Wedding Jitters: A Bride’s Nightmare Read more at: http://www.vanguardngr.com/2016/03/wedding-jitters-brides-nightmare/
By Jemi Ekunkunbor Photo credit:uk It is the dream of every girl to be married. The wedding day is every girl’s ultimate dream come true. Many single girls already have their big day pictured out;
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something akin to a fairy tale, a Disney kind of thing: to walk down the aisle in the arms of her prince charming, adorning the most beautiful dress sculpt to her body shape, with picture perfect make up, escorted by a glamorous wedding train; bridesmaids and groomsmen alike. This is the dream, a perfect wedding: then, the couple can live happily ever after. But as we know, perfection is not a common thing with man. Even where there is money to execute some of these things, one cannot but worry whether there won’t be hitches in the process. It is this fear of the unknown that causes worry and anxiety for the couple especially, the bride on whose soft shoulders most of the planning rests. Whether it is a marriage conducted 30 years ago or one done yesterday, all couples experience one form of anxiety or the other. Marriage is a major commitment both emotionally and financially. Taking decisions on some of the things to do, is enough stress for anyone. Some anxiety manifests itself even on the wedding day. But research shows that women seem to be taking the brunt in jitters and panic attacks. Although it is natural to experience a bit of anxiety, too much of it will not make you enjoy the wedding. Over two decades ago as an undergraduate, I was mandated by an older cousin to stand in for her as chief brides maid at her friend’s wedding. She had found out too late that she won’t be around for the wedding date. It was a low budget wedding, scheduled for one of the big churches in Edo State at the time. Considering where it was taking place, I had gone to get the perfect outfit befitting of a chief bridesmaid. If I knew what I knew afterwards, I wouldn’t have bothered. Every thing about the wedding smelt cheap, almost everything was hired and that includeds the wedding gown! It was enough to give a bride a heart attack. But the real anxiety came for the bride when two hours after the scheduled time, the groom was no where to be found. It was pre GSM days. There was no means to track the groom. The bride, almost crippled by worry, had concluded that a close friend of the groom must have advised him not to come. In her anger and worry, she had voiced what she would do to that man if her fiance does not show up. Guests were already leaving when almost at 1pm, the groom drove in. As we learnt later, because of their low budget, he did not delegate duties to people. He had left home early that wedding day to go book for drinks. It was environmental sanitation day. Unfortunately for him, he was arrested by sanitation officials. It took a while to explain to them that it was his wedding day. Pray, if you were in this bride’s shoes, won’t you be nervous, anxious and worried sick? Aijay Ndu was a bride 17 years ago. According to her, “My greatest worry was whether my fiance at the time may change his mind and not turn up. Suddenly, I was not sure of myself anymore. I began to worry whether I am not doing the wrong thing by marrying him. You have all kinds of worries. I also feared that we may run out of cash to do all the things that we needed to do”. For Annie Holloway, her anxiety was of a different dimension. Her fiancee according to her was someone who always looked up to others to meet his needs and he had the habit of name dropping who and who had promised to do xyx for him. “So as the wedding day approached, it became obvious to me that he didn’t really have anything to plan around. All his plans were based on expected gifts from people. I became really worried that we would live married life, based on what he would beg from people”. Nkechi Ajibade, could have testified that her wedding plans were hitch free, until a week before the wedding when she had to take her wedding gown to church for inspection according to the dictates of her church denomination. Her elegant wedding dress with plunging neckline, failed the test! “With less than a week to go and with less than N25,000 left in my account, I had no idea where I was going to get another gown. I found myself crying and begging one designer to accept what I had and fix me another dress to wear. That experience totally distabilized me”. Anxiety according Dr. Gbonju Abiri, Senior Registrar, Federal Neuropsychiatric Hospital, Yaba, “is a normal emotion occurring in everyone at some point in time”. However, she says it is considered as a disorder “when the signs and symptoms felt are out of proportion to the danger or threat ahead or when the symptoms persist even after the threat has disappeared”. She listed these signs as some symptoms of wedding anxiety. “Butterflies in your tummy, goose bumps on your skin, palpitations in your heart, increasing deep breaths, feeling faint, and racing thoughts through your mind” These symptoms according to her could stem from uncertainty about your choice of a partner, insufficient funds to execute the wedding, negative vibes from parents and/or siblings who may not give consent and unsettled ex(es) or other love relationships yet to be severed. Other causes she added include, wedding plans and its stress, the uncertainty of marriage, especially from previous experience of others, cheating, abusive or absent spouse. With the jitters taking hold of the bride, she must find ways to help herself overcome these anxieties. And if your anxiety stems from any of the causes listed above, here is the how as recommended by Dr. Gbonju Abiri.
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