We often hear about the classic trauma responses: fight, flight, or freeze. But there is a fourth response—one that hides in plain sight, masquerading as kindness or empathy—that keeps countless people stuck in cycles of self-abandonment. It is called fawning.  In this episode of Passion Struck, I sit down with Dr. Ingrid Clayton, clinical psychologist and author of Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves and How to Find Our Way Back. Ingrid brings extraordinary depth to the conversation, not only as a clinician but also as someone who has lived through complex trauma herself. She helps us name the fawn response for what it is: a survival instinct that once kept us safe, but can cost us our authenticity, our boundaries, and our sense of self.
What Is Fawning? At first glance, fawning looks like simple people-pleasing. You say yes when you want to say no. You anticipate others’ needs before your own. You shape-shift in relationships, workplaces, or even in friendships just to keep the peace. But beneath the surface, fawning is not about generosity; it is about survival. It emerges when fight, flight, or freeze are unavailable or dangerous, and the nervous system learns that appeasing others is the safest option.  As Ingrid explains, fawning is less about what happened to us and more about the absence of safety in the relationships that shaped us. It is an intelligent adaptation to trauma, but one that leaves us feeling invisible, resentful, and disconnected from who we really are.
The Hidden Cost of People-Pleasing One of the most eye-opening moments in our conversation is when Ingrid unpacks the hidden costs of fawning. It may appear to be empathy, caretaking, or professional success. You may even get praised for being so agreeable, reliable, or selfless. But inside, survivors often feel hollow. They’ve built identities around meeting everyone else’s needs while neglecting their own.
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MORE ABOUT PASSION STRUCK  Since launching in February 2021, Passion Struck has become one of the world’s most impactful podcasts in Alternative Health, Business, and Self-Development—with over 70 million downloads and consistent rankings in the Top 100 podcasts globally on Apple.  The show has been honored with the Davey Gold Award for Social Impact and the Stevie Gold Award for Best Independent Podcast, reflecting its commitment to meaningful, transformative content. But what truly sets it apart isn’t the numbers. It’s the mission. This isn’t just a podcast. It’s a movement—built for the curious, the courageous, and the intentional. Each episode challenges the way we think, live, and lead, helping listeners ignite change from the inside out. Whether it’s an intimate Momentum Friday solo episode or a conversation with a world-class game changer, Passion Struck delivers real stories, grounded science, and actionable wisdom to help you design a life that matters. Past guests on the show have included powerhouses like Jon Kabat-Zinn, Susan Cain, Charles Duhigg, Maria Menounos, Seth Godin, Gary Vaynerchuk, Ryan Holiday, and hundreds more extraordinary thinkers, creators, and leaders. You’ll hear breakthrough insights in entrepreneurship, health, mindfulness, and relationships, with topics ranging from how we change behavior to what it truly means to live like we matter. You can subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify HERE.
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