It would be very foolish to give up now.

Things that helped me learn to tie my shoes 27 years late.

(1) #Mindfulness - "Moment to moment non-judging awareness" but this was more like judgement lite. There was judgement but I was able to recognize it and refocus my attention.

(2) Determination to "figure it out on my own" as in not to run to a group or person or something else for help or support (emotional or instrumental). Lack of this may explain the feelings of isolation and lonliness accompanying the feelings of being overwhelmed, frustrated and despondent. Also guessing, but seems likely because my Clubber Lang problems are so odd, so numberous, and so shameful that I feel like it's risky to tell other people. Niteflirt maybe kind of a substitute for a connection at these times that feels "right" as so much of the fetishes there are about being punished or humiliated, like I feel I deserve?

(3) Somehow everything makes logical sense, and I can reason my way to a solution if I understand the problem and the context (and sometimes even if I don't). If not a solution, than a "better story." "To know is to know good."

(4) "All it is, is all it is." I can, if not completely then to some degree, separate the the emotional charge from a task and think rationally as to how to go about solving it.