Theresa Evans in the hot seat
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As an ICU nurse, I witnessed death and dying on a regular basis. I considered it a privilege and an honor to be with someone when they died. And then my own mother chose a date with death after years of suffering at the hands of end stage heart failure and COPD.
My mother chose to die with MAiD (medical assistance in dying) on November 15, her 80th birthday. I spent three months with Mom and my sisters before she died. We supported her and each other during this tender time.
The book gives a first-hand and personal perspective into the experience of navigating anticipatory grief - the emotional distress, anxiety, and mourning we experience before an expected, significant loss. This is about processing one's feelings of grief, sadness, and loss of future, while the person is still present.
During this time my mother asked me to put her flower garden to rest for the winter. She was a master gardener with a prolific garden. As I spent those final three months working in the garden, it became a living metaphor for what we were all experiencing. The garden mirrored the intrinsic cycles and timing of both life and death.
I wrote the book through the lens of botany. My years as a registered nurse, a yoga teacher and a somatic educator anchored the emotional and ethical complexities that arose while helping my mother settle her affairs.
I believe Choosing to die is an important book on how to intentionally and mindfully support a loved one who is dying, whether that be via MAiD or any other means.
This conversation will be useful for caregivers, death doulas and other professionals and volunteers involved in hospice or palliative care. I believe my experience will benefit anyone seeking clarity and compassion in the midst of one of life's most confounding times.