serious and prioritized.

<v Speaker 3>So I'm not going to feel shame about, first of all,

<v Speaker 3>something that I have to do for work, even if

<v Speaker 3>that looks different to what everyone else is doing. And

<v Speaker 3>I think on one hand now- People are more socially

<v Speaker 3>acceptable of, you know, content creation.

<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah.

<v Speaker 2>Yes, it's uncomfortable to walk in the street and be like,

<v Speaker 2>let's take out my eyebrows wax. Like, you know what

<v Speaker 2>I mean? Like, it is awkward.

<v Speaker 3>But when you lock in as a woman and you

<v Speaker 3>start to realize no one's coming to save me.

<v Speaker 2>I need to grind.

<v Speaker 3>It changes you where you now have grit and you're like,

<v Speaker 3>I don't care who I'm doing this in front of,

<v Speaker 3>this needs to get done.

<v Speaker 2>So it removes that insecurity and that shame.

<v Speaker 3>And so I think I'm very fascinated because a lot

<v Speaker 3>of what I talk about now, I think when I

<v Speaker 3>first started my channel, I was talking a lot about,

<v Speaker 3>you need to be with a man that's going to

<v Speaker 3>be a provider. That message still stands. But I think

<v Speaker 3>the nuance to what I've added into my content now

<v Speaker 3>is that you have to make something.

<v Speaker 2>On your own too. Yes. For many, many reasons.

<v Speaker 3>And I think your beautiful story just proves that, that

<v Speaker 3>once you started to have a little, no one.

<v Speaker 2>Said you better be a millionaire, you better start matching

<v Speaker 2>his income.

<v Speaker 3>But the fact that you began to have your own

<v Speaker 3>thing going, whatever that means for you, it changed the

<v Speaker 3>dynamic because it gave you a sense of, Freedom, identity,

<v Speaker 3>and purpose. As opposed to, yes, we all want the

<v Speaker 3>guy that has the money, but do you really want

<v Speaker 3>to be calling him and saying, hey, can you please

<v Speaker 3>load up my card? Can you Apple Cash me so

<v Speaker 3>I can go get a coffee? So I can go

<v Speaker 3>buy this pillow at HomeGoods?

<v Speaker 2>Not necessarily. You know what I mean? And even if

<v Speaker 2>you do, at least you know you got a little

<v Speaker 2>son in the back. There is a difference.

<v Speaker 3>So I always, what I try to preach now is

<v Speaker 3>that a soft life is a life of options.

<v Speaker 2>That is the soft life.

<v Speaker 3>It's not having the wealthy guy and you have nothing

<v Speaker 3>going on.

<v Speaker 2>No purpose for yourself.

<v Speaker 3>And this is why we have the real housewife phenomenon where, yeah,

<v Speaker 3>we're all watching the shows because they are entertaining, but

<v Speaker 3>those girls are working.

<v Speaker 2>And that's After a while, you get used to it.

<v Speaker 2>Do you watch Real Housewives of Miami? No. Okay. Well,

<v Speaker 2>basically there was this woman on there named Lisa Hochstein. Okay.

<v Speaker 3>And so she was married to a plastic surgeon. And he,

<v Speaker 3>after like 15 years of marriage, decides he wants to

<v Speaker 3>trade her in for.

<v Speaker 2>The next new model. Okay.

<v Speaker 3>And mind you, she's in great shape. However, she couldn't

<v Speaker 3>have children naturally. So they did go the IVF process.

<v Speaker 3>By now, they already have the two kids and everything,

<v Speaker 3>and he now wants to be with someone else and

<v Speaker 3>just randomly divorces her.

<v Speaker 2>Well, yeah. She claims that she did not see it

<v Speaker 2>happening at all. Yeah.

<v Speaker 3>And the point is, is like, she all of a

<v Speaker 3>sudden realized, basically at 40, oh my gosh, I can't

<v Speaker 3>pay for.

<v Speaker 2>Anything by myself.

<v Speaker 3>I have no means to do this. And hey, again,

<v Speaker 3>I'm pro being with a man that's a provider.

<v Speaker 2>Absolutely. But invest the money that he has.

<v Speaker 3>Do something with the money that he has to give

<v Speaker 3>yourself a cushion. Long gone are the days. where you

<v Speaker 3>can just blindly be with someone and have them take

<v Speaker 3>care of everything. Look at Teresa Giudice from Real Housewives

<v Speaker 3>of New Jersey.

<v Speaker 2>She apparently had no idea what Joe Giudice was doing

<v Speaker 2>with the, with, with.

<v Speaker 3>Like, I don't know, falsifying this and bankruptcy. And she

<v Speaker 3>had to pay the price for it in jail and

<v Speaker 3>in finances. So it's like very important that we not

<v Speaker 3>only stay informed, but that we do have something going

<v Speaker 3>for ourselves.

<v Speaker 2>And that's what's really going to change and help.

<v Speaker 3>To like give us purpose and shift our identity where

<v Speaker 3>we're not so focused on what he's doing and how

<v Speaker 3>he's perceiving us and all the different things. Like you're

<v Speaker 3>living proof the dynamic changes.

<v Speaker 2>Yes.

<v Speaker 3>When you really, really find yourself. And that must be

<v Speaker 3>like really difficult. I mean, we can speak off.

<v Speaker 2>Camera about that. But that, I don't know. I just,

<v Speaker 2>I really love that story. And what are the chances

<v Speaker 2>that you found such a gem on Raya's?

<v Speaker 1>So, and it's so funny because I do not want

<v Speaker 1>to give Raya credit. I do not want to give

<v Speaker 1>Raya credit.

<v Speaker 2>I really don't. Because I'm like, technically, I saw him

<v Speaker 2>first on Instagram, not on Raya. Oh, okay. Technically. Because

<v Speaker 2>I never saw him on the Raya app. Oh, okay. Okay.

<v Speaker 2>That makes sense.

<v Speaker 3>So, I want to say, just in closing as we

<v Speaker 3>wrap this up, what do you think success means for

<v Speaker 3>you today?

<v Speaker 2>Ooh, that's a good question.

<v Speaker 1>Um... Peace.

<v Speaker 2>Yes. Yeah.

<v Speaker 1>Especially as someone who, again, my entire life, I've just

<v Speaker 1>been in fight or flight mode my entire life.

<v Speaker 2>I've been struggling my entire life.

<v Speaker 1>Like I like now I am so grateful for the

<v Speaker 1>life that I live. Like I get to go home

<v Speaker 1>and I truly live.

<v Speaker 2>Such a peaceful life. Like I really do. Like I

<v Speaker 2>the group of friends that I have are great. Now

<v Speaker 2>getting there wasn't easy.

<v Speaker 1>Because like the group of friends that I have now

<v Speaker 1>are amazing, but I have had to do the really

<v Speaker 1>difficult job of ending friendships and breaking up with someone,

<v Speaker 1>breaking up with a girl and being like, hey, we

<v Speaker 1>can't be friends anymore, especially as a best friend for

<v Speaker 1>various reasons is really hard.

<v Speaker 2>And I've had to do that.

<v Speaker 1>A few times because I just realized that like where

<v Speaker 1>I wanted to go, these people couldn't be there.

<v Speaker 2>And I didn't want them there because of whatever.

<v Speaker 1>And also just, yeah, like having my own career, having

<v Speaker 1>my own money, having options, getting to like yesterday we

<v Speaker 1>woke up and we're like, let's just.

<v Speaker 2>Go get a massage. And we got a massage.

<v Speaker 1>Never in my life would I think I would just

<v Speaker 1>be able to get up and be able to just

<v Speaker 1>randomly go and afford an ab massage.

<v Speaker 2>So yeah, to me, success is just peace. And it's

<v Speaker 2>not success in just career. It's success.

<v Speaker 1>Within myself, success with like, you know, my like friends

<v Speaker 1>and like every part of my life. And it's something

<v Speaker 1>that like, it's going to continue to get better. But

<v Speaker 1>I also have, I know, I'm very self-aware to know

<v Speaker 1>that I also have to keep working on it because

<v Speaker 1>just because something is successful, peaceful right now, doesn't mean

<v Speaker 1>that it's going to stay that way.

<v Speaker 2>You actually, you actively have to keep doing that work.

<v Speaker 1>And that's something that I'm committed to.

<v Speaker 2>But Yeah, success to me just truly means.

<v Speaker 1>Peace, whatever it means for you, whether it's monetarily, like,

<v Speaker 1>you know, financially, having success and happiness. enough money to

<v Speaker 1>where you don't have to worry about money, you can

<v Speaker 1>go to a store and not have to check your

<v Speaker 1>bank account secretly.

<v Speaker 2>I'm like, put the brightness level down. You don't have

<v Speaker 2>to do that. We've all been there. Yeah. Like career

<v Speaker 2>wise where you feel like you can say no. Yeah.

<v Speaker 1>Like I can say no. You can offer me amount

<v Speaker 1>of money and I don't have to take it. I

<v Speaker 1>can say no or an opportunity.

<v Speaker 2>I can say no. So that's overarching what success means

<v Speaker 2>to me. I love that. That is beautiful. And I

<v Speaker 2>think I'm going to actually define it as the same thing, actually.

<v Speaker 3>So do you have any goals or aspirations for the future? Like,

<v Speaker 3>what does that look like for you? What's the next

<v Speaker 3>chapter and the next phase in your career for you?

<v Speaker 1>Yeah. so i mean right now i have actually been

<v Speaker 1>without i had an agent then i had to drop

<v Speaker 1>her i had a manager and then i had to

<v Speaker 1>drop her so my biggest thing i'm in such like

<v Speaker 1>a limbo mode in my career where i in order

<v Speaker 1>because i need representation i can't get like the hosting

<v Speaker 1>on netflix jobs right i mean granted especially now it's

<v Speaker 1>like more influencer or whatever but like i'm too big

<v Speaker 1>for like the jobs that i can get without a

<v Speaker 1>manager so i'm in such a weird limbo place um

<v Speaker 1>but i've I've stopped trying to put pressure on myself

<v Speaker 1>and figure it out.

<v Speaker 2>I think one of the things that I've learned is

<v Speaker 2>things will happen when it may. I mean, don't get

<v Speaker 2>me wrong. Like, am I kind of frustrated right now?

<v Speaker 2>Of course.

<v Speaker 1>But like, if I, I always say like, you can't

<v Speaker 1>connect the dots looking forward.

<v Speaker 2>You can only connect the dots looking backwards. So when

<v Speaker 2>you're looking backwards, you can be like, oh, right.

<v Speaker 1>That door closed so this could happen. This didn't happen,

<v Speaker 1>so this could happen. So that's how I literally live

<v Speaker 1>my life. When things don't work out, I'm like, right

<v Speaker 1>now I'm gonna be pissed and right now I'm not

<v Speaker 1>gonna understand it, but in the future I will. Like,

<v Speaker 1>when I was going through my breakup and I was

<v Speaker 1>back home in Brockton, Massachusetts in my parents' attic crying,

<v Speaker 1>thinking that my life was over because I was broke

<v Speaker 1>and the man that I loved broke up with me,

<v Speaker 1>you couldn't have, I would've never thought, right? But it

<v Speaker 1>was one of those things that, like, I had to

<v Speaker 1>remind myself, like, one day I'm going.

<v Speaker 2>To be really grateful for this. One day I'm going

<v Speaker 2>to be really grateful for this.

<v Speaker 1>And here I am, two years in the future, and

<v Speaker 1>I'm really grateful for it. I'm really grateful for those

<v Speaker 1>moments that I was in my parents' attic crying and

<v Speaker 1>trying to journal.

<v Speaker 2>And I'm not a journaler. But I was like, God,

<v Speaker 2>I don't know what to talk about right now. Just help.

<v Speaker 2>But I'm really grateful. And so that's how I try

<v Speaker 2>to go through life.

<v Speaker 1>So it's like whether good things happen or not or whatever,

<v Speaker 1>or just at least not having everything figured out because

<v Speaker 1>I know everything will fall the way that it needs to.

<v Speaker 3>That and so my last question for you is going

<v Speaker 3>to be how would you define being a quality queen

<v Speaker 3>because you know this podcast is called quality queen control

<v Speaker 3>what do you think your definition.

<v Speaker 1>Is my a quality queen a quality queen is someone

<v Speaker 1>who isn't intimidated by other people's success and yeah i

<v Speaker 1>i think that like a quality queen is someone who's

<v Speaker 1>a kind-hearted and good-hearted person Someone who just wants good

<v Speaker 1>for herself, but also wants good for the people around her.

<v Speaker 2>Wow. I mean, you just described me. Oh, I love it.

<v Speaker 2>I love it. I mean, that's on that.

<v Speaker 1>Which, which, listen, I'm sitting right next to you right now.

<v Speaker 1>And yes, I even, again, I'm very intuitive and I

<v Speaker 1>can read people very easily. Like you are that, but

<v Speaker 1>not a lot of people are.

<v Speaker 2>I'm going to cry. Not a lot of people are.

<v Speaker 2>And that's why I say because not a lot of

<v Speaker 2>people are. Thank you.

<v Speaker 1>But, like, again, talking about what you had mentioned earlier

<v Speaker 1>about that favor over your life, I feel like I'm

<v Speaker 1>so lucky to, like, get to cross paths with just

<v Speaker 1>incredible people.

<v Speaker 2>Because other people are like, everyone's this, everyone's that, and blah, blah, blah,

<v Speaker 2>and hater, and this. And then I'm like, yes. But.

<v Speaker 1>But also there are really, really great quality queens out there.

<v Speaker 3>I literally feel the same. Exactly that sentence you said.

<v Speaker 2>I'm like, I hear you. Yeah.

<v Speaker 3>But I don't identify fully with that mindset and experience.

<v Speaker 2>Because despite anything that I've ever gone through.

<v Speaker 3>too like you with friendships and you know traversing through

<v Speaker 3>the ups and downs of that it never deterred my

<v Speaker 3>perception where I all of a sudden was like I

<v Speaker 3>hate people yeah like you know that sort of thing

<v Speaker 3>but thank you so much Andrea for coming on the

<v Speaker 3>show like I just am so happy that we actually

<v Speaker 3>genuinely did cross paths and everything absolutely does happen for

<v Speaker 3>a reason thank you for sharing what your story is

<v Speaker 3>and for those of you that are watching I'm gonna

<v Speaker 3>have all of Andrea's social media and everything in the

<v Speaker 3>description box down below or no, the show notes down

<v Speaker 3>below so that you can check out her platforms and

<v Speaker 3>all the things.

<v Speaker 2>And I can't believe I have a former Miss New

<v Speaker 2>York USA on my podcast. This is so on brand

<v Speaker 2>for me. Love it. It's actually crazy, but thank you

<v Speaker 2>so much. No, thank you. I love what you're doing

<v Speaker 2>and I'll be watching. Yes, we will definitely send you

<v Speaker 2>the link.

<v Speaker 3>And with that being said, do not forget that I

<v Speaker 3>love you and God loves you. I will speak to

<v Speaker 3>you beautiful angels in my next podcast episode.