One Meg Maggie and the Irish Rural Broadband

One Meg Maggie and the Irish Rural Broadband

O they calls her One Meg Maggie, she’s above in Ballindine The cable bringing broadband’s held up with baler twine. It’s the Irish Rural Broadband that’s brought her to her knees She was all on show — that has to go — One Meg is such a tease!

She wrote to Denis Knocked-On: “O please, I’m beggin’ you, I’ve forty thousand customers, and they’re all pay-for-view. They_can’t see me on the laptop, they can’t hear a thing I say, It’s the Irish Rural Broadband that’s driving them away.

“I’ve one client from Kilsheelan who’s ravenous to see The kind of exercise I do in the ‘Maggie Therapy’, But the link is cat and woeful, and breaks down all the time Because we’ve only got One Meg, held up with baler twine!”

“There’s a priest I know in Knocknagow, who calls me every day, He hasn’t had reception from March up to this May. He asked if I’d do house calls, to keep him on his toes But that’s against me policy, and I’m buggered if that goes!”

The Men’s Shed had a whip-a-round to see what they could do — The vote it was unanimous, ‘cause they’re all pay-for-view. Theyraised three-quarters of a million, butthat wasn’t quite enough; It’s the Irish Rural Broadband that has them up the Duff!

Come march for One Meg Maggie, come march up to the Dáil! It’s a cause we’d spill our blood for, “Rural Broadband!” is our call! She’s a service to the nation, the whole parish here agrees, But the Irish Rural Broadband has brought her to her knees.

She_won the Chamber’s “Best New Business” three seasons in a row Because she had to startup every time the link would go; “She’s a credit to the industry”, the Adjudicator’s said; But that was hard to swallow, they’re all members of ‘The Shed’!

So come march for One Meg Maggie, come march up to the Dáil, It’s a cause we’d spill our blood for, “Rural Broadband!” is our call! She’s a service to the nation, the whole parish here agrees, But the Irish Rural Broadband has brought Maggie to her knees.

— © Frank Callery, May 7th 2017. ( Vice under-Secretary, Irish Rural Broadband Cooperative Society, Inc. (IRB-CSI).