Eulogy of Jonathan by Jane (Girlfriend)
Hi, my name is Jane, & I'm not sure if all of you know me as I was quite a recent occurrence in Jon's life. We met thru small group & on my 1st session in 2014, they were trying really hard to promote him to me: "You know, there's this really good baker in our group. He gave up his job in the Air Force to go to France to learn French pastry." He was not there that day so I didn't get a chance to meet him. When He came the next time, I was thinking to myself, "Hmm... He's so short & sloppy, & his laughter is seriously weird. Maybe he's gay." He was the only single guy in the group, while the rest were couples, so they tried to find a match for him. Many felt that we had chemistry & they were curiously watching out for any signs of development (i.e. kpo). They noticed that he started attending small group religiously & would be on time or early (most of you know he's usually late). He pretended to come 1min after me thinking people would not notice - but it was apparently obvious. During 1 breakfast at church camp, they couldn't tahan anymore & started interrogating him. When I came down, everyone was staring at me weirdly & gave this sheepish look. So when we finally broke the news to the group, they were overjoyed & really happy for us & everyone tried to claim credit for it. Haha. I am truly thankful for this small group & it will be different without Jon when we next meet, but his presence will be amongst us.
I remember how before we actually got together last year, he said that he couldn't wait to let the world know that he was with his "favouritest" (favouritest, not favourite) person & that she makes him oh so very happy. Ok, I feel abit paiseh saying that. But well, you know how wishy-washy he can be sometimes, & perhaps a little shy at times. So, I bet he didn't exactly get down to doing that. But I knew that he would have loved for me to meet you guys so here I am today with a eulogy of him.
His passing was too sudden for everyone's immediate acceptance, but through all this, I have come to realise that Jon has indeed touched many lives in some way or another. I don't think he realised the extent of it, but it's apparent from the numerous outpourings on his fb wall & messages, & the number of people who have come to celebrate his life well lived, & to render support in various ways. Honestly, I have not seen a wake with so many people except for public figures. So I guess he must be special in some way.
I never thought that this day would come. I never thought that the passport photo that I took for him last year would double up as his funeral photo. In fact, I thought that my very 1st speech about Jon would be at our wedding. Just last week, he attended a wedding & said, "You know, I've been attending weddings, & I really can't wait for our own!" We haven't been going out for that long, & I often teased him about being single for the longest time but he said, that's not important anymore cos he found me. Occasionally, I would tease him & ask him to get his own flat under the Single's scheme when he turned 35. It wasn't all rosy, & we had our own fair share of challenges. We cried together but we also laughed alot more together. At the end of the day, it was always good. He said he was glad that our only major issue seemed to be financials cos of this new phase in his life. In all honesty, we did have enough, it was just not in abundance. Trust me, it took a giant leap of faith to date Jon. I had previously spoken to my parents about what they thought was important in a relationship? Was financials the most important or was it other things? They said as long as the person is sincere & treats me well. When I told Jon that, he was deeply comforted & thought those were such wise words. I'm glad I took their advice & I have not regretted the decision. We committed to giving our best shot at it.
He wanted to introduce me to his extended family this CNY, or if I were travelling, I was supposed to fly back in time to celebrate our 1st Valentine's day together. I was supossed to fly back in time to celebrate my birthday together too. We had plans to travel the world, for him to set up his own thing in future, for us to settle down & have kids before I turned 35. He even said he'd be a cool dad & bring his kid to work & that he would do all the housework & cook dinner everyday. He would work hard & take care of the family. All I had to do was to go home to him. Sucha hard seller (haha).
However, despite having many dreams & plans, this journey has ended in the most unexpected, abrupt, & premature manner because God has a greater plan for him. I'm sure that although he did not live long enough to fulfil all those dreams, there were no regrets. I'm extremely grateful & honoured that his youngest sis, Aileen, told me that I was very important, if not the most important person to him & that she wanted me to be part of this whole thing. I'm glad to be able to do this last thing for him, being involved in the major decisions & getting to choose his outfit so he could be as handsome as ever.
Jon was a great man & an almost perfect boyfriend, except for a few little things which actually didn't quite matter.
His height (which i teased him alot about & insisted that i was taller than him). But as Mitch mentioned, he was the most confident short guy around. Haha.
The fact that he loves food but has little self-control over how much & what he eats. I'm sure he would've mentioned to some of you that I often wanted to eat his single portion of food cos I didn't want to eat so much. That was one of his main gripes. He was starting to put on weight & I would always pinch his belly fats to which he said, "Don't you know that the dad bod is the in thing right now? It's so sexy." Haha.
And lastly, the fact that he's most of the time very messy & dirty. But cos I'm not the neatest & cleanest person around also, I could bear with it to a certain extent. So in this fashion, I selected his recent favourite outfit (which had not been washed by the way) because that's how he was like & what he would be the most comfortable in. Also, he was flattered that many people complimented how sharp he looked in this shirt.
On the contrary, he always assured me that I was beautiful just the way I was & that there was nothing he would want to change about me. In fact, he never asked me to change anything about myself. I would have excitely told him today that I lost the weight I wanted & finally reached my target weight. But that was because I lost him & haven't been able to eat much. Everyone has been trying to make sure I eat something. I would have exchanged being fat just to have him back anytime. He accepted & loved me unconditionally. This is one of his favourite quotes of all times:
"Love is not blind, it sees more not less, but because it sees more, it's willing to see less."
My 1st response was "Huh? Damn cheem...". But as I pondered on it, it made total sense. Love sees all the flaws but chooses to overlook them. I always say that I know I'm far from perfect so how can it be that you have nothing bad to say about me? He will then repeat the quote.
Having said all those, there were many good things about him which shouldn't be discounted. Over the last few days, I realised that there was this wonderful guy in front of me that I didn't give due credit & recognition for. After all the eulogies, I felt like I was super blessed & it was a real priviledge to be his girlfriend even for such a short time.
He was very good-natured & hardly had any temperament at all. He was so mild. He was gentlemently, & generous & had alot of other positive attributes. He treated me very well & pampered me loads. He was the most gentle & the sweetest guy around & would do everything & anything for me & I believe for the people around him as well. He lives & works very far from me. And in order to persue his passion, he had to give up alot, 1 of which was his car. He had been driving from the age of 18 ever since he got his license. So not having a car was a major change in lifestyle. He often traveled by bus to my place after work which takes abt an hr or so. And because it took so long, sometimes he would stay over. He didn't mind having to wake up much earlier the next day, as long as he got to see me & spend time with me. I used to tell him that he could have slept in 1 more hr if he stayed home, but he said that he would much prefer the extra time with me. Even on days when he ended late at 11+pm, he would try & catch the last bus & reach my place past midnight. Many a times, he would've dozed off while waiting for me to be done & ready for bed, but would wake up just to apply cream for my eczema, & made sure he said good night before he went back to bed. He was a super self-sacrificial person, & everyone else came before himself. If I couldn't fall asleep, he would try to accompany me & sometimes even told me bedtime stories, some of which he spontaneously thought of. In the mornings, he would never fail to give me a kiss before he left for work. And whenever we met, he would be super elated & greet me with a big wide smile, a hug, & a kiss & go... "Hi sweetheart". Just like Uncle G said, alot of times, we wait till the person is gone before we acknowledge their good points & express our love, affection, & appreciation for them. But Jon always made me feel loved, & did not fail to express his love daily.
Even though he's now gone, his love has extended to his family who have shown the same kind of concern & love towards me. They know that Jon took really good care of me & would do everything tirelessly for me, & really pampered me. They have been nothing short of sweet at this time as well, making sure I'm well taken care of. They said, Jon would definitely try & make sure I eat. So his younger brother Joel said he knows I like to eat chicken wings but cos I said I was lazy, so he peeled the wings for me, just like how Jon would have. Then he noticed that I was rubbing my shoulders, & said he would get his sis Laura over to give me a massage. Again, this was something that Jon did without any complains. He often did things for people, without expecting anything in return.
I believe that he was well-received by my family & friends. When my niece & nephew came to know about the news, my nephew said that he wanted to build a staircase to heaven with God's help, so that he could play with uncle Jon. They were very fond of him. He was also often super excited by some of my mum's little gestures & would exclaim to me, "Hey B, your mum asked me to eat durian! Or she offered me drinks! (Actually it was just Fiji water) Or she asked me to go on a cruise with you guys!". He was content with the very simple but important things in life. Everyone gave us their blessings & said that we looked very happy together. Alot of people have approached me & said that they were very happy that Jon met me & that he seemed very happy. I am glad that I was able to bring much joy & love into the last year of his life, as he had brought so much joy & laughter to everyone else throughout his lifetime.
He might not have been rich in material sense, but he was definitely rich in every other sense. I would like to think that he led a successful life, because at the end of the day, it's not how much money you leave behind, but how many people's lives you touched while you were alive. I think it's evident that he made an impact in a tremendous number of people's lives.
The time ahead without him will be extremely difficult & trying. We had spent alot of time together, almost daily, & had never gone without seeing each other for more than a couple of days. To the point that my sis commented that we do not have to meet everyday. But we enjoyed each other's company alot & felt comfortable with each other & that was all that mattered. The days without him will be hard to pass, as reality sets in that he's no longer around. I will surely miss him incredibly. Everything about him - his cuteness, his smell, his hugs, his kisses, his gentle touch, his belly, his voice, his laughter, his sweet words, & this morning as I woke up hearing some snoring, I realised I would miss that too, as that meant he was not by my side. I'm reluctant to change my sheets cos they've got his smell & it was the last time he changed it for me. Many have commended how strong I am and it has truly been emotionally tormenting & painful but I have been unable to fully come to terms with it or express it as I am perhaps still in shock & disbelief. It feels so unreal, but the day has come to bid farewell to his physical body.
But his siblings have reminded me that Jon would really want me to be happy & so in time I would have to come to acceptance & move on. For now, I'll be facing each day as it comes.
Anyway, we all think that he's mostly happy-go-lucky & is hardly ever serious at all. It's as if he was a boy that hadn't grown up. However, he had his responsible side & was committed to giving his time & support in other areas like work & church.
He usually finished his baking not too late on Fridays, but would stay back with the girls at the shop to help out abit just to keep them company & let them know he was there with them. He also went in to work on Saturdays which were not his official working day. He had a great & fun-loving team which he really enjoyed working with so he never complained about having to go to work.
He had been a faithful servant at church as well, & had been serving in the children's ministry for about 6-7 years now. I heard today was the dedication to the children's ministry volunteers, & his name was in the bulletin. He loved his children & was still very much there for them as youths even after they graduated from his P6 class. Teacher Jonathan was well-liked & favoured by many within Wesley. I managed to find a bunch of notes his kids wrote h...