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For the girls, the gays, and anyone who knows that the best stories start with “Okay, so don’t be mad…” Hosted by Sage Toomey & Lucrezio, this is not self-help—just a wine-fueled deep dive into the questionable choices, and the kind of stories that should probably stay corked. But where’s the fun in that? Pour a glass, lower your standards, and let’s get into it.

New episode every Monday.

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Secret Lives of Sommeliers

Secret Lives of Sommeliers

Personal Journals

12 episodes

14: Spanish Crianza & Scottsdale Tea

Listen as we sip Spanish Crianza and talk Scottsdale Tea, Political Takes, Service Industry drug use and so much more.

1hr 2m • Sep 06

13: Trader Joe's Wine & Our Unsolicited Opinions

We start with the famous Trader Joe’s Wine hack and end up unpacking everything from our take on sugar daddies, creepy encounters at choir sing-alongs, and who should be tipped. Unconventional uses of Chat GPT, Decorating Cents, Scottsdale Dating Culture...etc.

11: Cursed Company Slogans & Rants

We rank life’s biggest demons (moving, heartbreak, actual death), talk wine lies and airline crimes, and play a game of ‘real or fake?’ with headlines like ghost pirate marriages and men dying from eggs. Also: TSA beef, Waymo slander, and why Franzia is kind of a hero.

10: Another Crashout-Cast

Sage crashes out. Lucrezio carries the pod. Red Robin is an insult, Olive Garden heals wounds, and a Ruth’s Chris hostage situation sparks a deep dive into chain restaurant energy. We cover high-end service at Wrigley Mansion, Airbnb meltdowns, Frontier Airlines bans, hepatitis tests, secret interviews, and so much more.

8: OPP & Other People's Problems

We’re back. LA demons, SpongeBob musicals, vape tariffs, and why Whippets (the dog and the drug) took over this week.

7: Sauv Blanc & Soulless Eyes - More Chaos Ft. Breea, Mj & Kerry

Breea and MJ are back, and this time they brought Kerry for a completely unhinged episode. There’s a tiny bit of wine talk, but mostly it’s chaos... dorm grime bottles, Oregon liquor law loopholes, emergency apocalypse kits, and the legendary red flags party. Definitely too much information, but that’s kind of the point.

6: Orange Wine, Private Planes & Psychic Classes

This week, we sip skin-contact Malvasia Bianca and a smoky Arizona Tempranillo while unpacking everything from flying to Sedona with a stranger to stumbling into a psychic class in a crystal shop. We rant about the epidemic of boring men, recall chaotic birthdays and house parties, and debate whether 9/11 conspiracies are too much for freshman English class. Also: a glitch in the matrix, New Or...

5: WW1 and Exotic Foods

This week, we sip Pinot Noir from Willamette Valley and unpack some truly bizarre delicacies (yes, including the drowned songbirds). We talk food ethics, suit shopping, quarter-life crises, and what it’s like turning 25 in the city.

1hr 2m • Jun 18

3: ep.3 Sulfites, Ethics, and Other Scary Things

Sage and Lucrezio dive into ghost hunting adventures, explore the ethics of stealing from bars, and debate topics from sulfites in wine to the legitimacy of natural wine culture. Things take a turn into the spooky and absurd as Sage recounts accidentally ghosting a family-oriented ghost-hunting team. Along the way, the duo riffs on haunted Scottsdale, natural wine myths, being a sommelier and g...

1hr 13m • May 28

2: EP 2: Crash Out Chronicles (feat. Breea & MJ)

In this unfiltered, hilarious, and slightly chaotic episode, Sage and Lucrezio are joined by Sage's sister Breea and her girlfriend MJ for a deep-dive into queer love, crash outs, Wendy’s pairings, and wine-fueled storytelling. From romantic roommates-to-lovers lore and Arizona Grenache to near-death Tesla autopilot adventures, breaking into churches on shrooms, and the legend of fibs that boil...

1hr 24m • May 19

4: ep.4 “We Can’t Keep Getting Away with This” - Special Guest Chance Redfield

This week on The Secret Life of Soms, Sage is joined by Chance Redfield for a deep dive into their latest crash-out Saturday night: The Well Bar, one too many shots of Rumple Minze, questionable couch naps, and an exploded bottle of wine. We talk about bartender culture, trading a rubber band ball for a house (seriously), the toxic loop of post-shift drinking, and that time someone tried to pay...

1: 1. service industry and sommelier rants

Welcome to our first episode! Thanks for listening to our rant about all things service industry.

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