Stop Letting Your Attorney Screw Up Your Holiday Schedule
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You know what pisses me off? Holidays are SIMPLE. Christmas is December 25th every single year. It's not a mystery. It's not complicated. Yet I'm scrolling through my groups at midnight seeing parents post screenshots like "Help - I have no idea when I'm supposed to get my kids for Thanksgiving" and I want to scream.
Fair warning: I'm already heated and we haven't even started. This is the episode where I drag every attorney who thinks "parties will share holidays" is an acceptable sentence in a legal document.
You know what pisses me off? Holidays are SIMPLE. Christmas is December 25th every single year. It's not a mystery. It's not complicated. Yet I'm scrolling through my groups at midnight seeing parents post screenshots like "Help - I have no idea when I'm supposed to get my kids for Thanksgiving" and I want to scream.
After a decade of reading absolute garbage parenting plans, I'm convinced there's a secret attorney meeting where they plot how to screw you over during the most emotionally charged time of year. "Let's make it vague! Let's leave out the times! Let's make them call us when it's the holidays and they're already feeling like shit!"
Well, I'm done watching good parents get played.
In this episode, you're getting the blueprint for a holiday schedule that actually protects you:
✓ List your damn holidays (all of them)
✓ Put the start and end times (non-negotiable)
✓ Add the superseding clause that saves you thousands
✓ Skip the birthdays (controversial, I know - listen to find out why)
This isn't about being nice to your ex. This isn't about "working it out." This is about having a parenting plan so clear that even your delusional high-conflict ex can't twist it. Because you deserve to know when you have your kids without needing a law degree and a flow chart.
Stop paying attorneys to interpret basic pickup times. Stop letting guilt and shame ruin your holidays. And stop settling for confusing bullshit when the solution is literally just a simple table.
You just got certified in holiday schedules. You're welcome.
Here’s What You Can Actually Take Away:
- List Every Single Holiday - Don't settle for "parties will share holidays" - I need you to demand a complete list of specific federal holidays in your parenting plan.
- Start Times and End Times Are Non-Negotiable - Every holiday must include exactly when it starts and when it ends, or you'll fight about it every single year. I've seen it happen too many times.
- Include the Superseding Language - Your parenting plan MUST state that holidays supersede regular visitation and there's no makeup time, or your high-conflict ex will demand payback for every "lost" day.
- Birthdays Cause Chaos - I recommend letting birthdays fall naturally in the regular schedule instead of creating extra interruptions that high-conflict exes weaponize.
- Vague Plans Benefit Attorneys, Not Parents - Confusing holiday language isn't an accident - it keeps you calling (and paying) your attorney to interpret basic custody exchanges. I really think they do this on purpose.
- Celebrate Before the Actual Day - My pro tip: Always celebrate holidays and birthdays BEFORE the actual date to avoid last-minute drama with your ex.
High-Conflict Parents Don't Plan Ahead - They're moment-by-moment people who lose their minds when you remind them about holiday schedule changes, so crystal-clear planning protects you. I know these people.
- "Christmas comes around the same day every year. This is not rocket science, but attorneys screw you over by leaving this section interpretive and gray in the hopes that you two will work it out."
- "Don't say I didn't warn you - I've read thousands of parenting plans whose holiday schedules are written like old school riddles, and you're trying to solve the riddle just to figure out when you have your kids."
- "I'm a simple person. Tell me when I have them and tell me when I don't. Tell me when it starts, tell me when it ends. That's it. Just tell me when I have my kids."
- "High-conflict people will think that because they were 'robbed' of a Tuesday for 4th of July, they can go take your Thursday. You have to make sure the wording says holidays supersede visitation and you don't get that time back."
- "If your parenting plan just says 'parties will share holidays' - don't sign that bullshit. What does 'share' mean? Share means we do it together? No, share means we split the day? This is a tangled web."
"You're divorced. You're gonna miss birthdays. And when we've got three kids, that's three interruptions for three birthdays. I'm not gonna mark it on the calendar: act like an asshole today."