You Cannot Do This Alone: How to Build Your Avengers as a Single Parent
Share
Subscribe
If you are the most put-together person in your friend group, I need you to understand that is not a compliment, that is a warning.
Let me ask you something and I need you to sit with it for a second. The people you are calling when everything blows up, are they actually helping you get through this, or are they just really entertaining to gossip with?
Because I have been there. I had a whole circle. And every single one of them was either a yes man, a pot stirrer, or a straight up mole feeding information back to my ex. And I did not figure that out until the damage was already done in court.
This episode is the one I wish somebody had handed me on day one of my divorce. We are talking about the hard audit. The one where you get honest about who is actually in your corner and who is just there for the show. Because not everyone who picks up the phone when you call is your person. Some of them are picking up because they are nosy. Some of them are picking up because your drama makes them feel better about their own life. And some of them are picking up and then turning around and telling your ex everything you just said.
I also tried the other extreme. I pulled everybody out and went completely solo. Isolated. Just me, my kids, and my chaos. And I am telling you right now that was one of the most dangerous things I ever did to myself. Isolation is not strength. It is just suffering with better branding.
The truth is you need people. Real ones. The kind who show up at your door before a court date with snacks and water and pictures of your kids and a whole plan for after. Not the kind who text you screenshots of what your ex posted on Instagram at 11pm. Those people are not your support system. They are your trigger system.
And if right now you are sitting there saying you have nobody, I hear you and I am not letting you use that as an excuse. I am building new friendships at 47 in a Pilates class. You can find your people. You just have to stop hiding and start showing up somewhere.
This is the episode where we start assembling your Avengers. And yes, I mean that literally. You need a strategic, hand-picked, drama-free crew that helps you function on your absolute worst days. Because those days are coming. And you do not want to be alone when they do.
Here’s What You Can Actually Take Away:
- Audit Your Circle: If the people around you are keeping you triggered and stuck instead of regulated and moving forward, it is time for a hard edit.
- Isolation Is Not Strength: Going it completely alone during divorce is not brave, it is dangerous, and it is not something I would ever recommend based on my own experience.
- Yes Men Are Not Your Friends: Someone who just cosigns your rage feels good in the moment, but they are keeping you anchored to the past instead of helping you build what is next.
- The Friend Breakup Is Real: Editing people out of your life during this season is not failure, it is protection, and how they respond to your boundary tells you everything.
- You Can Build New Friendships at Any Age: I am making real connections in Pilates at 47, so the excuse that it is too late or too hard does not hold up.
- Be Strategic, Not Just Grateful: Not everyone who shows up for you is the right fit for this season, and you need people who can actually hold your energy, not drain what is left of it.
Find Your Avengers: You need a crew who shows up practically, protects your energy, and helps you function on your worst days, and that crew is out there waiting to be assembled.
- "If you are the best person in the five people you are hanging around with, you are in the wrong group."
- "How is it working for you, pushing everybody away and trying to act like the badass you so badly want to be? Aren't you tired?"
- "You keep putting negativity out there into the universe, that is the kind of energy that keeps coming back at you."
- "Is she here for me or is she here to hear from me? There is a difference."
- "The ones who get angry when you set a boundary were never your friend to begin with."
- "I changed. Nothing about him changed. I changed. And it started with who I was around."
- "You need the friend who packs you a go-box with water, snacks, and pictures of your kids before court. Not the one who asks what he was wearing."
- "A friend edit is needed. I know it feels like another breakup. But your circle becoming smaller during divorce is not a loss. It is a filter."
Follow Samantha Boss: