The “Access to Records” Clause That Lets Your Ex Interfere Everywhere
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Tired of being your ex's unpaid personal assistant? Sick of the "you didn't tell me" games when you KNOW they got the same damn email?
This is about the Access to Records clause—the paragraph most people don't know they need until it's too late.
Tired of being your ex's unpaid personal assistant? Sick of the "you didn't tell me" games when you KNOW they got the same damn email?
This is about the Access to Records clause—the paragraph most people don't know they need until it's too late.
Just because your custody agreement says "joint parenting" doesn't mean shit when your ex is playing information gatekeeper. Won't tell you what team your kid is on. Puts their NEW SPOUSE down on school forms instead of you. Conveniently "forgets" to add your email.
This is control. This is manipulation. This is why you need this clause.
In this episode:
- Why your ex refuses to list your info (it's control, not forgetfulness)
- How to stop being their secretary
- What to do when they leave you off forms
The one question that saves your sanity
Here's the truth: If it's online, they can find it themselves.
You're NOT their secretary. You're NOT required to send screenshots five times. And you're NOT a bad co-parent because you won't do their work.
Stop asking someone who hates you to do you favors. Take your parenting plan to the school yourself and get added. Go to the doctor's office. Check the portal. Do the work.
When they accuse you of being a bad co-parent, ask yourself: "Is that true?"
No. Because you put their number down. You sent the link. Their laziness is not your emergency.
Bottom line: This clause stops you from being their secretary while ensuring equal access. Without it? Years of fighting over basic information.
Stop doing their work for them. Now go set some boundaries.
Here’s What You Can Actually Take Away:
- Stop Being Their Secretary - You're not obligated to constantly update your ex on information they can access themselves online.
- Both Parents Must Be Listed - A proper access to records clause requires each parent to list the other's contact information when registering children for anything.
- Digital Access Equals Equal Responsibility - If information is available online, both parents are responsible for accessing it themselves.
- Don't Ask Your Ex to Fix Their Own Sabotage - If they left you off school registration, go directly to the school with your parenting plan rather than begging your ex to add you.
- The "Is That True?" Test - When accused of being a bad co-parent, simply ask yourself if the accusation is factually true—usually it's not.
- High Conflict Parents Use Information as Control - Withholding schedules, team names, or doctor information is a manipulation tactic, not forgetfulness.
Your Parenting Plan Needs This Clause - Without specific language about access to records, you'll spend years fighting over basic information sharing.
- "If it's on the internet, your ass is responsible for finding it. We even take it a step further—if your child has a relationship with another adult, you're responsible for knowing who that adult is yourself."
- "Don't expect somebody that hates you to include you. That doesn't make sense, does it?"
- "When your ex accuses you of being a bad co-parent, simply ask yourself: Is that true? No it's not. Because here I am giving you the link I gave three weeks ago. You're just lazy. I'm not a bad co-parent because you are lazy."
- "I don't have time to lead you to water. We have to be careful about overextending ourselves into taking care of the other household."
- "When you go to a high conflict person to fix their own doing, you might as well hold your breath—death will come upon you faster."
"You're walking around with a literal computer in your hand 24/7. The least you can do is use it to look up information instead of texting me."