Ep 13: Fawning, Self-Abandonment, and Finally Feeling Safe in Your Own Body | Dr. Ingrid Clayton

You were never too nice. You were surviving

In this conversation, Rosie Acosta sits down with Dr. Ingrid Clayton, clinical psychologist, trauma therapist, and author of Fawning, to name the thing so many of us have carried in silence: the moment people-pleasing stopped being a personality trait and became a trauma response.

Dr. Ingrid's story is as layered as the work she does. A former blues singer who got sober at 19, returned to school at 30, and earned her doctorate in transpersonal psychology, she now dedicates her life to helping people finally make sense of themselves. Together, Rosie and Ingrid unpack why so many of us were conditioned to please, appease, and shrink, and what it truly takes to start choosing ourselves instead.

✨ Here's What We Dive Into:

- How the fawn response differs from fight, flight, and freeze and why it shows up most powerfully in childhood trauma.
- Why people-pleasing frameworks miss the most critical piece: the body and its nervous system.
- What fawning looks like beyond smiling and being nice, including how it quietly operates in relationships and cultural systems.
- How women are specifically conditioned to fawn and why we carry shame for doing the very thing society asked of us.
- Why trying to speak up or set a boundary can feel genuinely threatening and how that is rooted in lived experience.
- What self-abandonment looks like in daily life and how curiosity becomes the most powerful first step toward healing.
- Why healing the fawn response is not about getting rid of it, but building more consciousness, flexibility, and choice.
- How Dr. Ingrid defines success: more of herself in her own life, watching her clients fall in love with who they are.

Follow Dr. Ingrid Clayton
Website: https://www.ingridclayton.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ingridclaytonphd/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3PvWTgJMirURfgHWj3h28g
Substack: https://ingridclaytonphd.substack.com/

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Highlights: 
00:00:00 Intro
00:04:30 Getting sober at 19 and answering a deeper calling
00:05:50 Why music gave her a voice she couldn't find anywhere else
00:08:20 What is the fawn response and why it's not just people-pleasing
00:10:22 Thirty years sober and why fawning finally made her make sense to herself
00:12:00 Why codependency frameworks miss the body and the context
00:14:04 Fawning and gender: why women are conditioned to appease
00:17:43 The constant thread beneath all fawning behavior: self-abandonment
00:19:18 Why healing feels counterintuitive and even threatening
00:23:43 What surprised Dr. Ingrid most while writing the book
00:28:09 Where to begin when you realize your people-pleasing might be trauma
00:36:44 What she wants every reader to take away: you make sense
00:40:05 Why she does this work: watching people fall in love with themselves

Discover More Mindful Episodes

A Conversation about Empowerment with Kate del Castillo
https://youtu.be/iNQVsixCOwQ

Transforming Through Mindful Living Hi, I’m Rosie Acosta. I’m here to question the conventional and share what truly makes a difference in living with presence, love, and compassion. Whether it’s through meditation, mindful living, or healing the parts of ourselves we’ve been taught to ignore, I believe every moment of our journey holds the power to transform us. I’m not about quick fixes or surface solutions. I’m about real, conscious practices that reconnect us to our truth, our roots, and our higher purpose.

Connect with Rosie
✨ Instagram: https://instagram.com/rosieacosta
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✨ Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/rosieacosta
✨ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@RosieAcosta

Connect with Tessa:
✨ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tessamarietovar/
✨ Website: https://tessatovar.com/
✨ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@tessatovar