7 Parenting Plan Clauses That Will Screw You Over
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If you're here, you're either in a high conflict situation or you're smart enough to prepare for one. And that means the "standard" parenting plan your lawyer's pushing? It's not gonna cut it.
Welcome to the episode that's gonna save you years of hell.
If you're here, you're either in a high conflict situation or you're smart enough to prepare for one. And that means the "standard" parenting plan your lawyer's pushing? It's not gonna cut it.
Here's what most people don't understand:
Parenting plans written for cooperative co-parents become WEAPONS when you're dealing with high conflict. The same clauses that help reasonable people communicate become tools for abuse, surveillance, and control.
And nobody tells you this until it's too late.
In this episode, you'll learn:
The 7 most dangerous clauses for high conflict situations:
- Right of first refusal (surveillance disguised as co-parenting)
- Shared calendars (unpaid labor for your abuser)
- Same-day split holidays (childhood anxiety generator)
- Shared birthdays (forcing kids to choose personalities)
- Vague exchange information (lawyer fee goldmine)
- Mandatory phone calls (investigation and coaching sessions)
Undefined extra expenses (financial abuse on repeat)
Why each one fails in high conflict - not just my opinion, but 18 years of real-world evidence
What to do instead - how to protect yourself without these clauses
How to evaluate ANY clause - the glasses exercise that changes everything
This is strategic planning, not paranoia. High conflict people don't follow rules, respect boundaries, or play fair. Your parenting plan needs to account for that reality.
Your lawyer will tell you I'm being extreme. Your friends who had "easy" divorces will think you're overthinking it.
But you're not dealing with reasonable people. And that changes everything.
Ready to build a plan that actually protects you? Start by removing these seven things. Then we'll talk about what TO include.
Here’s What You Can Actually Take Away:
- Shared Calendars Create Asymmetric Labor and Access - You'll end up managing all the inputs while your high-conflict ex gets free access to your schedule, activities, and personal life without reciprocating the effort or respecting boundaries.
- Vague Exchange Language Guarantees Expensive Conflicts - Without specific pick-up/drop-off rules and locations, you'll spend thousands having lawyers argue about who drives what distance, even if you live blocks apart.
- High Conflict Parents Weaponize Everything "Standard" - Stop evaluating clauses through your reasonable-person lens; put on your ex's glasses and ask "how will they use this against me?" because they absolutely will.
- Right of First Refusal Enables Surveillance, Not Co-Parenting - This clause forces you to report your schedule, activities, and childcare needs to someone who will use that information to stalk, control, and interfere with your parenting time under the guise of "wanting more time with the kids."
- Same-Day Holiday Splits Prioritize Adults Over Children - Kids don't need to celebrate on the "right" date—they need relaxed, pressure-free celebrations where they're not anxious about leaving cousins/family to rush to the other parent's house mid-day.
The Truth Bombs
- "It's not about the day—it's about the celebration. Your kids don't give a shit about December 25th."
- "High conflict people don't play by the rules. Stop pretending they will."
- "Kids deserve to spend the day with you, not get passed around like a potluck dish."
- "Tell me how a phone call protects your children when they can't say 'I'm getting the shit knocked out of me' with the abuser standing right there."
- "Eighteen years taught me this: kids don't remember the date. They remember if it was peaceful or stressful."
- "The phone calls you think bond your kids? They're getting coached before and interrogated after. That's not bonding."
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