Afterlife care? British TV news tells people to 'seek medical help after death'... #English

Feb 09, 2014, 02:46 PM

Afterlife care? British TV news tells people to 'seek medical help after death'... #English

Do you suffer from nausea? In truth, are you even vomiting? Do you have diarrhoea? Do you have a fever?

Then according to a literal reading via ITV news... you might want to get medical help... 'After Death'... in fact. They say the police advise it...

Sure, they mean to say you may need help after a death was reported, of another person, not you. However, the use of journalist speak has turned that sentence into advice for the hereafter... Where is a good comma when desired?

And that is just perfect for us over at SACNS...

ITV News ✔ @itvnews Police: Anyone showing signs of vomiting, diarrhoea or fever near Thameside area should seek medical help after death .@itvnews tells people to seek help in the afterlife if ill?

So... how to get medical treatment after death? Well... one method is to place all your internal organs in clay jars, amidst beautiful hieroglyphs. Your brain would need to be sucked out or more traditionally: taken out with a hook and you would need to be wrapped in fabric. Ancient Egypt is beautiful this time of death.

Another... get people to make sacrifices to you. Preferably libations of pain killers and disease cures, and wine, following the ancient Greek system.

If that doesn't help, take joy in stories of people declared brain dead who come into consciousness after 20 years, and of people whose hearts stopped, but who resussitated 50 minutes or the like after such technical 'death'. They certainly might need medical attention 'after death'.

Hygieia, and her pet serpent who liked drinking from a saucer she held in her hand might be a good ancient Greek goddess of health to befriend. Her father and / or husband: Asclepius, and his father Apollo, might also be good contacts in seeking medical help, if in the elysian plains of Ancient Greece. If however you are Christian, your medical help might come from the fruits in heaven, which heal all: although it is generally believed the resurrection rises new perfect bodies without imperfection.